Wednesday, May 27, 2009

57 Channels (and nothin' on)

I am wrestling with a serious problem right now and I am not sure how to remedy it. With the completion of the season of American Idol and Hell's Kitchen and the extended hiatus of Project Runway, I am at a loss for things to watch. I check in on the Housewives now and again and I occasionally check on the whereabouts of Anthony Bourdain and Andrew Zimmern, but I am currently a vidiot without a show.

Because I have nothing else to do (that requires as little movement as TV) I am going to conduct a study of my own TV habits. I am going to channel surf for one half hour and I will record my thoughts about what I land on and why I choose to stay or not stay on a channel:

Here goes, in real time:

8:03 Throwdown with Bobby Flay. BF is one smarmy MF. I like some of his restaurants, but he is not my fave tv host and his guest has a weird beard. C ya!

8:05 E - Hollywood Murders. Too depressing. Who is watching this crap and actually enjoying it? If this is you, please check into the psych ward at your locak hospital.

8:06 STYL - Clean house comes clean. They don't include Neicy Nash in the "Comes Clean" series. What's the point?

8:07 Bravo - Real Housewives of NJ -These bitches make the Gottis look classy. I can't hang.

8:08 - HBO - Blades of Glory - I've seen this one too many times already. Time to move on.

8:09 - HBO (west coast) - Weekend at Bernies - Luckily I caught just the closing credits. Can anybody tell me who still wants to watch this flaming turd besides Andrew McCarthy and Johnathon Silverman ( and my friend NDH, who I love dearly, but question him in life over only this point)?

8:11 - CBS - Tribute to George Strait - Holy crap, I didn't think they would let country music past the censors on NY TV. Not my dip of chaw.

8:12 Fox - So You Think You Can Dance - Commercials. . . . .Oh, good, first day of auditions. Nope, bored already.

8:16 CW - America's Next Top Model - The panel is looking scary! Miss Jay's Andy Warhol wig makes him look like a black and white cookie.

8:19 TV Guide -Look A Like - . . . but first, a Progressive commercial. My friend Mare had a dream to hook up Flo the Progressive Chick with Vince the ShamWow guy. But now that Vince has gone all punchy on a Miami hooker, that relationship is never to be. (heavy sigh) OK, on to the Look-a-like. This chick wants to look like Maraih Carey. No amount of Hollywood magic can make a commoner look that skanktastically crazy. Gotta move on . . .

8:25 BBCA - Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares - This has potential . . . Nope. Saw this one. Crazy British ex-pat in France pours her adorable bistro straight into the toilet. Damn it girl, don't waste the great Ramsay's time. I've gotta give props, the Brits know how to do TV. America is wearing out our welcome jocking Brit TV shows.

8:27 Fuse - Singles - This is a movie that I will always stop and watch no matter what. The first time I saw this movie, my boss took me and a couple of coworkers out for a long lunch and a movie during a slow period. I only did that one more time in my 20 + year career, so that's part of what makes it special. Plus any movie that includes a band called Citizen Dick and their song called "Touch me I'm Dick" is automatically funny. Sorry, I go for the penis jokes.

Well, it's 8:30 and it looks like I will probably light on Singles until at least 9:00. The dullness of my life is only made worse by my own expose. Hope someone out there is doing something fun and outrageous. You know what I'm doing (yawn).

10 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Walter said...

The TV really didn't offer up that many good options, so Singles was the best option available. Sometimes television just conspires against us watching it enjoyably.

peewee said...

wow. I ALWAYS manage to find Law & order on. But you prettu much described my afternoons.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Walter - It's a sad state of affairs when Singles is the best choice. I got sick of it after 12 minutes. By 9:00 PM I opted to pass out.

Pee Wee - With the seventeen different L&O shows, that does not surprise me. I never attempted to watch any of them, but my mother is OBSESSED. I'm thinking of buying her some police tape and a crime scene kit for her birthday.

Angelika said...

One of these days, I will tell you about the almost 200 programs I have on my DVR recording list.

There's ALWAYS something to watch! :-)

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Yeah, I have TIVO and almost never use it. TIVO requires advance thought, planning and a lack of apathy. I am not very strong in those areas. If sloth was an Olympic event, you'd best believe that I'd have ALL the medals.

the letters i wish i'd written said...

This is like your very own episode of 24, except in 30 minutes, real time entertainment, but with no bombs or car chases or special agents or dire consequences.....

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

. . . or anything even remotely close to entertainment - except Miss Jay in that Warhol wig- Must See TV.

Mare said...

So Funny! Who luv's ya Baby? Eartha do!! I too feel the same way about Bobby Flay and Clean House! WTF did they do with Neesie? I can't Tivo either! Too much pressure to watch what was recorded! Keep bloggin' - I am so enjoying your posts!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Thanks Mare. Did you go to see Singles with DE and I back in the XL days?

somebody said...


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