Saturday, June 6, 2009

Too Many Cooks is Really Just Me

When I cook, I don't write anything down. I am a cook by taste, smell and appearance kinda gal. When people ask me for recipes of things that I have cooked (without a recipe) I am terribly challenged to give it to them because it means that I have to retrace the winding road of pinches and dashes that I have added along the way.

So today, I was making barbecue sauce and before I started, I said to myself, let me write down what I am doing so that I can share it (should anyone ask for it) . What I came up with was a ridiculously long list of ingredients. I didn't even bother to write down the instructions after I had recorded the ingredients because I figured that I would lose most people at around the midpoint of the ingredient list.

Here it is in all its absurdity.

2 tablespoons Olive Oil
1 Medium Onion chopped fine
1 Small Jalapeno chopped fine
3 Cloves Garlic chopped fine
1 small (6 oz) can Tomato Paste
1/4 Cup prepared Ketchup
1/4 Cup Absolute Peppar Vodka
1/2 Cup Water
28 Oz Tomato Puree
2 Tbs Honey
2 Tbs Golden Syrup
Juice of 1 Lemon
1/4 Cup Balsamic Vinegar
1/3 Cup Brown Sugar
1 Teaspoon Cajun Seasoning
1/4 Teaspoon White Pepper
1/4 Teaspoon Black pepper
1/2 Teaspoon Onion Powder
1/2 Teaspoon Garlic Powder
1 Teaspoon Salt

20 effing ingredients! It seemed so much simpler when I didn't write it down. This recipe is emblematic of my personality's overall lack of economy. I break every rule in the book. I'm all - Why say it in five words when a novel will do? Why have a simple five ingredient BBQ sauce when you can use 20? Why have 1 Mallomar when there is an entire box in front of you?

You're never going to ask me for a recipe, are you? I didn't think so. It's OK. I'm not bitter. After this exercise, I wouldn't either.

9 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

musingwoman said...

A barbecue sauce with jalapeno, pepper vodka, brown sugar and cajun seasoning?

Sounds DIVINE!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

It's got a little kick to it ;)

peewee said...

Me toooo!!! People always think I'm lying when I say i don't have a I'm trying to harbor a deep family secret recipe.

really? I just don't want them to know how many oreos I put into...everything!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Yup! EEEEVERYTHING is made better by adding oreos! Now our secret is out. Gonna have to switch to Hostess Cupcakes.

Angelika said...

I don't use recipes either. When I first moved out on my own, it made me sick because my mother would say crap like "add some of this." or "you'll know when it's done."

It wasn't until I started cooking for myself that I understood.

Problem is, a lot of times not even I can recreate the stuff I cook because I don't know what I added, LOL.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Me two. No two batches of meatballs are EVER exactly the same.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I don't think I'd ever agree to give out a recipe if I were you. Just be all "It's a family secret" or something, cuz it sounds like too much trouble to figure all that out. Tell 'em you just can't tame or tie down your recipes to the constraints of its ingredients and instruction on paper.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Wow, that's a great solution. Play the tiger that can't be tamed angle. Leave it to NGIP to bring the wildlife aspect into it!

somebody said...


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