Saturday, October 10, 2009

Why Are You Wearing an Advertisement for Your Small Weiner?

Because I'm Classy Like That






WARNING: This post discusses an ugly man in a vulgar tee shirt.

Stop here if easily offended. Bad words. Adult content. Get the picture?







Over the summer, my husband and I spent a couple of days in Atlantic City NJ. And as you might expect, summer in AC is a hotbed of activity thanks to beach-goers and gamblers alike. When you are exposed to masses of humanity like that, it's inevitable that you are going to see things that disturb you. I have learned over the years to expect classless behavior, dress and conversation (and that's just from the grandma's they bus in). It is clearly not the epicenter of good taste. However, I did see one particularly bad tee shirt on my way home that stayed with me and I feel the need to share.







As we were driving home, we made the obligatory stop at the Cheesequake rest-stop on the Garden State Parkway. Cheesequake is one of the the busiest stops on the parkway as it is the first/last stop after/before the Outerbridge Crossing into Staten Island. The place was a madhouse on this particular sunny Saturday afternoon, teeming with all sorts of traveling humanity. As we came up the stairs there were two men with buzzed hair, in their mid to late twenties standing in the sun eating hot dogs. They were both wearing black tee shirts, but the tee shirt on the smaller of the two men caught my eye immediately. I did a double take, trying not to stare too hard as I verified what I was reading. By the time I reached the top of the stairs where he was standing, I was looking straight at it and there was no mistaking what it said. His shirt had a cartoon on the front of two stick figures - Stick figure A was bent over a toilet as stick figure B (ummm, how to say this?), "took" stick figure A from behind under a banner that read "HITTER IN THE SHITTER". How classy is that, ladies? Is this the sexiest thing EVER?







The sad part is, he probably thinks that a statement tee such as that is telling the world that he's (sarcastic air quotes) a funny guy or that he's (more sarcastic air quotes) sexually adventurous or that he's a(the MOST sarcastic of air quotes) hardcore rebel who doesn't care what people think. But the message that gives to people, women in particular is "RUN! This is a drooling moron whose stupidity has rendered him dangerous to the female population." Even Forrest Gump could have figured out that you save that shirt for poker night with the boys, not sunny airings at family enclaves.







A word to Mr. small penis (an assumption, but probably a spot-on assumption) - A shirt like that has almost zero percent of being a hit with the ladies. I mean, some women may like it. For example, you could surely snag a girl with a tooth count somewhere south of one. The way I figure it, you are dressed for success as long as your measure of success equals picking up a bowling alley hooker.







Look, tee shirt guy, don't get bitter, please take this criticism in the spirit in which it is intended. We here at Diaryofamadbathroom want you to live a happy and fulfilled life. But if you don't make a few radical wardrobe changes you should think about adopting cats. This way you won't die alone in a tacky tee shirt.

30 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Aria said...

Ok, now that I'm breathing again, I have to say that it's not nice to post something so funny that I have to keep repeating the la line of every paragraph when reading your post to my sister, who is in NJ as we are both Jersey natives. Gotta love the Garden State!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Aria - The Garden State is LOVELY. But, every one in the tri-state area knows that you don't go Atlantic City to have tea with the queen. That kind of stuff is reserved for hoity toity Cape May.

hokgardner said...

I am always stunned at what people will wear in public. They seem to especially flock to rest stops and convenience stores. We always see a fun variety on our trips down to the coast.

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

That is rough. Rough.

Totally outdoes the tool I saw getting out of a convertible Corvette near Venice Beach - buzzcut, weightlifter pants, sleeveless-t emblazoned with, "My Other Ride Is Your Mother." Get in line girls!

Chief said...

Awesome! Hey, why is it that when i see a disclaimer like yours at the beginning of a post, I get a little excited?

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

HOKGardener - I know. I'm embarrased if I go out in sweats. I just saw a sixty-something dude at the diner this morning in Spongebob pajamas. That look is cute if your a 16 year old girl.
Maybe.


LPR - Sounds like my dude's West Coast brother from another mother.

Chief - Because you know that's the key to the goodness.

kyslp said...

I'm with The Chief - I'm not supposed to be reading/commenting/blogging. I was just scanning my reader and saw your disclaimer. I knew that I had to read. I'm glad that I did! Bwahahaha!!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Kyslp - Nothing like a tee shirt wearing douchebag to make you wanna break the rules. Do you think that's why Kate married Jon?

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Things that make you go hmmmmm and WTF!!! LOL

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Lee - Yeah, that qualifies.

Aunt Becky said...

So, you met my dad? HOT, right? Please tell me that you immediately did him, right?

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

My theory is, everytime you think you've seen it all, you see one more thing. Awesome shirt, I bet his parents are proud!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Aunt Becky - Your dad is HAWT. Totally did him.

Nancy - Yeah, I'm sure Christmas at his house is a scene out of Jerry Springer.

Lin said...

Gees, and I thought Crocs were bad in public. Ugh.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Lin - If only. Can you believe that? And you know what? I actually saw a worse one a different time (same place), and it was on a BABY. It's so vulgar that I wont recount it, even with a disclaimer.

peewee said...

WOW! I am SO jealous that I wasn't the one to spot that. I hope he comes to my yoga class.

I went ahead and googled "hitter in the shitter" to see if the tee would come up...and I learned that there's also "slapper in the crapper".....So, I'm thinking WE could do THAT slogan and make some dough. CLEARLY there's an untapped market. I'm thinking Anthropologie would TOTALLY carry it.

Amy said...

That is UN-believable!!

Before I setteled into my cush digs as "office bitch," I used to travel with my husband and help with the sales aspect of our company.

We stopped at many a gas station, rest stop, and truck stop in which I had the pleasure of running in to "those" types.

Had I thought of it at the time, I could have dedicated an entire blog just to the crazy escapades we encountered!

Mom of Three said...

"For example, you could surely snag a girl with a tooth count somewhere south of one."

I was already laughing before I got to that one. Lol.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

and then when he dies, his cats will eat his rotting corpse

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Pee Wee - I didn't have PMS at the time or me and him mighta scrapped. I am totally on board for the Slapper in the Crapper revolution. Might as well make some duckets while we're enduring these types.


Amy - Do tell. Do tell. Maybe just highlight the best bits into an upcoming post? For me? I hate to feel that I am alone in tackyland.

Mom of Three - What could a dude be expecting the outcome of a teeshirt like that to be? It's like kryptonite to women.

Speaking From the Crib - Yeah, if Karma works.

Harlem's A Hatin said...

You are hilarious! I love that picture for this post!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Harlem - Thanks. I'll never pass up an opportunity to throw a tacky Bai Ling picture. She looks like she goes clothes shopping with the Hunts Point hookers.

linlah said...

Ugh. Shirts with words. I don't need advice like this from a t-shirt - "if I'm a pain in the ass use more lubricant"

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Linlah - You caught me off guard with that one. I laughed out loud.

Jen Chandler said...

Good LORD I'm glad no one's in the front office with me today! I'm laughing all over the place. I'm disgusted by what some men think is funny, but I'd have to do a double take with that one too. Yikes! Run away! Run away!

Jen

Jen Chandler said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Jen - you are such a classy lady, I feel relieved that you found that funny. It was pretty coarse. I would love to fast forward that guy's life by 20 years and see where he ends up.

Sherri @ Luv a Bargain said...

Hysterical! What in the world are people thinking? I mean...did he really think that would be sooo cool?

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Sherri - Beats the tar out of me. I can't imagine that he was expecting to get lucky wearing it.

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