Monday, February 23, 2009

Can you hear me now? Can you hear me SCREAMING now?

There was something that I said early in this blog about pain+time equaling comedy, but I guess there must be some ratio of pain to time that makes the funny. This next story happened about a week and a half ago and I still find it difficult to laugh about it. However, in discussing this blog with Kenny and my husband last night, I was told that I left out all the "good stuff", so the next couple of entries will go back in time before going to the big reveal of the redesigned bathroom.

It had been a typically long and difficult day at work, but I managed to get out of the office before 7:00 PM. I was happy to be on my way home and I knew that lots of work had been completed on the bathroom and I was anxious to see it. I had just left the parking lot of work and was stopped at a light, so I called home to see what they wanted me to bring home for dinner. When my son answered the phone I could immediately tell by his voice that something bad had happened. I asked him where his dad was and he said 7-11. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me that he had used the toilet in his bathroom and clogged it up. This was no big deal, it happened all the time. So why was he so upset? Wait for it. . . ""I clogged the toilet and it backed up into the new bathroom. There's raw sewage all over the floor." Here comes the screaming . . . (imagine, if you will, the most shrill sound that you have ever heard. Like some small, woodland rodent caught in a trap)

I immediately tried to call my husband's cell phone. No answer. Where was Kenny's number? Found Kenny's cell in my call history and called him. "Kenny," I inquired in the most composed voice I could muster "what happened in the bathroom? Joey told me that there was raw sewage all over the floor." Kenny immediately started laughing. My nerve endings were frayed to the point that I was shaking, so I was not feeling appreciative of his good humor. As it turned out, this was the day that they poured the self-leveling cement around the toilet in the new bathroom. Seems the floor is unlevel and the porcelain tile that I chose really needs a perfectly level floor. Kenny being the perfectionist that he is, used a gray cement that would match the glue and match the grout. This gray cement was thin and more black than gray when wet, and it just happened to be pooled up around and behind the toilet, so when Joey came into the bathroom after clogging the bowl in his bathroom, he was greeted by a soupy black puddle and a contractor with a wicked sense of humor.

After I got the story from Kenny I was bathed in a combination of relief and anger and I immediately burst into tears upon hanging up. Tears gave way to a weird kind of half cry/half laugh and by the time I turned into our development Kenny had let Joey off the hook and I was over it. I thought about posting the audio on the blog because as luck would have it, the entire conversation with Joey was recorded by our answering machine. Just so turns out that I "accidentally" hit the button and erased the message. Also turns out that the next batch of brownies I bake for Joey and Kenny might "accidentally" contain Exlax instead of chocolate. You know the old saying. . . Pain plus eleven hours on the toilet equals comedy.