Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Cure for Olympic Fever is Joey Ramone

I know that there will be a mad rush to my house to take my temperature and make sure that I haven't simultaneously emptied the contents of my liquor and medicine cabinets, but I don't care about the Olympics. There. I said it. "BLASPHEMOUS" you cry. But, there is nothing in it for me.

So far, I have not seen any tap dancing fiddlers, shussing skiers or tights wearing male skaters (though I see the hilarity in that, straight away).

It seems like for those that are Olympics stalkers, they break into two camps -
1) Those that are sportos and just love the thrill of competitive sports, of any kind.
2) Those that are cynics and just love to spot the dance belt on the foppish skaters.

And as compelling as it is to figure out who hides their candy, the bottom line is that I just can't be bothered.

To me, the Olympics is a gigantic commitment. It runs for a looooooong time and is a massive time suck. I have too many other things competing to waste my time (lookie what I'm doing right now). And until they make cookie baking or coffee drinking an Olympic sport, I just can't relate.

So bloggy buds, please forgive me if I visit your blog and don't catch that gnarly wave of Olympic enthusiasm. I am simply ill-equipped. Me watching the Olympics is about as useful as Richard Simmons in a room full of Playboy bunnies. It would be entertaining for a couple of minutes, but then it would just get weird and someone would end up crying.

It also doesn't help that I can't look away from Mickey Leigh's memoir "I Slept With Joey Ramone". The book is a fascinating and in depth account of Joey Ramone's life and the history of the Ramones. It goes deeper than the documentary "End of the Century" could and it is, at times, amazing, heartbreaking and surprising. How can I possibly think of snowboarders when Joey is about to get sober?

And while my complete lack of interest in athleticism makes me feel like the dorky, uncoordinated kid that wasn't sporty enough to hang with the jocks, neither was Joey Ramone. And I'd gladly hang on the sidelines with him, any day.

41 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Amy said...

Too funny, I love the Richard Simmons analogy :)

Stopping by from SITS.

Alyssa said...

This is fabulous! Too many funny lines to pick a favorite. When you enter that cookie baking competition count on me to root for you.

Anonymous said...

I'm with you, Diary, BUT I would pay cash money to watch Richard Simmons compete against Joey in any of the winter sports except for figure skating. That just wouldnt be a fair fight.

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

I just watch figure skating - it's like Project Runway on Mars.

(I totally wanna read your Joey book now.)

Sara said...

You don't have to love the Olympics, but I think in its place, you could love maple leaves and politeness and it would translate into the same thing.

The Canadians just want you to be happy.

P.S. If you'll allow me, I'll find some photos of the male ice skaters that will make your toes curl. Not in a good way.

Insanitykim said...

I only watch because I can't watch my shows, so when the athletes crash and burn, I pretend they are Michael Scott, Liz Lemon and Abed.

I don't even read. Well, I read this post but, like, books. Reading takes too much energy.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Well, I do love the Olympics and fall into that sporty loves competition thingy. But I still think you and I could be great friends despite our athletic differences.

xoxo forever

Maven said...

"Me watching the Olympics is about as useful as Richard Simmons in a room full of Playboy bunnies. It would be entertaining for a couple of minutes, but then it would just get weird and someone would end up crying."

Line. of. the. year.


Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

MiMi said...

I'm with Maven!!!
I SO can NOT stand the Olympics.


ok i loved when joey ramone called howard stern and left the great whack-a-doo msg and i also loved when he came on howard drunk. sobriety is not quite so entertaining.

i am also not a fan of the olympics for one simple reason: NO OFFICE. the olympics TRUMP my fav show, THE OFFICE? thats NOT what she said.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Amy - Thanks for stopping in.

Alyssa - Thanks! I have my sheet pans all fired up!

Anonymous - Ah yeah, Richard vs. Joey. All skate (just like levittown roller rink).

LPR - I am attracted to the glitter factor of skating. I am just too lazy to find it one the schedule. The Joey book is a giant helping of

Sara - Yes! Yes! Send them!

Kim - Liz Lemon on ice has possibilities.

Monique - I don't hate on Olympics watchers. I am just bewildered by the attraction. We could DEF slam many margeritas together, regardless of our sporting differences.

Maven - I know, I know. The olympics are officially your home town heroes. Sorry for not loving them.

No reflection on your lovely,lovely Vancouver, of course.

MiMi - Thanks. Just can't do it.

SFTC - Yeah. What was up with the whole no SNL last night? Commie bastards!

Marla said...

"as useful as Richard Simmons in a room full of Playboy bunnies?

What?? Is there something I don't know about poor Richard? :-)

Aunt Becky said...

Shit, I'd rather watch Richard Simmons ANYWHERE than watch the Olympics.

linlah said...

If Richard Simmons designed the cotumes for the foppish skaters would you watch?

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Marla - Nope. He is just as you might expect.

Aunt Becky - Sad state of affairs, no?

Linlah - You know my achiles heel.

Lin said...

Oh, I'll join you on the couch of Olympic haters. I hate that crap and the media-induced drama. Crap, they can create drama out of a freakazoid dude in a speedo. Ugh. Although I do enjoy a bit of curling. I love a sport that you could down a beer while playing. And I love to sweep. Nuff said.

singedwingangel said...

I don't watch them either. My mom calls every night going did you see so and so do this or that.. I said ummm no mom cause I don't wtch the Olympics

Masala Chica said...

I don't watch them but i have the utmost respect for all the athletes. however, john just launched himself off the couch cheering for the USA hockey team and scared me so much. So I yelled, "will you cut it out?" and he responded "What is wrong with you? Don't you have any pride?"

And I do. I just also have freaking eardrums. So there.

Wendi said...

I usually hum "I wanna be sedated" during curling. Does that work?

Arizona Mamma said...

Winter Olympics are not for me either. Big fat BORING!! But I do like the Summer Olympics.

Serenityville said...

Coming over from Sarah with an do you feel about being the only blog I've read about the Olympics???? Isn't that weird? Or do you actually LOVE THEM AND ARE AFRAID TO ACCEPT IT?

tattytiara said...

How did I not know there was a memoir of Joey Ramone's life, and how dare my library not have it? I will find it and I will buy it. Thank you for enlightening me!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Lin - I'm not a hater, i just don't get it. I wish I understood why people get so fired up about it and I feel like I could care less. I don't go for sports beyond Yankee games and gembling on the super bowl. I'm just not wired that way.

Angel - Just no interest, right? OK, that makes 2 of us, anyway.

Kiran - I've never been able to care much about organized sports. I find that most men watch it and take the win or loss personally.
"We won." or "We lost"

Wendi - Why double dip? Curling is a sedative.

AZ Mama - I used to like the gymnastics, but after reading about Bela Karloi, I kind of backed off that too.

Serenityville - Interesting point, but I am very certain that there is no love for the olympics at my house.

Tattytiara - I am always happy to be of assistance!

Eternally Distracted said...

I haven't seen one teeny, tiny bit of the Olympics... they don't seem to care that much about it in the desert!! Maybe if they introduce camel racing next time round we might have a chance ;0)

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

ED - Just as well. I don't know how you would explain curling to your neighbors.

Existential Waitress said...

I am so with you on this - can't freakin' STAND the Olympics and wish they would go away. Kinda like Tiger Woods banging anything with a hole. Who the f*** cares?!!!

peewee said...

I am SO WITH YOU on this. After the one or two figure skaters, what's the point? Do you know what's more boring than WATCHING PEOPLE SKI ON TV?!?! NOTHING! (except watching people ski on tv from home depot)

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Existential Waitress - Much like Tiger's wandering weiner, so many people seem to care. Am I missing a gene or something?

Pee Wee - Home Depot rots and you never see sparkly skaters in dance belts there.

Tracie said...

It's been said before but I'll repeat it. The Richard Simmons analogy is the best. ROFLMAO!!!!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Tracie - I guess that's a pretty stark visual. ;)

Aunt Juicebox said...

Oh, I don't really care for sports of any kind, except Sumo wrestling. Now THAT I can watch.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Aunt Juicebox - Any sport that includes a diaper is obviously OK.

Boomer Pie said...

I just happened to curl into your blog and I don't watch the Olympics either. Curling? What is up with that? Give me a broom, a stone jug of hootch and a slippery driveway and I could curl too. Stop by my place and return the favor if you like.

Erin said...

I am not a huge Olympics fan either. Except for Apolo Ohno. He's the new McDreamy.

That One Mom said...

With the exception of a little eye candy here and there, I am sooooo not an Olympics fan. Major time suck. I totally think this Joey Ramone book sounds riveting, though... Imma have to google it and get me one!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Boomer - I'll stop by soon.

Erin - I like his Nyquil commercials.

That One Mom - It's a must-read!

Cranky Mommy said...

That is why I am on the computer and not in the living room! All the Olympics have really done for me is prevent new episodes of my fav shows from coming on!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Cranky Mom - There are a lot of folks updset about the pre-empting of their shows. I just don't like sports.

Allyson said...

Oh don't worry. I totally loved kicking off Champagne Friday with the Olympics, but then they started running until midnight and they chose the single most annoying anchor to host them for NBC and ice skating became less about who could do a perfect routine and more about who fell less. I'm over it. I think that takes nothing away from the athletes, they are extremely talented and often work full-times jobs AND train for the Olympics, as is the case for female curling. But it IS a huge time suck and I have fallen so far behind on my blog reading that I have no one to blame but the Olympics. So, you get the gold medal for introducing me a very interesting-sounding new book. And I get the silver for getting caught up on blogs. I would now like to return to my regularly scheduled full DVR...which won't happen until AFTER the Olympics. Grrr..

miss jo said...

Whatya mean, Richard's "Sweating to the Oldies" isn't an Olympic event ?....Not a huge winter O. fan either. Watched a couple downhill events and became overly nostalgic for my three times on the bunny slopes.

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