Sunday, October 25, 2009

Forty is Fabulous, Fifty is Frightening

Your girl Diary is getting soft. Not that doughy, middle-aged kind of soft that you might picture (I've been that way since I was two), but the "when the eff did I turn into my mother?" soft.

As I look back over the last twenty seven years of my adulthood, edgy and angsty have given way to comfortable and luxury seeking. Long gone are the days when I would feel safe and happy just chillin at a Motel Six with a box of wine and my best girlies for annual girl's weekend. I no longer want to eat fast food for any meal while I'm away and if the facilities and comfort level are not on point, I am much more likely to turn on my heel and take my business elsewhere. So, what I guess I want to know is, where was I when the body snatchers whisked me away and replaced me with a bougie suburban haus frau? Furthermore, when did my friends and I become the ladies that lunch?

I am really examining the evolution of my behavior of late for several reasons, the primary one being the recent 50th birthday of one of my dearest friends. She is the first in our tightly knit little circle to have reached that milestone and I am admittedly a little freaked out. And while we've never exactly been a bunch of crazy, pole dancing biker chicks, we are a fun group that has had some insane parties and engaged in some very outrageous behavior. How can we possibly justify continuing this behavior at F-F-F-F-F-ifty (see, I can't even say the F word)? It's conflicting, concerning and downright scary.

Another problem that I face is that while I accept the fact that I am indeed middle-aged, my brain still thinks I'm sixteen years old. You know that old saying "You're only as old as you feel."? Well mentally, I am still too young to vote. It's like my brain doesn't recognize the physical part of aging - body parts drifting south at an alarming rate, father time hiking all over my grill (in golf shoes) and middle age spread, that is, well, spreading. At some point, someone is going to have to sit my brain down and tell it the truth - we're old. I know the conversation won't go over well. I expect a lot of slamming doors, gnashing of teeth and self-protecting denial. And while I'm not exactly ready for the Red Hat Society, I think old brain and I have to accept that a certain amount of "dialing back" of old behaviors is appropriate.

Having just returned from girl's weekend this afternoon, I have a perfect illustration of how we are getting old and tame. This weekend we paid a visit to The Spa at Woodloch in Pennsylvania. We had a fabulous time, like we always do when we get together, but it occurred to us that this was a long way from our first couple of trips, when we were all really broke and the accommodations were quite vanilla. At one point we were all floating in the pool waiting for our facial appointments and we looked at each other and said - Who are we?

Now before you go off thinking that I am complaining, I am definitely not. I am very grateful that I have such a fabulous group of friends and that we can take these amazing little weekends together. And while we can't be as wild and crazy as we were in the past, we can still party hard. We just need a little shiatsu and a good, long soak in order to recover.

The pictures below are from the spa that we visited and beneath that is a video from the movie Camp (Sorry, I am a theater geek to the core. I can't reference Ladies Who Lunch without thinking of the song. This is a favorite rendition.). All and all it was pretty awesome and I was grateful to be there with my best girlies, even if we mostly just reminisced about our wild days. Well, that's not exactly true. There was some police activity this weekend . . sorry about that speeding ticket Mare :(

This is the chandelier in the entrance way that we did not swing from.

This is the indoor waterfall/whirlpool that we did not get busy in.

This is the outdoor spa that we did not get busy in.

This is the indoor pool that nobody vomited margaritas into.

24 Your comments, banter and witty repartee: said...

I'm right there with you. In my mind I am still somewhere in my early 30's. I have a wrinkle between my eyebrows that is driving me insane and it's a daily reminder that I am actually 45.

I've asked Santa for Botox because....I want it. :)

blueviolet said...

I totally understand your mind not being where your body is at. I'm guilty of looking around at people my age and thinking they're old, and then realizing that's what I look like.

Your spa weekend sounds just as wild as it needed to be! :)

kys said...

Looks like a great place to visit. I thought 50 is the new 30. I forget how old I am all the time - till I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror - ay yi yi. Or when I'm talking to some young whipper snapper and they give me the WTF look if I make a reference to Square Pegs or New Coke.

hokgardner said...

I'm creeping up on 40. and I'm having a tough time with it. I imagine I'll be a mess in 10 years, because I still feel like a goofy, socially awkward 15 year old with braces.

And that spa looks divine!

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

I think I have created my own mythology wherein I used to be sort of awesome.

I no longer have the energy to drum up any awesomeness, and luckily I stop just short of having enough energy to care about the scarcity of awesome. (When I was young, we used to say, "awesome.")

Now I'm just plain rad. So are you. (Let's give the adjective, "rad" a little renaissance.)

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Nancy - I hope Snata brings you everything you want thia year.

Blue Violet - I do that ALL THE TIME. It is alarming.

Kys - Park it next to me. I have lots of opinions about new coke (hated it) and Square Pegs (Was that REALLY Sarah Jessica Parker under that bulky sweater?)

Hokgardener - Forty is my favorite age. It has a lot to offer in the way of empowerment and clarity. The problem is that you use that clarity to see the oncoming train of fifty and there's no getting out of its way.

LPR - I agree about the personal mythology. I was a legend in my own mind. A fabulous suburban pegasus. But the truth is that I was just younger than I am now.

I am willing to help you resurrect the word rad. We never used that on the east coast, so I have the opportunity to be a trend setter. And I like that idea. With my exposure to 13 year olds, I am perfectly positioned to make that happen.

Melissa B. said...

Awwwwww...50 isn't all that frightening. I'm livin' life & lovin' it!

A Recipe to Warm the Soul & Clear theh Sinuses

Erin M. said...

I still feel 16 in my head, too.

I am jealous because I've never had a group of girlfriends that traveled/took trips together. I've always been kind of shy and somewhat of a loner. But I long for that kind of friendship be able to escape with good friends, no matter where we go or what we do.

babookworm said...

Thank you so much! You've really made me smile. Not just by what you wrote and that hilarious song, but by your readers comments as well.

I'm really glad to have found you through SITS.

Amy said...

Awww, D...You're not getting soft. With age comes good things financial stability, and...uh...You don't have that pesky cashier card you when you buy wine.

Uh. Yeah. Getting old sucks.

I too am still 16 in my mind, and am shocked everytime (it happens often) some young wipper snapper calls me M'am!

BTW: Love the captions under all your photos! Classic!!!!

The Blonde Duck said...

Popped in from SITS to say hi!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Melissa - Please spend the next five years reminding me of that.

Erin - I'm actually kind of shy too (though I have been less so from my mid thirties on).I think motherhood, work and even blogging help put us in situations that expose us to others and create opportunities for friendships to grow. I didn't meet this group of girls until I was 23 and we tiptoed into our friendship. It took about 2 years to get close enough that we would do things like take trips together. Now we're practically family.

Babookworm - Happy to have you here. I do have GREAT commenters. Blogging is such a great avenue to meet smart, funny and talented women.

Amy - It seems like it's downhill from the first m'am. Once you get the first one, they come at you fast and furious. At least you are in the south and you can rationalize that it's just the manners that people were raised with and not your age (that's definitely what I would tell myself).

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

The Blonde Duck - Hi. Welcome (or should I say "quack"?)


i don't mind getting old but i definitely mind looking old - i want botox too and a mild chemical peel and a boob lift and ...

Aunt Becky said...

Okay, woman, I'm staging an intervention. I'm coming with and we're gonna have a BLAST and I am going to bring the heat and we're gonna PARRRRTY it up.

Lin said...

Crap, do I have to admit to feeling like you do? I'm eternally 22 or perhaps, 28. My flabby arms and suddenly chubby mid-section is telling me otherwise. Weird things like hysterectomies and reflux appear from nowhere and I'm standing here wondering what the hell is happening. I'm going down fighting, DG.

Glad to hear you had fun, even if it wasn't the "fun" of the old days. It's a different kind of fun. Ugh.

Chief said...

Im still trying to find my nipples! get old sucks

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

SFTC - Please let me know how you do at sourcing those services. I might need a ecommendation.

Aunt Becky - I have no doubt that you can bring the heat. I appreciate that you are willing to help an old woman out.

Lin - I'll give it a good fight too! I have a hell of a right hook!

Cheif- If you're like me, start looking somewhere around your knees.

our b life said...

Spa weekend. Priceless. It should never be how old your body is only what your mind tells you.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Our B Life - I like the idea of sticking with what the brain says.

Eva Gallant said...

I'm pay my blog a visit! Just stopped by from SITS!

elasticwaistbands said...

i'm glad i'm not the only one gettin' soft. my mantra now is "elastic waistbands and comfortable shoes". when did i turn into my grandmother?! and i'm so sorry to hear about the lack of gettin' it on in the hot tub and margarita vomit in the pool. dang, why can't good things last?...!

i'm a follower now.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Eva - OK. ;)

Elasticwaistbands - Yes girl, I'm with you!

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