Friday, January 8, 2010

Your Auntie Wants to Know About You


It's interview time with Aunt Becky over at Mommy Wants Vodka. If you haven't already done so, go check her out and you too can answer her 10 interview questions on your blog. It's good clean fun and you could win a $50 Amazon gift card in the process.
My answers to Aunt Becky's questions are in red.


1) Dave and I have a long-standing feud over cheese in a can. He thinks it’s food of The Gods while I think it’s probably Of The Devil. Your take?
I am fairly sure that it is the ass *Carvel of the devil.



* For those of you not from the northeast, Carvel is a famous brand of soft serve ice cream.

2) Is there any way you can think of to make the elder Gosselins go away? I AM ALL EARS.
Tell them there is a photo op down at the Walmart then Napalm the pant loads.

3) Who is your ridiculous “I can’t admit this to anyone in polite company lest I be banned from life” crush?
What is more ridiculous than a the crush itself is that I don't have one. Nobody. Nada. Don't give a rats ass. I might be dead. I dunno.

4) If you could fuck it all and pursue your dream (assuming, of course, you were going to be GOOD at it), what would that dream be?
Trust fund baby with a conscience.

5) They say “living well is the best revenge.” I think they are wrong. Do you?
I am stumped by this question. Forrest Gump? Party of one. Forrest Gump?

6) What is the most humiliation you’ve experienced in public that you’d be willing to admit to The Internet?
Falling down in the middle of Times Square and having the contents of my purse and my cell phone fly in opposite directions. People walked over me like road kill. It was heinous.

7) Are you honest with The Internet? Like, if I came over to your house tonight (heh)(I’m coming over, yo)(heh) would I be surprised at who I found?

You might be surprised by how much mess two seemingly mature looking children can make. You'd think I lived with a marauding band of four year olds the way my house looks right now.

8 ) If you could have one talent that you don’t currently possess, what would it be?
Mathematical aptitude or ability to play the pan flute. Tough call.


9) There’s not always room for Jello. Is there?
Hell to the mother effin no! Especially if it is green. That is just nasty and unnecessary.
10) What’s your guiltiest of the guilty pleasures?
Crap TV. It's like mother's milk to me. The trashier the better. It's like junk food for the brain.
Well, thanks Aunt Becky. That was fun. Now it's your turn peoples. Give it a whirl. Overall, it was easier than answering question 5.

35 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Arizona Mamma said...

To #7- Fairly certain I lay it all out there ;)
Your answers, not that I expected less, are a riot.

singedwingangel said...

lmbo love your answers that is too funny.. #7 do your kids know my kids??

Masala Chica said...

That line about no crushes, so maybe I'm dead? Yeah. I like her. And also still want to apologize for the Time Square incident because it sounds just really brutal.
Kiran

Existential Waitress said...

I'm right there with you on the crushes - I really don't get crushes anymore. Maybe I AM dead. I'm going to have to think about this some more...

KK said...

That was fun! Green jello is nasty, you'd be surprised at nothing here, I'm pretty honest, no crushes, cheese in a can is nasty and today I fell in the parking lot!

linlah said...

I like your thinking on #4 and thanks for clarifying on #1. For a moment there I thought you had taken up my spelling habits.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Whaaaa? No canned cheese? Maybe we can't be friends after all.

wheelyboy said...

embarrassment? Try knocking down a giant sized woman with huge boobs in the middle of a very busy shopping centre, with your wheelchair! I kid you not. She landed in my lap and tried to suffocate me between her boobs.

Michele said...

You're hysterical!!!
Thanks for the great post, and the late night chuckle. I may just have to give that a whirl in the morning ;)

#7, I only have one 5 yr old, but by the looks of my house you would think I have 10 of them. LOL

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Arizona Mama - You are definitely honest! I am not honest enough to post pictures of the waste that my children lay to my house as they are too grown for this crap. At almost 11 and almost 14, I shouldn't find a pile of food on the floor under their chairs when they finish eating, but I still do. I am going to punish them by making them wear diapers on the outside of their pants,if they don's shape up!

Singed Winged Angel - You have older kids too, right? We both know they weren't raised by wolves. What gives?

Masala Chica - Apologize for time sq? Did you trip me? Dang! You seemed so nice.

Existential Waitress - It's weird. I feel awkward and uncool whenever the other kids (oh you joker diary, you're no kid) talk about their celebrity crushes and I got nothin'.

KK - I am a faller. Weak ankles. I don't even bother getting embarrased about it anymore.

Linlah - IS that not the perfect world?

Monique - I dislike very few junk foods. I'm all about some corn nuts. But cheese in a can is something that I make my friends eat for my entertainment. It is too fake tasting and orange poo looking for me. Can't we bond over another food? C'mon throw one out there. Fritos? Check! Oreos? On board! Honey roasted cashews? I'd stab someone with a fork over the last one. Just. No. Squeeze cheese.


Wheelboy - If you have stories like that, you should be answering aunt becky's interview. She would be all about the boob smothering (she's a little freaky)!

Michele - Oooh good. I hope you do. It was just about the easiest post I have ever done and it was fun.

Ma What's 4 dinner said...

Great post. We have carvel out west too, my a$$ sort of wishes we didn't though.

Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner
www.mawhats4dinner.com

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Ma - Oooh did you have the terrible commercials too where gravel voiced Tom Carvel would say "Wednesday is Sundae at Carvel. Buy one get one free."?

bellanottebelle said...

Have you ever heard Patton Oswalt's stand up bit about Carvel? If not... you should.

Naomi de la Torre said...

What? You don't love green jello and canned cheese????? What planet are you from. I'm going to de-friend you immediately. (Just kidding. You are too hilarious and entertaining for all that.)

http://organicmotherhoodwithcoolwhip.com/

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Bellanottebell - I will look for it on YouTube on your recommend.

Naomi del la Torre - Thank god. I would hate to lose a follower over jello. I'm totally down with Cherry jello as long as it comes in a tiny dixie cup with LOTS of vodka.

Maven said...

I loved reading this and am going to play!!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Maven - Have fun. I'm interested to know your position on jello. . .

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

I fully treat the internet like my secret real life god. Like if I'm not honest it will KNOW

Allyson said...

My personal favorite?? Trust fund baby with a conscience. I had never really thought about it in those terms but that would be the PERFECT "career." And if it makes you feel any better, when you fall face-first over a drain cover on the sidewalk in Chicago, people do EXACTLY THE SAME THING. I mean, not that that's ever happened to me...it was...a friend...ahem...

MiMi said...

Run Forrest, Run!!! Teehee. That's all I got.
Great answers!

Eternally Distracted said...

very, very funny. Great answers. Glad I stopped by today.

AnnettSSours said...

wonderful ..................................................

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

MODG - It will know. And, it reads your thoughts, so keep it clean.

Allyson - Is that not the ideal situation?

MiMi - Girl, I'm running, but I'm not getting anywhere on that question.

Eternally Distracted - Glad you stopped by too.

AnnettSSours - Thanks!

Joy said...

Fun stuff, except there's no way I can chuckle over the falling down in Times Square. It's a wonder you lived to tell about it.

blueviolet said...

I can't believe people just stepped over you like yesterday's garbage. That was heinous!

I like green jello though.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Joy - If you've ever been to Times Square in the heart of Manhattan, you really can't expect anything but to be road pizza in that situation.


Blue Violet - That's NYC for ya. If you can make it there you'll make it anywhere! I'll forgive you the green jello. I can't say I get it, but I can certainly forgive it.

MoonNStarMommy said...

I'll be posting pictures of the waste my 2 yr old created last night ..... not now, but later tonight. It's a amazing the destruction of one 2 year old, then add in the fact that there are 3 more boys ... oye!

I was LOL'ing at your answers - some of them, and I scrolled down a bit, love the post it to the dog. You don't want cross-breeding??

I'm visiting from SITS - have a fantastic SITStah Sunday!!

3LittleMonkeys said...

Very funny post! Yes, what is it with those trashy shows that are so intriguing???

Kate@And Then I Was a Mom said...

But: Wouldn't being a trust-fund baby WITHOUT a conscience be better? You could stomp all over everyone with your Jimmy Choos.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

MoomNStarsMommy - I have no issues with cross breeding per se, however, a fixed male cat and a fixed female dog just aren't positioned to get the job done.

3LittleMonkeys - Shadenfreude.

Kate - I just couldn't see myself as Paris Hilton. I needed to know that if I pooed money, I would be kind and philanthropic.

Sara said...

No embarrassing crush?

Well, I don't know if mine are embarrassing but they're definitely too old for me (Jon Stewart and Matt Lauer).

Maybe it's the power of the news?

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Sara - I get the John Stewart thing. Funny and smart are a heady mix. Lauer. Not as much.

Amy said...

Noooo crushes DG? I am shocked by this response! There must be some lucky celeb who makes your heart all afludder....

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Amy - Nah. One man is way more than I have time for. Check me for a pulse . . .

You should do this interview (if you haven't already). I'd love to see your answers.

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