Friday, February 5, 2010

Look What Fell Off my Family Tree - Destined For A Gas Explosion...

Hey everyone! It's time for my first guest post under "Look What Fell Off My Family Tree".

I am so thrilled to have Amy from Good Bye 20's, Hello Botox as my first guest poster. Amy writes a fabulous blog about (temporarily) living with her inlaws, raising her adorable son Jackson and working in the family business with the hubs. Proximity to the inlaws gives her lots of material that she can't necessarily post on her blog. So in the words of the great Clariee Belcher (Olympia Dukakis) from Steel Magnolias - If you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!

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When DG threw down the challenge of divulging how our family is "nuttier than squirrel poo" I was intrigued to say the least. Mostly because I have about a million and one stories of wacky, zany, and down right ridiculous behavior, yet I refrain from posting such hilarity on my own blog for fear of hurt feelings and bruised egos. Stupid feelings!!!!


So when given the opportunity to guest post, I am giddy with dysfunctional family delight, as I could compile a short novel of all of the absurdities I've witnessed throughout the years. My in-laws are usually the target of my anecdotal humor as theirs is more innocent and laughable than *my* families. Also, adding to the element of comedy is the fact that I live AND work with these people, so I have a front row seat to all of their eccentric kookiness. So, without further ado, here is one of my favorite family stories which has been retold mercilessly at every gathering and holiday get-together since it's inception nearly 20 years ago.


My husband's family is large. 5 kids...4 of them boys just one year apart in age. Let's just let that one little tid bit sink in shall we.....4 BOYS!!!
I have one and I'm losing my mind, four is just insanity.

So, my mother-in-law picked up all five of her children after school one day, and realized she had to make the "dreaded stop" before retiring home with the said children in tow. Seemed the Dodge Colt Vista (affectionately termed "the grocery getter" or "GG") was out of gas and needed refueling.

For those not familiar with the luxury that is the Colt Vista, picture this..........................







You should also imagine four loud, smelly, and rambunctious boys inhabiting the back seat while Big sister Kelly rode shot gun, and frazzled mom was of course piloting this ship.


As "GG" pulled into the service station, my husband's younger brother, John, a wee 10 years old at the time, insisted on pumping the gas. In an effort to quickly complete this chore and return home for the day, my MIL obliged telling him to only put $10 worth of gas in as she retreated inside to pay.



She returned to the car and waited for her third son to finish pumping.

But, it couldn't be that easy, right moms?


You see, John went over the $10 that was already paid. A slew of screams and taunts could be heard from the back seat as this had already taken longer than it should have. After poor John had been teased by his brothers over his lack of skill in the gas pumping arena, he was handed more money to bring inside to the clerk.


John slapped the money down, waited for his change, and hurriedly retreated back to the Vista Cruiser where everyone was impatiently waiting.

I always imagined poor John getting head nuggies and arm pinches when he was finally back in the car all belted in, but I have no idea if the boys were if fact that sinister.


My MIL started the car and darted out of the lot to hurry home and fix dinner for all her heathens. Only problem was.......................

She took the gas pump with her!

The hose ripped from the tank itself, the nozzle still nuzzled in the car's tank.
If memory serves, she promptly stopped the car. This is where I imagine panic sets in and poor John begins to cry.

"WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?"

"IS THE STATION GOING TO BLOW UP?"

"DO WE HAVE TO PAY FOR ALL THE DAMAGE?"

I guess at some point my MIL made the walk of shame back inside the station to hand the clerk his busted hose and nozzle. I actually think the clerk was very gracious and said something like "this happens more than you'd think," and just sent them on their way.



Now, while that entire ordeal would have been enough for me to learn my lesson, not to mention send me to the loony bin, my family seems to have a penchant for doing this.

Just mere months ago, my FIL came prancing into the house proclaiming that "he had driven off with the gas station hose connected again."
AGAIN???!!!!

I looked around as my husband and MIL laughed with fits of glee. My hiney began to actually sweat as I imagined what I would do in such a pickle. After all, I share these goofballs name. What if I'm just destined to take off with the gas pump too???

Not a month after *that* lunacy, my husband triumphantly announced that he "nearly took off with the gas pump still attached today....but was able to catch it before he actually left the station."



That cold, sick feeling returned as I again wondered.....when will my gas pump story unfold?

Thanks for guest posting Amy! Now, readers, your job is to do two things -

1) Leave comments for Amy here, so that there's no controversy on her blog.

2) Go to her blog, read her posts and follow her in a devoted, almost cult-like fashion.

25 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo, nothing like looking around you and realizing that you are the NORMAL one in that room.. that is funny though. I guess they simply hop back in the car or soemthing?? How do you pump gas and not put the hose up?? Brain farts lol that is what it is..

Amy said...

Angel, it's completely ridiculous that this has happened so much. Also adding to the hilarity of the situation is the fact that EVERYONE is so nonchalant about it. Like it's just a common everyday occurance! HUH???

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

this def sounds like something i would do as i am adhd 98 % of the time. great story esp the flop sweat in the butt crack - i get that too but only when i am caught in a REALLY bad lie

Sara said...

Sweet Jeebus. I'm shocked I haven't done this yet.

Your husband's parents are a lot more forgiving of this than I think mine would've been had I done that when I was 10 years old.

Oy.

MiMi said...

That is hilarious! We don't pump our own gas in Oregon so that hasn't happened to me. Although every single time we go out of state and have to pump our own gas, we A)don't know what the hell we're doing and B) take an hour to do it.

Tracie said...

I have a large list of irrational fears. Doing this is one of them. But now that I know it actually happens to people (multiple times) here's my dilemma. Do I worry about it more or less?

Existential Waitress said...

First of all, LOL - Vista Cruiser. I just love that name. Second of all, driving off with the pump still attached does sound like something I might do. I mean, I throw my car keys in the trash so this seems like the natural progression for my absent-mindedness...

Amy said...

SFTC: AHHHH, hate that damn butt sweat, right?

Sara: I think the years have softened everyone's memory of this event. I'm certain poor little John got a tongue lashing for his actions. Poor kid.

Mimi: I am certain that the Oregon law makers decided the act of pumping gas was just too much responcibility to give to just the common everday guy/gal. My in laws have proven that theory 10 fold! Also? How cool is it that you don't have to pump your own gas??? kickass!!

Tracie: Please come over so we can worry together! It has gotten to the point where I am nearly phobic about gas pumps! I may need medication.

EW: LOL! Natural progression...love it! And yes, Vista Cruiser is the all time best name for a car. Ever.

linlah said...

Oh your time is coming because you can't live in that close a proximity for it not to happen eventually. And that 4 boys in a car smell made my nose itch.

Insanitykim said...

I am surprised their pix aren't plastered in every gas station window and license plate numbers memorized so when they drive up appropriate action can be taken to protect the surrounding 10 city blocks!

Great post!

Allyson said...

Oh Amy...I wish people could make this stuff up, but the thing is...you just can't!! That is SOO hysterical. I think you have every reason to be sweaty in your underwear about this. And your children are completely hopeless as they actually have the DNA in their little mitochondria (or wherever the hell that stuff is stored). It will be better for your entire family when cars run on batteries alone.

3 cheers for "anonymously" posting about your MIL. I'm putting mine together, too. Seriously.. in-laws are an endless source of rage and confusion, simultaneously.

Allyson said...

Oh Amy, I wish people could make this stuff up but you just can't. It actually happens. I'm always amazed at the people that leave their gas doors open. But this is above and beyond! How very "The Jerk" of them. Pure awesome. I think that you might be safe, but your children are hopeless. They actually have the DNA in them that encourages this sort of behavior. I'm sure every gas station owner in town has your in-laws pics posted behind the register...just waiting for the moment when they have to chase the hose down the street.

Susan Fobes said...

Maybe it's just in their gene pool-remember, you are only "one of them" through marriage, so you might be saved!

Rachel said...

Amy, my fiance is #3 of 6 (SIX!!!!) boys! Yikes!

leigh said...

That is hysterical! Great post!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

oh man. I had a friend in high school do this on THREE occasions. And each time she would put it on her parents gas card. So three different months her parents flipped when they saw a $150 charge for a broken gas pump repair.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

I am pretty surprised I haven't done this yet too. My mom lives in a town where there is an ordinance that you can't pump your own gas. I try to get gas near her house whenever possible.

Eternally Distracted said...

Great story... Fortunately here we don't have to pump the gas - I fear otherwise my car my be emblazened with many a pump!

Cookie said...

That is so funny! I think I saw it on America's funniest videos once :)

Alyssa said...

Too funny! She took off with the gas hose attached? I thought I'd either seen...or done...it all!

blueviolet said...

People really do that???? That's hilarious!

Marla said...

This would be really funny ....if I had not done it. So humiliating!

Amy said...

All of your comments have me laughing hysterically! And yes, I am very fearful that my children will inherit this dreaded habit!
Can't wait for that fateful day when the phone rings and I have to go save Jackers from a gushing fuel pump!

miss jo said...

Wow, the Grocery Getter and familia could have exploded onto the nightly news ! I had the same thing happen in SF when I was preoccupied with my elderly mom in the passenger's seat. Leaving with a piece of the pump, for a second I thought we were doomed.

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