Thursday, December 3, 2009

And They Called it Puppy Love

Tonight was my daughter's parent teacher night at her elementary school. I have come to enjoy this opportunity to have a little one on one time with the teacher and to hear their perceptions of my kids. Now that my son is in Junior High School, the whole process has depersonalized and I've all but lost that connection with his teachers.

This evening's meeting was lovely as it always is when meeting with my daughter's teachers. She's doing well and involved in lots of extra projects and blah, blah, blah. The only thing that she mentioned to me that had me a little concerned was that she is already starting to see crushes develop and love notes being passed in the classroom. She clarified that my daughter wasn't part of the love note passing, but aren't 10 and 11 year olds a little too young for this, I wondered? Then I remembered my first crush.

When I was in kindergarten, I had a friend named Bobby Nicholls. One day when he and I were playing house, I kissed him on the mouth and immediately declared to my mother that Bobby and I were going to get married. Later, as we grew a little, we continued to pal around but there was no further discussion of marriage.

One day in the spring of 5th grade, Bobby showed up at my front door and asked me to come out on the porch. He told me that he had some presents for me. He began by pulling a small bottle of liquid out of his pocket. "This is the world's most expensive perfume." he said, handing it to me. I held the bottle up to the light and watched the amber liquid swish between the curved hips of the crown shaped bottle. Then he pulled a big gold brooch out of his pocket. It had ornate, antique looking scrolling circling an oval, quarter sized pearl in the center. This pin, he explained had a core of diamond dust sitting beneath the giant pearl. I gasped as I ran my finger over the pearl, trying to see if I could detect the diamonds within. Then he proclaimed me his girlfriend and he ran off before I could offer my agreement.

I went into the house and took my treasures to my room, not sure what I should do with such valuable goods. The most obvious choice was my jewelery box as it held my other worldly possessions - my gold bangle bracelet, my gold "S" chain necklace, an assortment of Wacky Pack cards, 2 packs of Topps Baseball cards (minus the gum) and a custom printed cocktail napkin from my cousin's wedding. I tucked my gifts into the box, afraid to use the expensive perfume or wear such a valuable piece of jewelery. I would visit them now and again, smelling the unusual floral notes of the perfume, but never daring to wear it.

About two weeks later Bobby's mom showed up at our door. The sound of her somewhat hushed conversation with my mother drew me down the stairs for a little eavesdropping. Turns out that Bobby had stolen her Windsong perfume and his grandmother's costume jewelery brooch and he cracked under a little light interrogation and told her where he fenced the goods. Mrs. Nicholls was very cool about the whole thing and told my mom that I could return her things in my own time. I was crushed, of course, but I returned he things the next day.

This was my first lesson in two important truths in life:
1) Men are liars
2) Windsong smells like shit

And in retrospect, it is a reminder that love can bloom early and sting hard. So I am donning my armor and readying the fort for the first time I find a little football folded love note in my daughter's backpack. And I will try to be sensitive and handle the situation with grace and understanding, like Mrs. Nicholls and my mom did. However, if I should run across any sexting on any one's phone in this house, I am buying a stun gun and I will not think twice about using it.

42 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

O.M.G. Sexting. I suddenly have a migraine. Did you happen to see my post today? Quite similar to yours!! ;)

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Monique - No I haven't seen it yet, I am still WAY behind on my reading. I'll go check it out now.

singedwingangel said...

Sexting yeah today's kids are so much farther thn we ever thought about being... scary in this world..

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

This is why I am not getting my daughter a cell phone! EVAH! Pay phones work great.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

SingedWingedAngel - All I can say is it better never happen or I will be sledgehammering cell phones with light speed.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Lee - If it didn't benefit me as a working parent, my kids wouldn't have them either.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Yeah, your whole open mouthed kiss in Kindergarten is horrifying me!! Yikes!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Monique- I remember the look on my mother's face was pretty much one of disgust.

KK said...

Men do learn to lie early :)

Arizona Mamma said...

Now I have the cheesy song "Her windsong stays on my mind" stuck in my head. Lovely. This story only emboldens my fears about my kids and all the things that are lurking in their futures. I could go quietly mad thinking of it all.

MiMi said...

Oh geez, I just saw Arizona Mamma's comment and now I have that song stuck in my head too!!
So, if you use the stun gun will it be on the sexter or sextee?? That makes NO sense, does it?
Funny thing...in KG I had a crush on a Bobby too! And I kissed him right on the forehead. I was hot. So was he. LOL!

linlah said...

Oh I knew the perfume from the bottle description. Makes my nose hurt thinking about that smell.

Raoulysgirl said...

My 8 yr. old asked for a cell phone for Christmas.

My response?

"When hell freezes over."

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

KK - He lied with the skill and ease of a much older man. Like maybe a 13 year ols.

Arizona Mommy - Yup. That's the one. It's stuck in my head too.

MiMi- All parties will be stunned and punished until they are 40.

Linlah- It was nasty stuff. I don't know why she'd want it back. She could have gone out and got herself some Jean Nate or Enjoli.

Roulysgirl - 8 is kind of young for sure.

Christine said...

You are too funny! I loved it...the build-up to the conclusion that men are liars...LOL, seriously.
Jean Nate Or Enjoli.....LMAO. I had forgotten about those. Thanks for the memories!

blueviolet said...

That cracked me up! However, I swear I wanna try sexting for myself just to see. But, I think sexting with my husband would be boring. lol

Fairy Footprints said...

Oh how funny, yeah you would think that kids these ages are to young for this, my older daughter Destiny is 12 and she partakes in the love note passing, and the talking lol. All around she gets straights A's and is a good kid the teachers don't complain but she is a social butterfly for sure. Next year is Junior High for her, wooh I am nervous.

I agree with you though that when the kids do get out of elementary its funny that the older grades do not partake in enteracting with the parents you would think it would help the students.


Take care have a wonderful weekend


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Noelle said...

my first crush got me a box of queen anne's chocolate covered cherries and a bottle of love's baby soft. that perfume was da bomb back then! we broke up two days later.

Working Mommy said...

How cute...her first crush!! The man has already said the babe is not allowed to do anything with boys until she is 50...LOL! Lots of luck! Our poor daughter!

~WM

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

I will study at your knee, Wise One.

At the tender age of three, Bob has been informed by no less than two young women that he is married to them. Little Big Love.

Annette said...

Love this post! =) My 15yo daughter is in crush right now with a no count 16yo. *heavy sigh* We originally turned off the cell phones 'cause the bill did not fit the budget. After this crush, we will not reinstate the service. They have plenty of friends with phones and then there are collect calls.

Amy said...

I KNEW IT!! The entire time reading I just knew that Bobby had stolen those items from a mom, siter, or other family member!

I had a crush in kindergarten as well. Usually it's just harmless kid fun. But I'm with you on the sexting...Mama don't play around with kiddy phone porn!

Michele said...

Oh wow, what a great post!!!
LMAO...

"Sexting"... oh lord help us. ;)

Freddae' said...

Awesome post!

Organic Meatbag said...

Hehehehe... at least he didn't bring you a bottle of Brut!

Sara said...

He could've just brought you a cookie. I mean, even if he'd stolen it, the evidence would've been gone and he would've received points for bringing food.

I swear, the first man that comes up to me with a plate of chicken wings in one hand and a blueberry pie in the other and says, "Want to watch 30 Rock with me?", I'm marrying.

It's just that simple.

P.S. I'd just keep a pair of pliers handy and flash them to any new boy that walks through your front door, just in case.

kys said...

My boys are pretty clueless right now. But I know the day is coming. And they aren't getting cell phones.

Erin said...

I am cracking up about that Windsong perfume. OMG! This is a perfect post. Love the details and the description!

maya said...

I am praying for my gorgeous little baby to be a social outcast from ages 9 to 19.

Susan Fobes said...

Poor Bobby! Good luck with your daughter...

Aunt Becky said...

Dude. THAT IS FREAKING ADORABLE. Go BOBBY!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Christine - Thanks. There were so many bad perfumes in the 70's. For men too - Brut, Old Spice, Canoe, Hai Karate. . .


BlueViolet - You crack me up! If you try it, please be sure to post about it. Men love that kind of PR.

Heidi - oooh, you are almost the mother of a teen girl. Good luck and keep me updated. I live in fear. . .

Noelle - Love's Baby Soft! I reaked of that and Sweet Honesty all through 7th grade!

Working Mommy - Your husband is a sound policy maker.

LPR - You're MIL to two sister-wives already? You'll have to teach me how to deal. I'm afraid I'll be a hagish MIL. I am so protective of that boy of mine.

Annette - Thanks. I guess you're right, kids are never far from someone with a phone.

Amy - I am a cell phone checker. It's terms of ownership in my house.

Michele - Thanks! Can you beleive we have to worry about sexting? Ay yi Yi.

Freddae - Thank you!

Organic Meatbag - Can I just tell you how much I love your name?

Sara - I like your criteria for a keeper. I have to say it sounds pretty good.

Kys - It can't be too far off. Just be imposing and mean to all their girlfriends. The little floozies won't out last ol mom.

Erin - Thanks! You're up next (times 2 girls!).

Maya - I COMPLETELY understand.

Susan - Poor Bobby? I had to do the walk of shame and return the ill-gotten gains. Luckily I went out with Bobby in the 6th and 7th grade and the makeout sessions made up for the loss of merchandise.

Aunt Becky - Will you still say adorable when Bobby Nicholls is on your front porch wooing your sweet little Mimi with pilfered goods?

Neuffj said...

Man, this is what I have to look forward to as a parent someday? Jeeez
I stopped in cause I saw you commented on Ariona mamma's post and said you need a giveaway! Come enter! You might just win. 14 giveaways total,and 34 winners!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Neuffj - Parenting takes balls of steel. That's why I clank when I walk.

Aunt Juicebox said...

I had a boy once give me a set of earrings and a matching necklace in the shape of sand dollars. His mom used to sell Avon and I think he got them for free, but at least he didn't steal them. Never wore them, because my dad HATED that boy, and I was afraid he'd see them, and ask me where I got them. I kept them hidden and would take them out to look at them sometimes when I was home alone.

As for sexting....well I think I'd be less freaked out about that then finding my daughter and her boyfriend telling each other that they "can't live without" the other one. Gag. I already know teenagers talk pretty dirty to each other just casually. It's the expressions of undying love that scare me.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Aunt Juicebox - Love? Nobody under 21 has earned the right to use that word. However, when I was in love with my boyfriend David when I was 15, you couldn't tell me that.

Jasmine said...

SO FUNNY!
I have a two year old son and a little girl due in March. GOOD LORD, I get BOTH sides of the coin.


damn!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Jasmine - Good luck with your delivery. One of each makes for a very interesting experience.

miss jo said...

A Windsong romance, how sweet. You're right. Best not to freak out regarding matters of the heart.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Miss Jo - Can't you just smell the stench of Windsong in the air?

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