Saturday, July 4, 2009

Diary Grew THAT? Get The Smelling Salts! I Feel Faint!

For the past few blog installments, I have tested you, fair readers with a three part series (1, 2, 3) . Each part in the series was pretty long, and for those of you that hung in with it, I salute you AND I thank you. So what is your reward for being such good readers and patient souls?

A flower!

Ok, look, it's not just a flower, it's some kind of exotic, multi-leveled petal monstrosity. And if you knew just what a shitty gardener I am, then you'd be all "DG you're so awesome for growing this hardy, Forrest Gump coulda planted it, Lily!" .

To say that I have a brown thumb is -

a) Kinda gross, because it could indicate some sort of deviant hobby.

b) A ridiculous understatement.

I can't grow plants because they require care. I don't have a lot of that to spare, so my plants tend to go un-watered, un-fertilized and un-alive.

I have accepted that gardening is simply not one of my gifts. I have made peace with it. Really, I have. That is until I go to my friend Mare's house. When I go there, my remedial gardening skills nag at me like a hemorrhoid. Every square inch of Mare's backyard is landscaped to perfection. When she sees that a plant isn't thriving in a particular area, she moves it, fertilizes it and reads it English poetry until it is the most remarkably flourishing collection of chlorophyll on the planet. She is such a talented chick!

As a fourth of July gift to all of you non-gardeners out there, I am going to refer you to a site where you can buy lilies like the one you see above and then some. It's called Flourishing Daylilies. This lady lives to breed lilies (I don't understand it, but I don't hate on her. She has a hobby and she's damned good at it) and every plant that I have gotten from her has been a smashing success, despite my utter indifference toward its care. Check it out! Good luck and happy 4th!

11 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

peewee said...

Yah. I can barely keep plants alive too. My last attempt was buying 2 ikea .99 plants. They did last like 3 whole months under my care. Ah well. Some people plant, some people shop. Can't do EVERYTHING.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

You kept them alive for three months? If you ask me, that's party-worthy. Celebrate your success. Go out and buy yourself something nice!

Sandy said...

I am actually not allowed to get near plants. Some of them have restraining orders out against me.

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...


We might both be on some FBI most wanted plant killer list. I kind of always felt like my english ivy was watching me. Could be under surveillance.

Lin said...

You know, I'm good with outside plants, but it's those darned inside ones that I kill--or just want to most of the time. I have replaced all of their sorry roots ('asses' just wouldn't work here) with faux plants and they are just fine. Yes! No watering anymore. Hooray.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...


I figured that you had the gardneing touch. I mean, anyone with a frog pond in their yard is tipping their hand at garden greatness. You can be the Midwest version of my friend Mare. I will simply admire your plant prowess from afar.

Mare said...

Ha! You just think my weeds are pretty! I'm very flattered! Thanks for making it sound like I know what I'm doing! And I agree about Flourishing Daylilies - I'm thinking of placing another order - but need to research late bloomers. August is just a month of greenery! It's like the show is over till Fall. Miss U!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

You do know what you're doing. I am kind of "special" in the gardening dept. You're in like the mensa of gardening.

JStantonChandler said...

Confession time: I saw your name on Duck and Wheel with String's blog and was intrigued. Now that I've read this post, I'm hooked! I had to snort into my bowl of watermelon instead of laughing outloud so that my boss wouldn't think I was completely insane!

I have a rather odd gardening dilemma: I can grow herbs and flowers and things from seed but I kill bamboo and cacti. What is THAT all about?!?!?!?!

Happy weekend and thanks again for the laugh! It was much needed this Friday morning :)


DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Welcome Jennifer. So happy to have you here.
I will be returning the favor and visiting your way soon.

I must say, I am baffled by your gardening dilemma. Those are the two things that just might be hardy enough to withstand my tortures. Keep up the good work with the cacti. If they were all gone, who'd notice?

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