Saturday, July 25, 2009

Just a Regular Gal


What is with this nation's obsession with poo food? It seems that you can't turn on the television these days without some product or other claiming to make your morning constitutional -

1) Happen

2) Smooth as Silk

3) Guaranteed on time and on budget with a side of mental well being


What happened to the good old days when poo was a secret thing that ladies upheld the image of NEVER DOING? As my friend Dennis once said - "She may do it, but in my mind doves carry it away." Somehow I actually find that image MORE disturbing than his Mrs actually dropping anchor, but whatever. Nowadays we women trumpet the fact that we've got one on deck or we lament our lack of regularity in public forums.


When I was in my late teens and early twenties, there was no one hotter than Jamie Lee Curtis. He brief nude scene in Trading Places had all of my male friends completely horned up and may have been the real reason for that movie's popularity (sorry Eddie, you were great, but JLC's boobage was spectacular). Now JLC, Halloween scream queen and 80's sex symbol is the poster child for middle-aged constipation. WTF people? Every time I watch TV I am assaulted by her Activia commercials or by the blissed-out faces of Dulcolax users swinging in hammocks or by the poo-producing results of Benefiber or Sunsweet Prunes or Fiber One Cereal or Fiber Plus Bars or Craptastic Taffy or whatever. It's a shitstorm of poo food.


Well you can call me old-fashioned because I refuse to share with anyone the where, why and how of my personal habits. As a matter of fact, to this day I maintain that I never go. But I have a cage full of doves at the ready, just in case.

15 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

the letters i wish i'd written said...

I am totally onboard and in complete and utter agreement, I need not know about the bowel movements of others, flush it, forget it, move on!

linlah said...

Craptastik Taffy, if that product were actaully on the market who would be the spokesperson?

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Letters - discretion and lack of obsession are the way to go.

Linlah - Suzanne Sommers comes to mind. Not sure why, but I'm gonna go with it.

Aunt Becky said...

Jamie Lee Curtis trying to shill yogurt to me kinda squiggs me out.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Aunt Becky - Especially when it's the kind of yogurt that guarantees "movement". Ewwww.

musingwoman said...

Another reason why I'm glad I watch so little TV.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Yeah, I probably watch TV too much, so I can tell you which stars are having digestive issues. I need to get a hobby, pronto.

KimberLeigh said...

I'm with you on this one. Us gals need to maintain a little mystery.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Uh huh. Delicate flowers that we are.

Amy said...

As a new mommy my life revolves around excrement...all.the.time. "Has the baby gone?...How many times has he gone?...What was it's consistancy, color, texture, and odor???"
It's enough to drive you mad!
Oh, and I live with my in-laws who have a fridge stocked to the gills with Activia!

Hilarious post!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Amy,

So glad you dropped in on poo day. I remember the days of scrutinizing baby poop for every possible attribute. Believe it or not, my 13 year old son still feels compelled to give me a post game, play by play of his "business". I hope he draws the line at college, because that would be an awkward phone call.

angryredhead said...

first of all, love the title.

secondly, my guy friends absolutely cannot digest (har har) the idea of girls doing #2. the fact that i write #2 instead of saying "crapping" just shows how much their opinions have affected me.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Hey AngryRedhead,

Thanks for stopping by and I LOVE YOUR NAME!! I am a redhead too and often quite angry. We should swap war stories sometime about the uncouth things said about redheads over the years.

Guys really do have weirdness about women and basic bodily functions. Conversely, women have to accept tons o' crap about men, well, crapping. They practically plan their lives around it.

angryredhead said...

hahahaha, we absolutely should, i have plenty of stories to share! i wandered over here from cornbean i think, and i really enjoy your style.

and yes, after living with countless male roommates i am thoroughly scarred on the subject. don't even get me started on the overflowing toilets...

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