Saturday, October 3, 2009
"Good morning sunshine. I left a gift for you." I sat up and looked around the room to see who was offering me early morning treats, but nobody was there. I stumbled into the bathroom and flipped on the light and there it was. My gift. Apparently that heinous bitch Mother Nature had come a-callin and she decided to bestow two spankin new pimples on my grill. One for the chin and one for the nose. . .wouldn't want only one, then it would be lonely.
I scuffed my way downstairs and put on a pot of coffee. As it brewed, I thought about my gift. Why this? Why now? I didn't just roll off the assembly line. I have mad mileage on my tires. Why would a woman of mid-life be getting the zits now? I think I got five zits throughout my entire teen years. That was simply not one of the problems that I had to deal with. I had plenty of others, believe me. Just not that one.
So, I sat down and over a cup of coffee, I thought about the best way to address this issue. I have a family dinner planned for tonight, so I can't stay in and hide my new found puberty. I will have to share with the world. I thought and thought. Then I had another cup of coffee and I thought some more. Then, as I was pouring my third cup of coffee, it came to me. I'll bake an Apple Pie. Oh, and a pan of Blondies.
I reflected on my decision for a second. Are sweets really the way to resolve mid-life onset acne? No, probably not. But when I die, someone from Mother Nature's crew is going to have to deal with what to do with me. I figure I can make their job more difficult if my ass is REALLY large.
So screw you Mother Nature and NO you CANNOT have a bite of my pie, bitch!