Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I Don't Do Reality Unless Your Name is Zacharia, then it's on!

Ok, so I'm a total poser when it comes to reality TV. I like to front and be all "I never watch reality TV. " I'll brag that I have never seen an episode of Survivor or the Bachelor or Big Brother. But the truth is I am a total reality show whore, as long as the reality show features fashion, cooking or the Amish.


What Amish, you might ask? Amish in the form of a magnificent little gift from the heavens called "Amish in the City". Oh, you don't remember it? Allow me to recap:

In 2004 the UPN aired a reality show where the premise was to put a half dozen Amish kids on rumspringa in a house with half a dozen non-Amish. Rumspringa is an Amish rite of passage where kids leave the Amish community and experience the outside world. If they choose to go back to their families, then they get folded back into that world, no questions asked. If they choose to stay among "the English" their families shun them for the rest of their lives. Sounds like the makins of some mighty fine reality TV, right? Guess not. It lasted only one season, but I thought it was one season of heaven.


There was this one dude called "Mose" who whittled toys out of wood and smoked a corn cob pipe. As the oldest of the Amish kids (he was 25, I think), he was the most awkward and set in his Amish ways. The rest of the Amish kids wrestled with how to dress slutty, how much to drink without passing out, how to relate to modern music and had some truly moving experiences, like seeing the ocean for the first time. I thought the show brought the drama. How can you deny the dramatic tension between a girl who whittles her own buttons out of a hank of bone vs. a club girl whose biggest decision each day is whether or not to wear a skirt short enough to expose her pantyless cooter. I demand a recount!

But alas, Amish in the City was not even a blip on any one's radar but mine and my friend Mare's. Even back in '04 when it was running on UPN if I dared to throw out a "Hey did you see . . . " at the water cooler, people looked at me like I had a turd between my teeth. . I am guessing a gang of two does not blow up the skirts of the Neilsen folks and it ended up a one season wonder.

Nowadays, just like before there was an Amish in the City, I get my Amish fix in the actual Amish Country. I am anxiously awaiting a family trip to Lancaster PA next month. Every time I have gone to Lancaster in the years since Amish in the City, I find myself staring extra hard at every young Amish adult to see if they are from the cast of the show. It's silly, I know, but it's not my most shameful reality stalking. There was this one time when I searched the corners of San Francisco for Puck from the Real World SanFrancisco. . . . .


Watch Mose get his mullet cut here:



12 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Lin said...

Okay, you can go stalk the Amish, but remember--no photos!! You aren't supposed to photograph them.

I didn't watch this show, but I am TOTALLY a reality show watcher. Not even ashamed of it. Survivor is my all time fav and I know I'd be #2 voted off. Even I know not to irk everyone on the first day. I would last until Day 2 and then they'd all be hating on me.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Lin.

I never photograph them, just oogle them from a distance. I'm really good at distance oogling!

KimberLeigh said...

I am also intrigued by the Amish. I've been to Amish country one time. When I was there I discovered that I love shoo fly pie. I have no idea what it's made of, but I love it.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Hmmm. Really? I have always thought of Shoofly Pie as a dark moment in Amish history. But I knew that someone must be eating it and loving it because they sell it EVERYWHERE!

Mare said...

This still gets my vote as one of the top reality series of all time! Need to research Mose and maybe some of the others. Would love to know what they're up to. Maybe Mose is whittling! LOL
My mom used to sing a song that went like this... "Shoo Fly Pie and Apple Pan Dowdy makes your eyes light up and stomach say Howdy". Never had the pie though!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

My dad sings that too. Makes my brother and I crack up because he usually does a little jig when he sings it. Makes him look like a total dork. Your mom was probably cute when she sang it.

Wendi said...

You are hilarious. However, I much prefer the Mennonites. They're not as obnoxious and showy as those stuck-up Amish.

Wendi

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Thanks Wendi. You are so right. The Mennonites are a PARTY!

Mare said...

I was always under the impression that the Mennonites were, "Amish Gone Bad". Like when driving thru Amish country at night, the homes with the bright lights are the Mennonites.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Hematites and Stalagtites?

Mare said...

Gorgonites!

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