Friday, February 26, 2010

It's Spamalot Thursday Over Here

Yesterday was a very special day for your old pal Diary. It seems that I got spammed/hacked twice in one day! Yes, the specialness and cuddly good feelings of this are not lost on me. Nope, not one bit.

First, I got a very special comment from Mr. Unpronounceable. I call him that because his entire comment was written in Kanji. And while your girl is a wiz with languages - it's not bragging when I say that I have MASTERED (yes, be jealous) both English and Pig Latin. OU-YAY OU-SAY I AM YING-LAY? EN-THAY UCK-FAY OU-YAY! Skillz! Haters be damned, in any language.

Anyway, Mr. Unpronounceable might have been offering me candy or a spa treatment or his wang for all I know, as I am unable to read his message. Anyone who reads Japanese characters is welcome to translate our exchange, which went something like this:


甜點的一天 said...
永遠不要躊躇伸出你的手。也永遠不要躊躇接受別人伸出的手。..................................................

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said . . .
Dear Mr. Unpronounceable,

Kanji spam is my favorite kind of spam. Redolent with succulent umami flavors and a spicy wasabi kick. Or as you would say - 永遠不要躊躇伸出你的手

Then, almost immediately after this exchange, I started getting Twitter messages from my Tweeps saying that while they were flattered by my offer, they just couldn't find the time to take me up on it. My "offer" was this:

diaryofamadbath: hi, i'm 24/female/h0rny... i have to get off here but message me on my windows live messenger name Paris928l0ve@hotmail.c0m

And while it was clear to my husband that I did not send that message, all of you need to know that none of that is true. You can't have the volume of laundry that I have and be 24 and h0rny. It just doesn't happen.

So while I feel slightly violated and afraid for the potential virus activity that may have occurred as a result of my Asian/p0rn/hack/spam, I can happily state that my husband was thoroughly entertained by it. He was returning from a week long trip to Vegas for a conference when he got my spam message. His reply was - I've only been gone for a week and this is what you resort to? - Yeah, thanks honey. When you get home, just remember that the paying customers are first. We want that trip to Italy, right?

56 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

The Only Girl said...

ha! That's very funny!

You know you've made the bigger time when the hackers are interested in you.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

The Only Girl - If Kanji Spam is the big time, then I'll happily swim the bottom of the pond.

jessalyn said...

oooo. i left a comment of a similar nature on surferwife's blog yesterday. (not the h0rny one- although i do tell people i am 24. the 狂ったお尻 one) i promise it wasn't me though.
this doesn't look good for me now, does it?

Lin said...

That is hilarious!!!

I write the newsletter at the company I work for and I actually pay a translator to write the whole thing in Chinese. Now I'm wondering if you could get your spammy friend to do it for free being that he likes to write--and in symbols yet! I think all that symbol-writing is the same, right? Well, and to think how he would spice it up for the employees!! Wow--just the thought of it sounds like fun. I wonder if I would have a job come Monday?

Oh, and thanks for not sending me the horny message. That's TMI as far as I'm concerned. It's the "24" part that gave you away--I'm not buying that one.

Happy weekend, 24 and horny. ;)

linlah said...

"I have to get off here" I'm laughing at that cause I'm 12.

MiMi said...

I really really hope that doesn't happen to me. I'm such a baby I don't know what I'd do. Prolly have a tantrum with the ugly cry or something.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

@$#$#%$%$$#$@!#$%^$#@!#$%^$#@!#$%^%$#@!#$%^$#

THAT means - spam sucky long time

foxy said...

You know what? The morning show i was listening to on my drive into work this morning was saying that one of their twitter accts got spammed with the EXACT SAME THING - email address and everything - weird, huh? And it was an old married dude that the message came from - ha!

Spam sucks my ass big time.

Kiera said...

SOOOO FUNNY. you can't be horny and have so much laundry.

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

When I received your spam I was excited for your new home business. Sorry that didn't work out, Paris.

hokgardner said...

Hey - I thought Mr. Unpronounceable was MY guy. Hands off lady.

ANd I got hacked on Twitter yesterday, too. Dammit.

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo... good grief woman ya know that sweaty housekeeping image is all the rage now.. me soooo horny me love you long time BAAHAHAHAH

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Jessalyn - I'm going to have to keep my eye on you, aren't I?

Lin - You were only spared the message because you are not following me on twitter. All it takes is a click of a button and you can
be as fortunate as the tens of others that got my impassioned plea for a little "gettin to know ya".

Linlah - Yeah, I found it funny too, outside of whatever vodoo worm virus it may have given me.


MiMi - We don't want the ugly cry. Please stay off twitter. ;)

SFTC - That's what she said.

Foxy - I knew it was a sweaty old dude. It always is.

Kiera - It is not possible. I am a laundress first, then a temptress, and then, not even.

LPR - A girl's gotta make a buck.

HOKGardener - We can arm wrestle for him. He gives good spam.

Angel - Somehow I feel less than frisky when carrying laundry up and down the stairs. Not sure why. . .

Anonymous said...

I can translate the Japanese writing for you:

Dear Diary-San,

U so horny, u 24 and can love long time (ok maybe you're >35 and can love for a reasonable amount of time, based on that days stamina?), so you will do us a favor and wax on / wax off?

Mr Myagi say Elizabeth Shue almost as cute as Smacksy, in "The In Crowd", up in this dojo!

Best Regards,
Mr Unpronounceable

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

AHHHHAHAHA at Mr. Unpronounceable!

I was super flattered when I received your spam and almost agreed to hit you up on messenger.

But then relaized 24 is a bit too young for me.

Sorry.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Mr Unpronouncable - "The Shoe" isn't even close to Smacksy in the In Crowd. Puh-lease.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Monique - Whatevs, if you change your mind, you know how to contact me.

B-Dub said...

I feel like I missed out! Must follow you on Twitter so we can be tight like that.

Loves,
>24 and not so horny.

That One Mom said...

That totally sux. Sorry thst happened! I love that your hubby was so funny about it!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

B Dub - Mind if I co-opt your signature. It's true here too.

That One Mom - My hubby was pissed that I wasn't making more cash ;)

Amy said...

Ok, so according to Professor Google, your translation for the Japanese jargin is this:
"will never be pause stretched out your hand. Also will never be pause to extend the others"

Apparently it's either an isprirational bit to brighten your day OR it's something lost in translation. Either way, I had fun googling it;)

Also, "Haters be damned, in any language"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Ann's Rants said...

I cannot take credit for anonymous, but I sure wish I could.

Kanji spam is my favorite kind of spam. Redolent with succulent umami flavors and a spicy wasabi kick. SO FUNNY.

ShellyInOz said...

That is hilarious! I sincerely hope that you don't get any cyberly-transmitted diseases, but it served to give me a chuckle today. Thanks!

Shelly at Tropical Mum

Kate@And Then I Was a Mom said...

You know, I must go ahead and take offense. Why do the spammers never assume that people want to see horny thirtysomethings? WE HAVE FEELINGS TOO.

Stereos and Souffles said...

Who the hell makes a living spamming/hacking people? It's so bizarre. What ever happened to prank phone calling...that was way cooler.

Susan Fobes said...

Ok, I know I shouldn't be laughing but the "paying customers first" comment is the best! Good luck with the spam...

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Amy - Thanks for trying. I guess I'll just have to assume I have a reader in Japan and be thankful for the global reach.

Ann - I know, right? I'd have taken credit for a comment that funny. Heck, I might have commented, laughed at my comment and tweeted it. I'm shameless.

Shelly - I am planning a prophylactic dose of antibiotic.

Kate - That's hilarious.I guess I should be insulted too as my age group is seldem represented either.

Stereos and Souffles - I do love a good prank phone call. Damned caller ID.

Susan - Thanks. All is OK so far, knock wood (or maybe not) That offer got me into this mess.

Andrea (ace1028) said...

I just hate stupid people. And spammers are stupid people. There really is no reason to do that unless you have nothing to do with your days. Get a hobby. Seriously.

KK said...

How funny and a bit scary!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Andrea - Yeah, I guess when the carnival leaves town, there's nothing else for the bearded lady to do.

KK - Yeah. Seems all is well. Despite the hack.

Conquer The Monkey said...

suck it spammers, DG is on the case!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Cameron - Thanks dude! I will get my revenge!

Allyson said...

I'm personally very jealous that I don't have Chinese characters on my computer to send this message to others. What I DO have is wingding...the official language of long dong. So, perhaps I will take you up on your long dong offer in my wing ding.

Chief said...

the asians have infiltrated every part of our lives!

and I dont mean that racist ish either... at least NOT REALLY!

Eternally Distracted said...

That's exactly what I'd have said if I got caught sending out those messages on Twitter!!! ;0)

miss jo said...

Don't know if I should feel left out, as Mr. U. didn't spam me. Maybe he/she already has SF cornered. :)

Tracie said...

Lord knows that Google ads don't pay anything. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Arizona Mamma said...

Yes! I got that tweet and was wondering what I was missing. I was thinking that there had to be some punch line somewhere, but blew it off. Then got your explanation later and laughed. Sucks though that it happened. Not sure I'd be laughing if it were me.

peewee said...

I totally got one of these from u and was all... WELL! ALRIGHTY THEN!

SURE you got hacked. uh huh. Just admit that you were wantin' it and you are leading a double life and that your REAL name is 'diary of a madam'

Aunt Juicebox said...

Well that's one more strike against twitter for me.

I've gotten those spam comments before. I always delete them, but I wish I knew what they said!

The Blue Zoo said...

At least you were able to get a funny post out of the experience!

My email got hacked awhile back, and an email went out to everyone offering them Viagra. lol

Existential Waitress said...

too funny! I'm sure the hubs got a kick out of that one!

Erin said...

I am cracking up! I've definitely received wacky comments like that before, but as far as I know, my FB has never been hijacked. I'm so sorry! I would hate to send "I'm horny" messages to my friends. LOL!

Terry said...

omg!! that's hilarious...no, not really....teeheehee....wow....No, that's not funny...well, my spouse wouldn't think so!! :)

A Mother's Thoughts said...

That is so funny!! You're a superstar! Sometimes you gotta wonder what these looser are looking for! GD spam!

Lynn

Kat said...

Oh my goodness you are funny! I came here from...somewhere...where did I come from? Well anyhow, I'm your newest follower :)

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

Bet your husband had high hopes fo awhile there :) Very funny.

Sorry I can't help with the translation though!

Together We Save said...

You are so funny.... I do hate the spam though.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Allyson - I can get you some for cheap. Just look away for a sec and I will spam you Ninja style.

Eternally Distracted - Suburban life gets very lonely sometimes. ;)

Miss Jo - You didn't get the tasty spam because you don't follow me on Twitter. If you decide
to tweet up then I can promise that I will send you a special spam, just 4 U.

Tracie - True dat. That's why I removed them and moved on to more lucrative business arrangements.

AZ Mamma - No punch line, just a 50 year old sweaty dude, sitting in his mother's basement
hacking into twitter.

Pee Wee - If I thought it would raise my income, I'd cop to that and get into the oldest profession
in the world.


Aunt Juicebox - Don't let that stop you. You have a perfect sense of humor for twitter. I could pull
almost any sentence out of your blog and make a hysterical tweet about it.

Blue Zoo - You're a viagra spammer and I am a 24 year old ass spammer. We should form a corporation.

Existential Waitress - The hubs was expecting a h0rny 24 year old when he got home. Sorry to disappoint him.

Terry - It's ok to laugh. I find it pretty amusing. All I had to do was change my twitter password.

A Mother's Thoughts - Does spamming make you popular? If so, I say bring it on. I need all the help I can get.

Kat - Happy to have you here. I will return the favor after work tonight.

Nancy - He sure did. He expected 24 and h0rny, he got 45 and tired.

Together We Save - Thanks. I don't hate on the spam because I got a post out of it, and I was running dry.

FRANNIE said...

At least you're taking in all instride...laugh. And really, why limit yourself to just Italy, you may be able to make enough to see the entire Mediteranean. :)

Sara said...

Eeeee!

Asian porn spam!

Bu yao! Bu yao!

(In Chinese that means, "No want! No want!")

Linda Medrano said...

This is wonderful! My husband would be thrilled if I sent him a post like that! I'm going to try and find an Asian site so I can get some porn spam too. Yes, I love attention.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Frannie - Great idea. Very industrious.

Sara - That's great. How do I say two for 300?

Linda - Whatever it takes to keep the fire lit. . .

Cranky Mommy said...

I got a comment in Japanese recently too, on my (ex)homeschool blog, I was considering clicking the profile link when I realized that one line was English it said "_S_E_X_" Then I became fairly certain that the visitor wasn't actually interested in making their own sandpaper letters.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Cranky Mommy - They could use the sandpaper letters to spell out S.E.X.

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