Friday, June 12, 2009

Perhaps You Were Raised in a Barn


Rude and RUDE!


This is what I think of the majority of the strangers that I have encountered over the past few weeks. It seems like every trip to the 7-11, grocery store or mall results in a dis by some barn raised skank biscuit.


Just yesterday morning I walked into the 7-11 to get me a jumbo bottled water (hydration, y'all!) and I held the door for some barnyard stompin heifer who stormed right by me leaving a trail of hay in her wake. Not only did she not look me in the eye, nod in appreciation or moo a word of thanks, Bessie just plowed past with her snout in the air and did not touch the door to hold it for the person behind her. She left me holding said portal de la junk food. Who the ef am I? Jeeves? Alfred the butler?


I stood in stunned silence for a second then called out after her "Milk much? Yeah, I thought so Elsie. See you next Tuesday!" She never looked back, she just kept clip-clopping toward the barnyard.


Clearly this heinous bitch spends most of her free time picking cow pie residue out of her cloven hooves. I can imagine the squealing horde of ingrate veal that she is raising back at the barn. Surely it must be a bastion of classlessness. All hooves on the table and whatnot.


So, where in the world did peoples basic manners go? Apparently they got washed down the drain when Farmer Brown hosed out the barn. Well here's a warning to all uncouth hogs and heifers out there - Should you venture outside of the barnyard today, be on your best behavior because I am mounting a cowcatcher on the front of my minivan and if I have to, I'll get all "BEEF! It's what's for dinner" on your ass. Bring on the sirloin!

9 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

KimberLeigh said...

It's so true. It seems that more people are rude than polite. What is that about?

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Don't know,but I am ready for nice big steak.

musingwoman said...

"barn raised skank biscuit"

Can I borrow that phrase next time I go shopping? :)

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Enjoy it smothered in butter and jam with my compliments.

the letters i wish i'd written said...

please and thanks going the way of the dodo...

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Ye indeed. Apparently being trampled to death by people that live amongst their own doo doo.

Lin said...

You really shouldn't be putting down cows like that--comparing them to jerky humans. I know nicer animals than most humans.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

That's very true. All apologies to Elsie, Bessie and Brownie down on the farm.

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