I am so thrilled to have Amy from Good Bye 20's, Hello Botox as my first guest poster. Amy writes a fabulous blog about (temporarily) living with her inlaws, raising her adorable son Jackson and working in the family business with the hubs. Proximity to the inlaws gives her lots of material that she can't necessarily post on her blog. So in the words of the great Clariee Belcher (Olympia Dukakis) from Steel Magnolias - If you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!
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When DG threw down the challenge of divulging how our family is "nuttier than squirrel poo" I was intrigued to say the least. Mostly because I have about a million and one stories of wacky, zany, and down right ridiculous behavior, yet I refrain from posting such hilarity on my own blog for fear of hurt feelings and bruised egos. Stupid feelings!!!!
So when given the opportunity to guest post, I am giddy with dysfunctional family delight, as I could compile a short novel of all of the absurdities I've witnessed throughout the years. My in-laws are usually the target of my anecdotal humor as theirs is more innocent and laughable than *my* families. Also, adding to the element of comedy is the fact that I live AND work with these people, so I have a front row seat to all of their eccentric kookiness. So, without further ado, here is one of my favorite family stories which has been retold mercilessly at every gathering and holiday get-together since it's inception nearly 20 years ago.
My husband's family is large. 5 kids...4 of them boys just one year apart in age. Let's just let that one little tid bit sink in shall we.....4 BOYS!!!
I have one and I'm losing my mind, four is just insanity.
So, my mother-in-law picked up all five of her children after school one day, and realized she had to make the "dreaded stop" before retiring home with the said children in tow. Seemed the Dodge Colt Vista (affectionately termed "the grocery getter" or "GG") was out of gas and needed refueling.
For those not familiar with the luxury that is the Colt Vista, picture this..........................
You should also imagine four loud, smelly, and rambunctious boys inhabiting the back seat while Big sister Kelly rode shot gun, and frazzled mom was of course piloting this ship.
As "GG" pulled into the service station, my husband's younger brother, John, a wee 10 years old at the time, insisted on pumping the gas. In an effort to quickly complete this chore and return home for the day, my MIL obliged telling him to only put $10 worth of gas in as she retreated inside to pay.
She returned to the car and waited for her third son to finish pumping.
But, it couldn't be that easy, right moms?
You see, John went over the $10 that was already paid. A slew of screams and taunts could be heard from the back seat as this had already taken longer than it should have. After poor John had been teased by his brothers over his lack of skill in the gas pumping arena, he was handed more money to bring inside to the clerk.
John slapped the money down, waited for his change, and hurriedly retreated back to the Vista Cruiser where everyone was impatiently waiting.
I always imagined poor John getting head nuggies and arm pinches when he was finally back in the car all belted in, but I have no idea if the boys were if fact that sinister.
My MIL started the car and darted out of the lot to hurry home and fix dinner for all her heathens. Only problem was.......................
She took the gas pump with her!
The hose ripped from the tank itself, the nozzle still nuzzled in the car's tank.
If memory serves, she promptly stopped the car. This is where I imagine panic sets in and poor John begins to cry.
"WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?"
"IS THE STATION GOING TO BLOW UP?"
"DO WE HAVE TO PAY FOR ALL THE DAMAGE?"
I guess at some point my MIL made the walk of shame back inside the station to hand the clerk his busted hose and nozzle. I actually think the clerk was very gracious and said something like "this happens more than you'd think," and just sent them on their way.
Now, while that entire ordeal would have been enough for me to learn my lesson, not to mention send me to the loony bin, my family seems to have a penchant for doing this.
Just mere months ago, my FIL came prancing into the house proclaiming that "he had driven off with the gas station hose connected again."
I looked around as my husband and MIL laughed with fits of glee. My hiney began to actually sweat as I imagined what I would do in such a pickle. After all, I share these goofballs name. What if I'm just destined to take off with the gas pump too???
Not a month after *that* lunacy, my husband triumphantly announced that he "nearly took off with the gas pump still attached today....but was able to catch it before he actually left the station."
That cold, sick feeling returned as I again wondered.....when will my gas pump story unfold?
Thanks for guest posting Amy! Now, readers, your job is to do two things -
1) Leave comments for Amy here, so that there's no controversy on her blog.
2) Go to her blog, read her posts and follow her in a devoted, almost cult-like fashion.