Monday, June 8, 2009

Spike is a Hotness Monster

My cat Spike is a hotness monster. I swear that he is the Johnny Depp of the cat world (that's Robert Pattinson for you kids under 30).

Just the other day I walked outside with my camera and I was all "Spike, wanna do a photospread for Catsompolitain?" And he was all "Whatevs." As soon as I started to click, he fired off a bunch of provacative poses on the front lawn. I swear his hotness left a brown patch on the grass. Of course Brownie looked on and wimpered from the front door in a total state of jealousy. I'd take sexy photos of her if she'd let me, but she's usually too busy sniffing the camera lens to see if it is made of liverwurst.

Before you look, I must warn you , these are somewhat risque and may cause your eyelashes to burst into flames.

Spike was kind enough to narrate what was going through his head as he posed. He's so method. I swear he's gonna be a star.

"Hey baby, thanks for stoppin by. You look very sexy. Can I get you a drink? Saucer of milk, perhaps?"

"No? Not into drinking? Then how about I just show you some of my feline pultritude?"

"Check this out. I pulled this move on *Krazy Kat, just before I stole her heart from Ignats the mouse."

"Look into my eyes. It would be a CATastrophe to avoid my gaze."

"I like playing shy for you. Peek a boo baby!"

"MMMM. Yeah. Scratch behind my ears. You know how I like it baby."

"Was it as good for you as it was for me? Who are we kidding? It was GREAT for YOU."

OK, take a second to collect yourself. I know how overwhelming that must have been for you. And listen, your secret is safe with me. I'm not gonna tell your husband, wife or pets what you've been doing on the internet. Just make sure to brush that kitty litter off your clothes before you go back into the kitchen.
* I put this reference to Krazy Kat just to see how old you all are. Obvi, I remember her. Do you?

9 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

ooo!! That was soooooo purrrrfect!!! Your cat is the cat's pajamas!! (now you know how old I am!!)

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Hmmm. The Cat's Pajamas was a saying from the 1920's, so that must mean that you are 95. Am I close? How was prohibition, anyway? ;)

Mare said...

I think Spike is the Cat's MeoW! HOT HOT HOT!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

You've seen him in real life. He really is THAT hot!

KimberLeigh said...

Is this legal? Will you lose your blogging license for this?

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Ummmmm. I am currently unlicensed, but I have several letters of recommendation. Does that count?

Haley said...

Tasty - I'll let you figure out what I meant by that.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Sorry Haley, Brownie has dibs.

somebody said...


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