Saturday, April 11, 2009
As I hover in this middle zone of life, I find myself less in control of my eccentricities. Luckily, I am far less self-conscious than I was in my younger days, but I can't say the same for my kids. Apparently, I've traipsed into that territory where you start to become an embarrassment to your children. They have not said as much, but their behavior speaks volumes. Take last night for instance, we did something highly unusual and went food shopping with the entire family. This was done for convenience sake as we finished dinner late and since we were already out, we just got it done. From the second that we got into the store, my son took off, cell phone in hand, always keeping a two aisle distance from the rest of us. He did a brief drive-by to slam dunk some of his favorite stink repellent (AXE) into my cart, but that was it. We actually had to text him when we were done to unearth him from his emo corner to rejoin the family on the ride home. I know that this is probably normal behavior for most boys rounding thirteen, but my head and my heart are duking it out.
I am sure that I am at least somewhat to blame for this as I keep getting caught talking out loud to nobody in particular but myself. I do this as I am darting all over the house, shoving laundry into baskets or mopping the floor which lends me a crazy-cat-lady air, minus the cats. I know the kids have witnessed me doing this on more than one occasion and I usually don't realize I am doing it until someone points it out to me. This is sort of a scary thing for me as I have always had a brisk inner-monologue and a boring meeting has been known to send me into a Walter Mitty-like fantasy land. In my head I am always telling off the most obnoxious person at the table in the most spectacular way or perhaps day dreaming that someone exceptionally nasty cuts a wicked fart in front of an influential speaker. Now I fear that these thoughts are going to start to leak out at work without my knowledge. The other day I was driving in the car with my daughter and I was deep in thought, arranging furniture in my head and at some point I started swirling my hands to visually represent where I was pushing couches and tables and my daughter called out from the back seat "Mom! What are you doing?". It was like I had forgotten where I was for a moment. I paused for a very long time and then sheepishly answered "Magic."
I guess it's inevitable that during the tween and teen years, that I will embarrass my children by my behavior or perhaps just by breathing. I need to toughen up and shut up, particularly when I don't know I am speaking.
Posted by Diary of a Mad Bathroom at 12:47 PM