Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Duck, it's the Hawk

First, before I launch into today's post, I need to profusely thank Erin at the Mother Load for a great award. Get this . . . it does not have any rules! What? PARTY!!!!! However, she used it as a means to recommend some newly found blogs to her readers and I will make my recommendations as well. Now ya'll stop giving me awards or I'll get all spoiled and expect them every time I leave a brain dropping.








What I would like you all to do is to take a peek at the blogroll on my profile. I heartily recommend all the fun and fabulous bloggers listed there. Congratulations to all of you! If you're on there, grab the award and share the love with some of your peeps.




Now . . .on with today's post.



"Ma, ya gotta wax my unibrow!" This is what my son yelled at me from the back of the van on the way to dinner last night. My daughter, sensing an opportunity to insult her brother launched into a tirade about his brow line, demanding that I shave "The Hawk" because it's heinous. We have referred to my son's brows as "The Hawk" since around second grade when it became crystal clear to us that his Russian and Sicilian roots were making themselves known above his eyes. They grow in an malevolent looking downward turn toward the bridge of his nose, forming a V shape, like a hawk soaring in the sky.



When the boy was little, he was pale. Hmmm, no, that's not right. He was clear. And skinny. I can remember my father asking me "Does he eat?", which of course he did, but as he had enough energy in him to power a small city, he burnt it off as faster than he could take it in. His Doctor nicknamed him the perpetual motion baby because he would pick him up under the arms and hold him in the air and his arms and legs would be pedaling and spinning like he was running a marathon. So with his skinny, ghostly countenance and the eventual sprout of freckles across his face, I thought he would take after the Scotch/Irish side. But judging by his brows, I apparently went on a black out drunk, wandered into the woods and had relations with a Yeti. My husband hasn't made any accusations yet, but I would imagine that by the time the boy is 21, his paternity may come under question.

So after dinner, we stopped by the Rite Aid Drug store and headed for the depillitory section. He helped me select some wax strips (yes, he's brand loyal, he's a teenager) and we bailed. When we got home we headed to the bathroom and we began the familiar ritual of cutting the wax stips to size and we got to rippin. My son, sensing the intimacy and quiet of the moment did what he always does and he took the opportunity to ask me for something. "Hold still and be quiet," I told him. "I need to concentrate. You don't want to look like one of those douchy guys that shaves lines in your eyebrows, do you?" But he was undaunted by the possibility of a waxing mishap and he came at me again with his request. I did my best to ignore his pleas for a new video game and I focused on the task at hand. Zip. Zip. Zip. Aaaaah, human again.


I took a deep breath and I looked at his freckled face and at his thick head of brown hair. He was adorable. He gave me a bracefaced smile and a look of anticipation for my answer. I looked at him for a second, sighed a heavy sigh and sent him out to the woods to ask his father.

20 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

How cute is it that you wax his brows for him! My hubby asks me to wax his ears....does that count?

Nel said...

Did he get the video game?!?

Lin said...

Oh, the things we don't do for the men in our lives. My neighbor cuts her husband's toe nails. There is no way in hell I'd be doing that.

Glad he feels better about his brows--I'm guessing he can see better too?!

Jen Chandler said...

As always, a laugh much needed :) Glad he got rid of "The Hawk" :)

Jen

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

I'm thinking your mother/son eyebrow wax is the teenager version of cleaning his face with a mom-spit-thumb.

I am seeing into my future...

kyslp said...

I try to convince *some people* around here to let me wax their brows to no avail. Is the yeti hawt?

Amy said...

Oh, God DG!! I am holding my sides as I tremble with shakes of laughter!! A yeti?? Hahahahahah!!

I totally heart your relationship with your kids! I hope I'm close enough to wax body parts someday...if the need ever arises:)

linlah said...

You're an award queen or something like that! And is he maybe a love child of ANDY ROONEY and not a Yeti?

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Lee - It counts more because he's not blood related to you. You may be a saint.

Nel - Um, yeah. He's sitting here playing it right now. I'm a pushover.

Lin - I would go the the ends of the earth for my kids. Clipping things for the hubster. . . I might be a tad reluctant. OK, I wouldn't do it, I'm a crap wife.

And yes, he sees better and his sunglasses fit again.

Jen - Happy to have you back in the neighborhood!


LPR - Perfect analogy. If you're doing the fingersmear today, you and the little guy will be sitting in Anastasia's for brow shaping followed by twinsie mani-pedis. Having boys rocks!

Kyslp - The Yeti is fierce and I don't mean his fashion sense.

Amy - Trust me, you'll be waxing, picking and washing a whole host of things in the Jacker's life. If you get past the diapers, the rest is cake.


Linlah - Could be. . . you know how I love me the furries.

blueviolet said...

The closest I've come to grooming is using the electric hair cutter thingie on my son. My husband is on his own. He's beyond my help.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Blueviolet - Agreed. Hubster needs to fire up his own pot of wax.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

i was thinking something similar tonight as i clipped and cleaned my son's toenails - he's 7, not 17 people. his feet are a miniature version of his father's feet - which i (mini puke in mouth) LOATHE and i look at them and think - i don't know how much longer i'm going to be able to hack this crap

Aria said...

Thanks sweetie! I don't have this one!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

SFTC - If I had to deal with his father's feet, I'd have run away to Venezuela already.

Aria - My pleasure!

Harlem's A Hatin said...

How adorable he wanted you to wax his unibrow! Wonderful blog. No wonder you're winnin awards!

Check out my blog, I just got into this whole world!
http://harlemshaterade.blogspot.com

peewee said...

you NEVER fail to make me laugh!! A yeti! HAHAHHAHA!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Harlem's A Hatin - Thank you and welcome. I will pop over to your place this weekend.

Pee Wee - Thanks. I am getting quite skilled at this wax thing.

JennyMac said...

SOOOO very funny. You can open your own spa soon. :)

Congratulations on the award. :) You know I am partial to it. LOL.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

JennyMac - Thank you kindly. You created a lovely award.

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