Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Raindrops Keep Fallin on my Halloween

Like most of you out there, I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of Halloween. As such, I have started my week long vigil of obsessively monitoring the weather on the Internet (Noaa.gov) and Television - CBS, NBC, ABC News and if I get desperate, FOX 5 News. Remember the station where the news anchor accused his fellow newsman of effing chickens? Yeah, that FOX 5 News. So far the news is all bad. The forecast calls for rain.

For a month now, my husband and I have been building a trap door to hell for our front lawn. We stretched black fabric over a wood frame and faux finished it to look like rusted out metal. Our plan is to prop it open with a severed arm (a rubber one because the local med school can't be bribed to supply a cadaver arm. Kill joys.) and put a strobe light, fog machine and a CD player playing spooky sounds underneath it so that the eeriness just spills out on to the lawn. This is all just fine and dandy if there's no rain. Once it rains, the fog, the electronics, the flashing lights are all kaput!

And what about our rolling caravan of fun? We had planned to fill coolers with ice, beer, soft drinks and some pre-mixed martinis and drag the coolers in wagons as we took the kids trick or treating at night. Rain will ruin those plans as well.


And my costume? It probably shouldn't get rained on. My makeup most definitely won't withstand even a drizzle.

What am I going to do?


The only thing that I can think of is to harness the power of the Internet. So, if you are in reading distance of my words, let's all collectively wish for a gorgeous Halloween across the entire US. This is a non-denominational effort, so go ahead and pray, chant, light a candle, perform a sunshine ceremony, whatever you like. Me, I am crossing fingers, toes, legs, arms, eyes (even if my mother says they'll stay that way) and squeezing like mad in an attempt to cross my butt cheeks. I am so desperate for good weather, I'd eff a chicken if I thought it would help. Lord knows Ernie Anastos likes the idea. . . .

36 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

La Mere Joie said...

Wasn't that hysterical???!!! I couldn't believe my ears! Almost as funny as Sue Simmons!

blueviolet said...

Did you see her eyes pop open? What the heck was he thinking?

Chief said...

thanks for the LMOA moment for the day

sarah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sarah said...

hi from SITS!

i hope halloween stays dry for you!! after all that body-part-crossing (and whatever barrage of hopeful rituals this post incites), SOMETHING'S bound to pan out!

smiles4u said...

Too flippin funny! Yes, I am praying for nice weather too...we are forcasted to get snow so at this point I'd probally be okay with rain.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

La Mere Joie - Sue Simmons? You must be a local gal.

Blue Violet- I know. The co-anchor's reaction was priceless.

Chief - Glad you enjoyed it!

Sarah - Thank you for stopping by. Isn't SITS great? And thanks for the good wishes. If we all pull together, we can raise the sun.

Smiles4U - Snow? Wow! Now I am crossing my butt cheeks for you!

hokgardner said...

I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you, even if I'm a Halloween grinch. I can't stand the day. My kids, of course, LOVE it and have been planning costumes for weeks. I still have to figure out how to make a Pippi Longstocking wig. Sigh.

And I saw that clip on the Daily Show and nearly fell off my chair in shock. I couldn't believe it was real.

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

Perfect morning laugh! I wish I had SOME kind of plan for halloween. We are so behind in this household.

That One Mom said...

I wanna trick or treat at YOUR house! How sweet is a trap door to Hell!!! I'm praying for a rain (and snow) free day as well. Mother Nature will have Hell to pay if she wrecks my favorite day!

Erin M. said...

This year I want to hand beers out to the parents while the kids get candy.

And I'm dreading the forecast, too. I'm praying hard. REAL hard.

I love Halloween & so do my kidlets. It can't rain. It just can't!

funny one!

Stereos and Souffles said...

Rain or no rain, your Halloween plans sound awesome!

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

Soul Sister! I have been assembling a trap door to hell in my wallet for years!
Pathetic Credit Rating: 666.
(I wish I was kidding.)

angryredhead said...

Holy crap, i thought I loved Halloween...you got me beat. I think we should celebrate together, I'm PUMPED

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Holy Shit!! Did he even realize he said that??

linlah said...

If you really figure out how to cross your butt cheeks will you let me know sounds like a great exercise. I'm burning candles now for nice Halloween weather.

Belle said...

I've scheduled my sunshine ceremony and have invited everyone I know to attend. Don't worry... there's no way this won't be a success.

kys said...

LMAO!!! I'm going to sacrifice a chicken in the name of good weather.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

the look on that chick's face is pricelss

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

HOKgardener - Orange yarn and wire hangers all the way!

Nancy - The planning is half the fun. Hope it all leads to something other than puddles and mud.

Thatonemom - Good vibes coming back your way for a precipitation-free halloween!

Erin - Your adddress? I'll pull my caravan by you since you're handing out cold ones!

Stereos and Souffles- Thanks. If it rains, I guess I can drown my sorrows in cosmos and poker. Those plans will take place rain or shine.

LPR - I know that trap door very well, along with its little sister the spiral staircase of shame that leads to the cellar of byer's remorse.

Angry Redhead - If you trick or treat our joint, I'll keep your glass full of liquid treats.

Lee - I don't know. There was never a response to it or an appology. Which I thought was odd.

Linlah- Thanks for your support. I am taking my butt crossing act on Stupid Human Tricks.

Belle - Thanks Belle. I feel the warm rays of sun coming from your direction!

SFTC - I know, like she got goosed with an airhose.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Kys - You have a heart of gold initiating a voo doo ritual on my behalf! Thank you!

peewee said...

wow. You even beat ME for favorite holiday. I feel like a halloween hack now. I haven't even figured OUT a costume yet! HELP! SOS!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Pee Wee - You seem to have a classroom full of characters. I am sure that one of them could be inspiration for a great costume.

Lin said...

I love the babe's face! So, it wasn't our imagination--he just said what we thought he did. Can I pray for rain after 7:00?? Please? We have no limit on trick-or-treating and the endless hours of being on call drives me nuts. I think that would give you enough time for your Cocktails-on-wheels thingy.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Lin - Give me until 8:30 and we're golden.

Aunt Becky said...

There is a house in my neighborhood that passes out beer and hot dogs to the parents, which is freaking AWESOME. I am never, ever moving.

Eva Gallant said...

the lawn thing sounds awesome! hope it doesn't rain!

just dropped by from SITS to say hi; hope you'll do the same.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Aunt Becky - Can I have the address? I'd hike 800 miles for a beer and a dog any day.

Eva - Thanks for stopping by. As soon as I get through Halloween, I will catch up on all my drop ins and commenting.

Amy said...

DG! If one of our moronic local news anchors, had a moment, which could only be described as sheer brilliance, where he accused his coworkers of effing chickens...I would ONLY watch that station!!! Patiently waiting for the next slip of the tongue!! God, that was such a great news clip!!!!

I must bow down to you, queen of all things Halloween! Your plans sound amazing!! Hope the weather cooperated!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Amy - It was a great Halloween. We did not get rained out. I am still tired and my legs ache. Sadly, that's more due to hours of cooking and cleaning, as opposed to hair curling partying. I did get to play poker unitl 2 am, so that is a marker of success for me!

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