Saturday, October 3, 2009

Mother Nature's Gift Rewarded


"Good morning sunshine. I left a gift for you." I sat up and looked around the room to see who was offering me early morning treats, but nobody was there. I stumbled into the bathroom and flipped on the light and there it was. My gift. Apparently that heinous bitch Mother Nature had come a-callin and she decided to bestow two spankin new pimples on my grill. One for the chin and one for the nose. . .wouldn't want only one, then it would be lonely.

I scuffed my way downstairs and put on a pot of coffee. As it brewed, I thought about my gift. Why this? Why now? I didn't just roll off the assembly line. I have mad mileage on my tires. Why would a woman of mid-life be getting the zits now? I think I got five zits throughout my entire teen years. That was simply not one of the problems that I had to deal with. I had plenty of others, believe me. Just not that one.

So, I sat down and over a cup of coffee, I thought about the best way to address this issue. I have a family dinner planned for tonight, so I can't stay in and hide my new found puberty. I will have to share with the world. I thought and thought. Then I had another cup of coffee and I thought some more. Then, as I was pouring my third cup of coffee, it came to me. I'll bake an Apple Pie. Oh, and a pan of Blondies.

I reflected on my decision for a second. Are sweets really the way to resolve mid-life onset acne? No, probably not. But when I die, someone from Mother Nature's crew is going to have to deal with what to do with me. I figure I can make their job more difficult if my ass is REALLY large.

So screw you Mother Nature and NO you CANNOT have a bite of my pie, bitch!

32 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Kelly said...

I feel your pain!! I never really broke out in my teens, but now every time I get pregnant, and for a few months post partum I break out like crazy. I guess mother nature is going to get you coming or going!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Kelly - amen to that. And zits are only a small slice of what she gives you for pregnancy. Then you get so many gifts, you don't know what to open first - the heartburn or the swollen feet? The Zits or the backache. So many to choose from!

Lacie @ Creative Attempts said...

Lol.....okay i am so with you on this one. I had hardly any acne in my teens but here I am now in my late 20's and I always have at least one or two monster "spots" that I am slathering coverage on. I am so close to trying something trendy like proactive I mean hello nothing is more annoying than a zit, bad hair, or jeans that zipped last month but wont today ha ha

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Lacie - Thanks for stopping by. Zits are transient, thank goodness. But the bad hair? I can't sweat the bad hair. It is 100% humidity here from June through mid-September. I don't even stand a chance. I look like some crazy homeless woman until the fall.

Foursons said...

Oh I feel for you! There is something really wrong when we have wrinkles (not saying you do, but I sure do!) and acne at the same time. Curses to hormones!

Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Foursons - Um...yeah... I have a couple. More wrinkles than the number of pimples and less than a sharpei.

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

If your new facial accessories are accompanied by intermittent moments of is-it-hot-in-here-or-is-it-just-me-wait-don't-answer-that, then welcome to peri-menopause... if not yet, then I'll be here waiting for you, sweating and smelling like Clearasil.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

LPR - Damn! Is that what it is? I thought I had a couple of years before I had to carry a portable fan.

kyslp said...

I'm there too, my friend. I had perfect skin (the only thing of mine I could say that about) until this year. Now I have acne. I suspect perimenopause given my age and the not sleeping well at night. Going to the dr next week to discuss my options.

Ageing sux!

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

i have been creating a post that took me 4 hours so i will come back and read this later, but wanted to let you know that you have an award waiting for you over at my place

Chief said...

Came over from "the crib". I think I'll stay if you don't mind...we seem like we might be from the same side of the tracks (if you know what I mean).

I was wondering if you would send me one of your pink pens? Just wonderin...

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Kyslp - Amen to that. Between using the boobs as hackey sacks and odd break outs, I am hardly aging gracefully. It takes a village to make me presentable these days and the village is on vacation.

Speaking From the Crib - Well, ain't you sweet? Thank you so much for the award! That was some post. I can see why it took four hours to put together. You must be linked out!

Cheif - Thanks for coming over. I am thrilled that you are staying. And if you really want one (or a fistful) of my pink pens, I'd be glad to oblige. Just leave your snail mail address on e-mail and I'll send you more doohickies with my name on it than you ever wanted. And let me be clear when I say - "No backsies".

I am going to stop over to your site tomorrow as my eyes are closing as I ty . .ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

WhisperingWriter said...

I love this.

I currently have a gross zit by my nose. *Sighs*

Happy SITs Saturday Sharefest.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Whispering Writer - A nose zit? Is it a girl? Maybe our zits can have a playdate. The one on my chin is harshly shutting the one on my nose out of jump rope.

Erin M. said...

I am so relieved that I'm not alone in the zit department. Why do they lie and tell you zits are only for teenagers? YOU LIE! YOU LIE!

And it doesn't matter how healthy I try to eat (and I don't drink soft drinks anymore, either). Someone lied when they said zits come from eating junk food. So I may as well go grab that bag of Lays and go to town! I have a free pass!

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

i always say IT IS GOD'S VERSION OF ETERNAL YOUTH - wrinkles with zits! and they stay for like 17 days, they never fade, they never pop, i expect them to like sprout two eyes and a mouth and talk to me, like chris's zit from family guy

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Erin - I have pie and blondies to go with those Potato Chips. Sounds like a balanced diet to me!

Cribette - And they call him "all knowing"?. You'd think he'd know that it harshes our gig as women to get breakouts.

And you are SO right about the zits, they set up camp and they don't leave. If you want a CRAZY movie about a talking zit, try "How to Get Ahead in Advertising". It's a little old, but brilliantly twisted.

Belle said...

All good decisions such as these MUST involve three cups of coffee! Well played Madame!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Belle - True dat. And besides, my shakes don't subside until the three cup mark!

linlah said...

I'm frightened by the idea that Mother Nature has a crew.

The Blonde Duck said...

Popped in from SITS to say hi!

Amy said...

"can't stay in and hide my new found puberty"

LOVE IT!!!

Crazy how those little suckers can surface after only being asleep for a few hours, huh?

Rebecca said...

Speaking of zit's when I was 25ish?? I ended up getting a big old mountain on the side of my nose. It was HUGE. I did the only thing a girl like me would do. I applied a very hot washcloth to Frank (yes, it was big enough to be named) and then after it felt like it had doubled its size, I started squeezing. Much to my delight (followed by being grossed out) the thing shot out across from the side of my nose to the bathroom mirror. After squeezing the rest of the ooze out, I cleaned the mirror and noticed the second most horrific thing ever. Frank had left an ass print. Where Frank had once lived, there was a HUGE hole in the side of my nose. It looked like a piercing gone wrong.

The hole sort of filled up a few minutes later, but it was so gross.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Linlah - Girl, you know she has little forrest, wind and air minions that do her bidding. Like a team of flying monkies, but much more comprehensive.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Blonde Duck - Thanks for popping in. I've seen you somewhere before, maybe the Steenky Bee?


Amy - They come out of nowhere and like Speaking From the Crib said, they never seem to go away. You have a few years before your body turns against you. Enjoy the age you are now.

Rebecca - After that story you are the perfect candidate to see "How to Get Ahead in Advertising. It is all about a big zit that tries to take over the world (it's actually much more clever than that, but the zit is the villain).

That One Mom said...

You make me laugh super hard! Thank you! There is an award fo you on my blog!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

That One Mom - Well thank ya kindly m'am. I am running out to get the boy from band practice and upon my return I'll mosey over to yer place. And in case I didn't mention it, THANK YOU!!!!!!!

Stereos and Souffles said...

Great blog! Love the cat story.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Stereos and Souffles - Thanks and thank you for the follow. I will pop over your place later tonight and see what's doin on your end of town!

Jessica said...

Happy Sits Saturday Sharefest!

LOVE the post. I love your sense of humor!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Hi Jessica - Thanks for stopping by. SITS Saturday Sharefest rules!

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