Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Deuces Wild



In every game, there are winners and there are losers. In the game of cookies, my kids are big winners as they are the recipients of a second batch of homemade cookies this week. Chocolate chocolate chip this time. A win that is the result of my taking one more day off work this week than I had planned. The reason that I took the extra day off is that my friends are coming over this weekend for a poker game and I want to get the house in order and bake something special for them. I don't care if win or lose at poker, but if I can get my house clean and spend some time with my friends, it's a total windfall for me!

On the losing side this morning is my husband. Since the sun came up, he's been running behind the dog with a plastic bag on one hand and a wonton soup container in the other questing for a dropping from a performance-shy dog. As long as he is hovering over her, plastic army at the ready, she's not giving it up. My daughter caught a glimpse of him out the kitchen window and asked why he'd want to put a poop in tupperware. I made it clear to her that the purpose of this collection is for Brownie's annual physical at the vet. It's extra important to make that clear in this public forum as I don't want to get solicitation e-mails from the "Dog Poop Lovers of America" or any other deviant hobbyist group. Think I'm crazy? Just spend an afternoon on the Internet and you'll find that there is a fan base for every peculiar behavior that you can imagine (and some that you could never fathom). And while on the subject of bodily functions, my friend and soon to be poker buddy Marianne sent me this link this morning. It is for a (how should I say this?) personal gas filter. Someone will get rich off this I am sure. I can just imagine the phone lines jamming with calls from girlfriends and wives the world over, desparate to be free from the oppression of a dutchoven-loving dude. Ideally, this device would eliminate "Pull my finger" from the american lexicon. http://www.thrillist.com/los-angeles/subtle-butt

At the completion of this entry the oven will be set to self-clean and I will be off to clean baseboards and moldings. One might think that this is the activity of a loser, but to have these items clean, I will ultimately feel like a winner. And at least I didn't pull poop patrol.