Monday, January 18, 2010

Uncle Ronnie's Dating Profile

All the while that I have been writing posts about Uncle Ronnie (like this, this and this), I realized I hadn't given you a very good description of his appearance or his interests. OK, we covered the Guns and Ammo portion of his interests, but there is so much more to Ronnie than weaponry. As a means of helping you to know more about him, here is his online dating profile:




Name: Uncle Ronnie


Hair: Q-tip white with buzzed back and sides and eight inches of tasti-whip piled up on top, held in place with a generous shot of Brylcream or Vitalis. Sort of like this (see Setzer, right not the age appropriate dude on the left).






Eyes: Brown with large, signature glasses. Like the ones on this young fella below. I'm not sure what he's been smokin, but he definitely has good taste in glasses.



Age: Born in the 20's. That's all I'm sayin. . .


Physique: A bull of a man. 5' 8" of barrel chested Italian.




Interests: Guns, shooting, target practice, skeet shooting, hunting, bullet making, gun shopping and oh, did I mention guns?





Favorite Movie: If it's not on the History Channel, I'm not interested.





Favorite Food: Sfogliatelle. If you have to ask what it is, you can't hang.



Favorite Music: I have an eight track player in my truck. Has been known to blast a little Eddy Arnold. Are you familiar with "If I Had a Nickel"? That's my jam.




Women: I like them half my age and skilled in dentistry. You never know when a bridge might need fixing.




Please forward all inquiries through my niece, DG. I don't have a computer and I'm not really sure what Online Dating even is.





41 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo Uncle ronnie sounds like quite a catch for the right woman.. I know several gun toting, using , deer hunting and fishing women in Ky

blueviolet said...

There's somebody out there for everyone, or so they say! ;)

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

singedwingedangel - Perhaps he should be looking for love in the Bluegrass State.

Blue Violet - Yeah, I know. I am MORE than curious to know who completes him.

hokgardner said...

With a profile like that, he ought to be matched in record time!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Tell him to wait for me...I might need a number 4!!

Noelle said...

i think i love your uncle ronnie. well, except for the 8 track part. he just has to come into the new millenium.

Amy said...

Sfogliatelle??? What is it? And how do you pronounce it???

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Hokgardener - Oh, did I mention his favorite sandwich is a turkey club? It's true.

Lee - If you're a pistol packin momma, then it's kismet.

Noelle - I can't telll you how hard my brother and I would laugh when he popped that Eddy Arnold cartridge in.

Amy - OK, here's how it goes:

a) Put on your best Mike the Situation accent.
b) Say it with me - Sfool-ya-del

My editorial comment on that particular pastry is "ewww". It has pastry cream inside that is studded with citron. It's foul.

MiMi said...

Oh my God. What a catch!! That sfoo-ya-crap looks like an oyster... :)

Joy said...

He sounds like someone I might have met on the set of The Irishman! Loved your description.

Sara said...

Damn, if I were just a few years older...

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

MiMi - It is crap and it is supposed to look like a clam, but I don't remember why. It's traditionally eaten on St Joseph's Day (whatever that is)

Joy - Ronnie gets around. While he's not irish, I can see him accidentally stumbling on to a film set and becoming an international super star.

Sara - He's ok with younger, but he's not crazy about the ones that are his age. Is there any surprise that he's a bachelor?

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

Perfection. While he's at the gun show, I can go to the doll show. I love His n' Hers vacations.

linlah said...

Dang, I'm more of a Roger Miller gal, you know King of the Road.

6p0120a79dd5f8970b said...

One things for sure, Uncle Ronnie knows who he is and he's not afraid to put himself out there. I got a feeling this profile might put the statement "there's someone out there for everyone" really to the test.

Great post. Keep them coming...

Existential Waitress said...

I heart Uncle Ronnie. And what is that funky-ass food that you were referring to? I pride myself on knowing about bizarre foods, so pray tell!

Amy said...

LOL! Foul? That's hilarious!

Sara said...

P.S. If you come by my blog, I'll give you something shiny.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

HIS ONLINE DATING PROFILE?!

Man, I bet he has to beat off the gals with a stick that Uncle Ronnie.

Allyson said...

I love your Uncle Ronnie, but because of the 8 track player, not in spite of. I can't imagine that someone hasn't snagged him by now. Maybe we should bring him with us to the VFW next time we go. There's always a Harley-riding bitch of a bartender that could be just his style.

Lin said...

WHAT?! He's not taken??! Wait, I'll send my mom's phone number! He can be my Daddy Ronnie!

Kiera said...

Nothin says love like clean teeth that'll cost ya a nickle, URon.

Insanitykim said...

5'8"?? He's a freakin' giant!! Man, too bad if U.Ronnie never procreated...

Salt said...

Boooo I can't hang. I have no idea what a "sfogliatelle" is.

Tracie said...

Grandma always said "There's a goose for every gander". Of course she also said (after being widowed and proposed to by a suitor) "Why would I want a man? I didn't want the one I had!".

Arizona Mamma said...

This is funny, is your new calling? Dating service through the blogosphere? You may be on to something.

Maven said...

I am sincerely faling in love with this man.

Marla said...

LOL I'd date him. Wait, maybe I have.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

LPR - There's a Marie Osmond trunk show at the Javits Center the same time as the boat and RV show. Can I pencil you in for a date with him? I am sure that your family will understand. It IS Ronnie after all. Most men would forgive a fling with Clooney, Pitt or Ronnie.

Linlah - Roger Miller? We have a winner. Pretty sure he has that 8 track too. King of the Road? Yup. Can I call you "Auntie"?

6p0120a79dd5f8970b - You have a very unique name. Is it Venusian?

Existential Waitress - OK, so it's weird, like you need to get it at an italian bakery around St Joseph's day, but it's not weird like Andrew Zimmern would eat it. You know, it's not like a durian fruit or some kind of tree grub. It's just an icky tasting pastry that's studded with candied citron peel (shudders).

Amy - Citron? Blech!

Sara - I'm on my way. . .

Monique - If only. Some woman is missing out on a man with three winnebagos. Yup 3. Don't know why. There's only one of him.


Allyson - Oooh! Oooh! Thanks for reminding me. He has a harley trike (I am crapping you negative). You might just be on to something with the biker babe.


Lin - I can't even begin to imagine the hilarity if he were to marry into your family. I'll tell you this much, you would probably never run out of blog material.

Kiera - I do admire his dedication to dental hygiene.

Insanity Kim - The men on my dad's side skew on the shorter side. He might be 5' 9" (I took a guess).

Salt - Just google it. You're young and cute, he might make an exception.

Kys - Your gran was a very smart lady.

AZ Mamma - Nah, I'll leave that to the experts, like patty stanger. Too bad he isn't a millionare.


Maven - What's not to love? Throw in a heaping dose of "the crazy" and you've got yourself a helluva man.

Marla - You'd remember if you had. There would be shotgun shells all over your lawn and bullet holes in your trees.

Debbie said...

What a man! Some people just make you regret being married:)

steenky bee said...

I tried to comment earlier but it was just spit back in my face by blogger. Or your blog. Maybe I've been gone so long that I forgot the proper channels to comment? Who knows. But what I tried to say before and failed was that....."but there is so much more to Ronnie than weaponry."is perhaps one of the greatest lines I heard in such a long time.

wines constantly said...

Somewhere, there is a reality show waiting for this man.

Jen Chandler said...

LOL! That was hilarious. I can totally envision this guy painting outside your house :)

Jen

Erin said...

If I wasn't already married....

Susan Fobes said...

What a catch!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Debbie - He is very special.

Steenky - While you were away, there was a LOT of talk about Ronnie and his arsenal. I think I made him sound a little one dimensional.

Wines - Genius. Somebody, get me a development deal!

Jen - It's not too tough to imagine an 84 year old, barrel chested, italian man with thick glasses and Stray Cats hair painting an oil tank at all.

Erin - He likes them to be at least half his age. You would be a major catch for him.

Susan - I know. Do you know any hot chicks, south of 60?

Michele said...

OMG... what a character!! One of a kind man for sure. I can totally picture this guy slapping paint on everything...

Great posts! My guess he wont be a bachelor for long !! LOL

Eternally Distracted said...

He sounds like a catch! :0)

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Michele - He's been one for 84 years. If this post does the trick, I will consider myself a magician.

Eternally Distracted - He is, for the exactly right woman. Got anyone in mind?

miss jo said...

Thanks for filling in some gaps on the Uncle Ronnie profile ! Wow, and he's on the market.

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