Monday, August 24, 2009

Get Down With Your Bad Osmond Self

So I was poking around at one of my favorite blogs Ummmm yesterday and the topic was records. Actual stacks-o-wax albums. Being of the correct demographic, I commented about how I was owner of all sorts of Osmond, Partridge, Cassidy and Sherman chestnuts. In retrospect, I would have to say that by the time I was nine, I had amassed a pretty impressive collection of audio cheese. Thinking about my album collection brought me back to the time when I was listening to The Osmond Brothers Crazy Horses in my room and I got inspired to see what would happen if I baked crayon shavings and clay in the EZ Bake oven. My father got one whiff of melting wax and he snipped the cord, without benefit of Rabbinical supervision.

All this childhood nostalgia got me thinking; was there any video of the Osmond Brothers performing (what was) my favorite O-Bros song, Crazy Horses? Crazy Horses was the Osmond's best attempt at rocking out. And while it was certainly heavier than the content on "To You With Love, Donny", it was heavy in an Osmond way. Your grandmother would still probably like it.

Well damned if I don't love the digital age, because seek and ye shall find. Here it is in all its absurd glory. I still remembered which brother was which and I'm pretty sure that the lead singer on this track was Jay. Jay had an unusual dance style that I don't recall ever seeing before. Perhaps the last time that I saw them perform this, I was not sophisticated enough to know that the Funky Chicken was an inappropriate choice of dance move for this song, or any other. Just because the song has synthesized horse noises in it, does not require you to bring the barnyard on stage, Jay.


Anyway, check this out. I got a huge charge out of it. If you are somewhere north of your late 30's you might pee yourself laughing, I suggest strapping on a Depends before viewing. If you are under 30, you'll probably just shake your head in disbelief and wonder what you can do to widen the generation gap, because you old people are freaks.



19 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

linlah said...

Hmm white men really can't dance. I think I was listening to Grand Funk at this point in life.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Be thankful to have missed this. The pain. The pain of my own lameness overwhelms me.

Lin said...

OH. MY. GOD!! You did me in with that one DG!! There is just so much wrong here and it frightens me to think I too had those Osmond, Partridge Family, David Cassidy albums. Uh, I still have the Partridge Family handy, thank you very much. My cousin had dibs on Bobby Sherman, so I didn't dare buy his albums.

What is with that Jay??! He's an idiot. And Merrill?? Dude, who stole your chin? Is that Alan singing in the back?? He looks like a tall Jimmy--who, by the way irked the hell out of me. And Donny?! Crazy Man on the keyboard!! I think this was the result of the increasing popularity of the ever-so-cool Jackson's. Yikes.

Why, oh why do you live so far from me DG??! We'd have some fun listening to this crap, having a few cocktails, and peeing in our pants from laughing together. Thanks for the belly laugh today!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Lin,

Wow, you're worse than me! You named them all and called out distinguishing facial features! I feel validated that someone else can share in this richly educational video. We are products of the seventies, like Tang or those weird chewy astronaut protien sticks that I remember from 4th grade (can't for the life of me remember the name of them).

You and I armed with a cocktail shaker and a Partridge Family album could be dangerous! Might have to meet up at BlogHer next year to compare album collections.

peewee said...

I... A/have shivers because I LOVED THOSE ASTRONAUT STICKS!!!
B/ Literally laugh/cried as that video started and then THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH.

That made my day. I had never heard that song, so extra bonus for me. Oh that dance! I am SO doing that as my wedding dance if and when I ever get married. That song makes me WANT to get married just to do it.

They are so LAME! I am still laughing. It's no wonder they never quite made it. Donny was the only real talent. Oh how I still hold my crush on that Mormon!

THANKS!!!! Still laughing...gonna go watch it again.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Pee Wee,

What were they called?!?!?!? Must google strange astronaut food!!!! I'll be back. . .

PS - please forward all video of you dancing like Jay Osmond in a white gown to - diaryofamadbathroom@gmail.com

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Yes!

http://www.victoryseeds.com/candystore/space_food_sticks.html

Amy said...

AHHAHAHHHAHHAH!!! BRAVO, DG, BRAVO!!!
I am literally choking on my cheerios over here!! That is the most absurd thing I have ever witnessed!!!

And thank you for this: "Just because the song has synthesized horse noises in it, does not require you to bring the barnyard on stage, Jay." No truer words were ever spoken!!

Being 31, I somehow narrowly escaped the Osmond boys. I am strangely sad about this fact after watching this brilliant display of wild jerking dance moves!

JStantonChandler said...

Oh my freaking goodness! That was hilarious! Do that funky chicken, Jay!!! I'm surprised he didn't throw out his back or injure one of his brothers with those wild, flailing limbs. I'm sending that video to my husband right now!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Oh Amy, had I known you were an Osmond innocent, I might have thought twice before exposing you to THAT. See what your relative youth has spared you?

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Jen,

You are so right. He had elbows and knees flying at all angles. What if he had knocked out Donny's famous teeth? Then where would they be?

SLColman said...

That video is awesomely hysterical!! White men totally can not dance... At least not those white boys!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

SLC,

I know. The big finish that he does at the ends waving all his limbs in four directions had me doubled over in laughter. I keep watching the video at work with the sound off and it cracks me up every time.

WyzWmn© said...

I specially like the "echo" effect
*ahem*

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Wyzwmn,

Righteous, right? Hee hee.

Lola said...

I'm right there with you, with the Osmonds and David Cassidy. The Osmonds kind of lost me with this one, I didn't like it, so I just skipped that one on the album.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Lola,

So did you have "To You With Love Donny", with Donny on the cover in an Elvis-like jumpsuit? Or perhaps you had the David Cassidy "Cherish" album with the picture of DC looking all kinds of sexy on the cover? I ended up spilling one of my many experiments on those albums depriving my daughter of that legacy. Something tells me she's probably not crushed.

Snappy Di said...

Definitely a Funky Chicken dance by Jay, and what the heck was Donny doing with his voice? It sounded painful.

LOL

Di

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