Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I Have the Same One Only Bigger, Better, Newer, Faster and Smarter




I'm a pretty patient person. Really I am. Not prone to princess and the pea fuss-pot behavior or petty grievances, I let a whole lot of things go. But there is a woman who is working my last nerve so hard, that I might blow my kind (bats lashes innocently) facade and give her a piece of the imbroglio of bile that she creates in my stomach.






Here's how the story goes -




I work with a lovely man that I'll call Jake Ryan. That's not his real name, but since Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles was such a hotness monster, we'll use that name. Jake is a very smart and competent man at his job. He is a model employee, constantly furthering his education and making better every project that he lends his technical abilities to. To top it all off, he's a lovely, humble person, who is a true pleasure to work with. Sounds like a dream, right? So what could the problem be? His wife.




His wife and I are vague acquaintances. We know a couple of the same people and have been thrown together at events and such. When I first met her, I went out of my way to tell her what a lovely and talented person her husband was and to complement his accomplishments and the value he adds on the job. You would think that would suffice on the topic, right? In my opinion, all that was necessary in that scenario was to be gracious, say thank you and move on. Not this one. From that moment and every moment since that she has been thrust upon me (totally unwillingly, mind you), she has monopolized the conversation, basically reciting his resume in a unbearable brag fest. I don't know what she is trying to prove, but I am clearly well aware of his abilities, I have stated as much. This bitch is selling hard, way past the close.






I have tried very hard to understand what she is about. From what I can tell, she does not work, volunteer or have any kind of life outside of this man, so I suppose she is living vicariously through his achievements. I of course feel terribly sorry for what I perceive to be her own personal emptiness. However, I have heard enough. My patience is all but gone and my veneer of politeness is worn to a see-through state. It is all I can do to keep from stopping her mid-sentence and reciting his accomplishments to her. I've heard them umpteen times, I can quote them chapter and verse.






I guess what I am really wrestling with here is the bragging aspect of it. It makes me so uncomfortable, I just want to crawl out of my skin. It has never been something that I have been able to tolerate. Maybe I need take a good long look at what it is in my history that makes me so uncomfortable with people who engage in this behavior. Or maybe I need to gag her with a dirty sweat sock and some duct tape. Not really sure on this one.


24 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

singedwingangel said...

Ohh see I would so tell her off in a heartbeat. sounds as if she has serious self esteem issues and feels unworthy of respect in her own right. If you think you have it bad imagine being her hubby who has to listen to it as well cause I feel like her bragging to you may benagging to him, especiaoly if she feels he is working below his capacity.

That One Mom said...

You hold your tongue, why? You don't have to totally call her out. That would be too obvious and therefore less fun. BUT you could be a total sarcastic ass about it and be like, "Really?!?! That's amazing! I had no idea! Wow! You must be so proud!" And then as a really clincher, throw in a "You know, Jake IS really AMAZING! What is it that you do to keep up with his fantastic acheivements?"

Bwah hahaha! (Diabolical laughter is totally optional!)

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Next time, tell her he already has the job and to give it a rest.

Noelle said...

i'm with the queen on this one...

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Singed Winged Angel, Lee and Noelle - You ladies clearly have what I am lacking . . . balls. I am non-confrontational and overly concerned with politeness (to a horrible fault) and can't bring myself to shut her the 'F' up. I am pretty sure my disgust is starting to show on my face, but making the poo face is probably not the best way to deal, I am sure.

That One Mom - I am working on my diabolical laugh right now.

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

I think Mrs. Crazy might see this as the one thing you two have in common to talk about. If you really want to lose your mind, you can start asking her questions about herself.

I enjoy this one, "I'm sorry to interrupt you but I need to excuse myself to the ladies room quickly." Then employ the well honed "poo face" and run for the border. Do not return.

kys said...

I'm non-confrontational, too. I'm afraid I might hold back too long and just go off on her someday.

PS Does this mean that I have to stop worshiping my husband and singing his praises to the Blogosphere?? He is my whole life!

angryredhead said...

I wouldn't hold my tongue, although if you don't confront her properly it'd come off as sounding jealous. Not sure how confront her exactly, though. Maybe tell her you've been sleeping with her husband ever since you realized how awesome he is, thanks to her? It'd make her shut up for a bit at least.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

LPR - She blathers so much that I am going to get a reputation for being incontinent.

KYS - Keep singing his praises exactly the way you do. I think we married the same guy.

Angry Redhead - I think that would put a cork in her constantly running mouth pretty quick.

linlah said...

I say dirty socks and duct tape because that's the easy way out.

Susan Fobes said...

Ok, I am going to brave it and go against the opinions of your other commenters. (I am new so I can do this...) Lashing out at this woman is not the answer. (She may be just nervous and talks about her husband because you have him in common.)

Remember, she is the spouse of a valued co-worker, and she would certainly report what you said to him. And, like a set of dominoes, there would be a ricochet affect-she's mad at you, he's mad at you, he tells someone else, and so on... Even though she may (and does) have it coming, you might be looked at as the bad guy here.

So, how do you stop her? Very tactfully. I would stop her midsentence during one of her speeches by putting a hand on her shoulder and saying something like the following,

"Mrs. Ryan (or her first name), I think you may have gotten some wrong impression of how well your husband is doing with our company. We already know what kind of work he is doing, so rest assured that you don't need to sell me anymore on his achievements." Then smile ever so sweetly and walk away.

Amy said...

I have to say that the sweat sock seems like the route to take here. There is no need for you to take stock in yourself. It really is rude to keep pestering you, and furthermore, it is an embarrassment to her own husband.

It's hard to do, but if it happens again, be firm enough with her so it will be her last plea. Or, you could suggest she start blogging. That might fill her extra time;)

blueviolet said...

I would probably be trying to either change the subject or get the heck out of there.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Linlah- Girl, I do love the easy way.

Susan -Oh, for sure. I definitely don't want to rock the boat at work and I genuinely like and respect her husband.

Amy - She definitely needs a hobby!

BlueViolet - Yeah, bailing might be the answer. I just have to do it in the least rude and offensive way possible.

semihippysinglemum said...

I gave you a little award. Come over and check it out when you get a minute.

Conquer The Monkey said...

dirty sweat sock, not a bad idea. I'm thinking if you can ease away from her, do that, if not possible, maybe change the topic, ask her what "she's interested in" or even start "bragging" about yourself, your kid, your dog, whatever, and give her a little taste? I know me, I'd probably just avoid her if I could!!! Please do keep us posted!!!
Cameron
www.conquerthemonkey.com

Lin said...

No, no, no. What you gotta do is stop her mid-sentence, in front of a group of folks, and say "Oh, Mary, we've heard so much about your husband for so long--please tell us about YOU! You never talk about yourself and what you do. I'd LOVE to hear about you for a change!". You gotta grab the wheel and steer that boring bus in another direction, DG!

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

I'd have to nip that one ASAP. I'd interrupt her and excuse myself each and every time. Let he go "sell" him somewhere else.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Smihippysinglemum - Ooooh, award . . .shiny, Must go see . . .

Conquer the Monkey - Maybe I do have to be forceful, get a wedge and a hammer and force my way into her diatribe to change the conversation. Let's see if I can manage to do that, though avoidance sounds way easier!

Lin - That sounds like a good approach, but what if she goes off on herself in the same manner. I might have now doubled her potential to yammer my ear off about crap I don't care about. I am thinking I should work on my invisibility skills.

Nancy - Excusing myself was a common suggestion. It looks like I'm going to be the girl with an overactive bladder.

Erin M. said...

Um, you just described my MIL. She doesn't work, doesn't volunteer, and loves to brag about my husband (who is a doctor) to anyone who will listen. She also tries to hold his hand in public when they are together. It grosses me out.

I don't know what to do when she gets like this. Mostly I disappear, go pour myself a drink, and try to ignore it. It's up to my husband to put a stop to it, but he lets it go. GRRRR.

Aunt Becky said...

Man, I don't know how I'd handle that. You're amazing, seriously, for not punching her in the throat. I think I'd want to give her a nice mushroom print to the face.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Erin - Wow. You certainly do have your hands full. It's way harder to dodge family.

Aunt Becky - Mushroom print! Way to call back to your big stick post. I loved that by the way, especially the ring toss!

kanishk said...

Next time, tell her he already has the job and to give it a rest. Work from home India

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