Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Childhood regression, you are clear for take off

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday of this week I am doing time on the campus of a large NY State University for a Project Management "boot camp" type of course. College campuses are a frightening and alien thing to me, as most of my college credits were earned via night school or virtual classroom. Glorious results of a misspent youth, I guess. Having never lived on a college campus, I find every visit to be extremely daunting.

I started my morning unable to decipher the building map sufficiently to locate the engineering building. Luckily a kindhearted froshie took pity on me and walked me over to the building. How humiliating is that?

Being that this university is literally around the block from where I live, I decided to go home for lunch. This turned out to be an ill advised move as I was given 45 minutes and it was a 10 minute walk to the car (each way) and a 5 minute drive (each way), leaving 15 minutes for parking garage ticketing/paying, lunch prep, eating and digestion. Hadn't this Project Management class taught me anything about the importance of planning?

Around 12:00 noon I pulled into the driveway next to the passenger side of Dave's car. As I got out of my car, a scratch on his front passenger door caught my eye. Its shape was a little abstract, but on closer inspection, it was clearly a penis. Now, I guess a normal wife would adopt an air of concern and gingerly alert her spouse to the unfortunate damage to his car. NOT ME! I burst into uncontrollable laughter, laughing and shrieking as I ran up the walk and into the door. My unexpected presence and loud entry scared the crap out of Dave and he yelled down, "What's the matter?". I could barely get the words out. At this point, I was laughing so hard that I was gasping for air. I managed to blurt out "Someone scratched a penis into the side of your car!" As you can imagine, he did not meet my level of glee upon hearing this news.

He was visibly upset by the thought of the damage, but after he inspected the car he seemed somewhat relieved. I guess he was expecting something of more epic proportions and anatomical correctness. That's men for you, always thinking its bigger than it is.

I will return to class tomorrow with the improved confidence that comes with knowing where the hell you're going. Dave will be probably be going to Pep Boys to get something to rub that penis out. Hey, that's not what I meant. You know what I mean. Aw, forget it.

8 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

peewee said...

THAT'S a penis??? I thought it was a scarf...or pants...hmmm....u sure you're not um, projecting?!?!? I mean I know it's been a while for me but...I don't remember the hob-nobs being, rectangular?

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

It's an inept 7th grader's version of a penis, is is my guess. It's admittedly a little abstract, but I can identify all of the parts. Something about the drawing screamed "bathroom wall" to me.

Angelika said...

That doesn't look like a penis to me...

Would have been better if an art major had grafittied the car.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

OK, so it's open to interpretation. I have a friend that pointed out how it looked like Ace and Gary's car from the SNL cartoon "The ambiguously gay duo". Take a look -

Walter said...

Yeah, I'm gonna agree. Who ever did that vandaliszing is the worst esexual vandalizer ever. Very poor penis drawing.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Walter - To be sure...I guess when your drawing implement is limited to a house key and your canvas is the side door of an SUV, you get lose a little in the way of light and shading. Despite our critical eye, I am sure that the dumbass 12 year old that whittled this particular member, thinks he is freakin Vermeer.

Mare said...

Dear Diary, I have to agree with you. I recall days when we would draw them on the WhiteBoard! So after seeing and creating many crude penis drawing's myself, I do believe this is an early adolescent version of a primitive penis. Without contacts or glasses, it could also be an armless Gumby! I think the penis is more fun!

somebody said...


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