Friday, May 1, 2009

Sock Farmin'

We finally ordered a new bed for my son. I say finally because it's been a long time coming. I think the thing that put us over the edge for ordering it was my mother-in-law's recent overnight visit with us. The day after she slept over, she told everyone that would listen that "Joey doesn't have a bed." I guess what she meant was that he didn't have a decent bed, but it came out as if he were an underprivileged and abused orphan that slept on the floor, swatting flies and waiting for gruel. Only a mother in law could paint so clear a picture with such an economy of words.

Now, beds are not something that we order more often than every seven years or so, so I am not really aware of how the mattress delivery process works these days. At last bed purchase, everyone was offering same or next day delivery and they would " haul your old mattress away". The very thought of which repulsed me. I don't want my clean, new mattress sharing truck space with someone else's old pee stained, DNA-fest. But I digress. . . Being that this is my most recent memory of mattress purchase, you can imagine that I was quite surprised to hear that Joey's new mattress and boxspring would not be here for two weeks. Somehow our son wrangled us into letting him sleep on the living room couch for this two week period as the purchase of a new bed suddenly alerted him to how uncomfortable his old bed was.

Now, to be fair, his old bed looked like a decrepit, swaybacked mule. If this thing was an animal, it would have been glue by now. Not only did it have a massive dip in the upper third of the mattress, it also tilted downward. I tried to sell this as a "roll out of bed with ease" feature, but he was not buying.

So finally, the two weeks of couch-camping is coming to an end. The new bed is coming today. This morning while I was in the shower, Dave took the old mattress and box spring to the curb. When I walked past Joey's room I saw the empty bed frame ringing what looked like a sock farm. There were pairs, singles, balled up and unfurled socks all over the place. Some had formed little colonies of 4 or 5, others were loners, perhaps too dirty or stinky to congregate with others. One thing that I am pretty sure of is that these little minxes multiplied. There is no way that my son could be so irresponsible and ditsy as to allow a googolplex of socks to fall behind and under his bed. Right? Am I right? Anyone? Is this thing on? (crickets. chirp. chirp)

7 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

peewee said...

ummm, yah. once (ONCE) when the maid moved our couch to vacuum underneath there were like 20 tennis balls. From the dogs. I kept buying more thinking they were "lost."

And I must say, socks aren't so bad. My mom used to find dirty dishes and candy wrappers under my brother's bed. Well, the candy wrappers MIGHT have been under my bed. i don't really remember, but probably they were my brother's.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Well, if I'm gonna be real here, there were enough dust/pet hair bunnies under my bed as a kid to knit a new dog. All I can say is that the mother's curse is so real, it's scary. The only thing that hasn't come true yet is that she hasn't come to my house and jumped on my furniture with her sneakers on.

KimberLeigh said...

My hamster got out of his cage when I was 9. I am pretty sure the sock monster under my bed got him. He disappeared without so much as a squeak. Fluffy :(. (sob)

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

RIP Fluffy. RIP.

Mare said...

Sock lesson: Never buy discount socks at The Flea Market. They look lovely, bright white and soft. Open them up and some have two heels, multiple toe areas. ;-?

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Girrrl, you know you gotta buy them good socks from the Foot Problems catalog.

somebody said...


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