Friday, March 5, 2010

Divine Secrets of the I’m Gonna Kick You in the Ya Yas Sisterhood

This weekend finds your girl Diary out of town on a field trip of sorts. I am going to be taking a road trip with my mother and her cousin. You could say I’m granny sittin, but these broads are too tough to characterize as grannies. Doing so could result in a ninja-stealth punch to the nutsack. And nobody likes that.

We were hoping to relive the glory of our (now infamous) *1991 trip to Atlantic City, where we got robbed, cheated and swindled, all in the name of a good time. But there were nine of us on that trip and we couldn't put the band back together, so all hopes of replaying that episode of our lives were dashed. Sad, as I do so miss (insert eye roll) the crack police work of the Egg Harbor Police. It was like an episode of Police Squad, only with less competent police work.

For now, I will tell you that both of the women that I will be traveling with are tough chicks that spent their rebellious years sneaking out their windows to go to Alan Freed Rock N Roll shows, wearing their “hoodlum” jeans rolled up under their poodle skirts, getting their ears boxed by parochial school nuns, carousing in bars and chain smoking cigarettes until all hours. OK, that was just my mom. (The apple doesn’t fall far, which is why I don’t sleep at night.)

My mom’s cousin dates a horse trainer, so she has spent much of her adult life at the race track. Any woman that can spend that much time at New Jersey race tracks is clearly a no-nonsense broad that would slap the teeth out of Sinatra’s head if he busted a move. (And I'm talking skinny, mobbed up Sinatra that remembered the lyrics. Not doddering, hardening of the arteries Sinatra)

So me and these two tough old birds are making our way to Atlantic City for some R&R. And while I fear that there could be a geriatric/mid-life Thelma and Louise (And Diary) moment in my future, I will risk it because these ladies know how to have fun and best of all, how to laugh.

For the next couple of days, I won’t doing much posting, replying to comments or commenting on your blogs. However, if I don’t start showing my face at your place by the end of the week, send the cops and tell them to check for a droptop 66 Thunderbird at the bottom of the cliffs of New Jersey. Ok, Ok a green minivan. Gah!

*That 1991 trip to AC is a whole other Oprah and I will be sure to write a lengthy and multi-episode post about it, in the very near future.

32 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Arizona Mamma said...

Well enjoy it more than a kick to the nutsack!

Would love a trip anywhere at this point.

KK said...

Have fun. Some of my favorite trips are with my grandmother and her cousin. You learn so much about someone when you are trapped in a car driving across the country with them :)

Marla said...

I am going to see the three of you on an episode of Cops, aren't I? Not that I watch Cops. Gah!

Ok, I am only being a smartass out of serious jealousy. I want to be on that trip.

singedwingangel said...

lmbo I would love to meet your mom and them sounds a lot like mymom. but she is a country girl who has deballed bulls so a measly man ain't nothing lol

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Have a blast! I know you will and I know this trip will arm you with some good future blogging.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

AZ Mama - It should be fun. Let's see what kind of trouble we get in.

KK - This is only three hours. Still enough time in a car to know someone's life story.

Marla - When they start playing the "Bad Boys" theme song, look for a redhead, a bleached blond and a shortie with salt and pepper hair getting slammed up against a black and white. I'll try to wave.

Angel- Hot damn! Bull testicles! Must be a tough lady!

Monique - I hope so. It would suck if it was all mannerly and more like Pride and Prejudice than The Hangover.

The Black Kitteh said...

LOL! Sounds like a blast! Have fun and travel safe!

Melissa B. said...

Sounds like a rockin' good time! AC is a tough cookie to crumble...I prefer a more relaxed time down at The Shore. Hope you have fun...SITS sent me by, and I'm glad they did!

Yes, We've Been Singing Spring Songs

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

Everything about this sounds like a most excellent weekend.

(Don't forget to remove the license plates from the get-away van.)

Susan Fobes said...

Sounds like a trip to remember! Can't wait until you get back...

3LittleMonkeys said...

Enjoy your time! Sounds like you will have a blast!

Lin said...

Have a great time, chickies!!

hokgardner said...

Sounds most excellent. Have a great time!

Ann's Rants said...

Have a great time. Congrats on the book.

I hope Brad Pitt is in the sequal. The old one, not the dreadlock-beard one.

Michelle said...

That sounds like way too much fun!

French Skinny said...

I have a soft spot for blue haired firecrackers. Maybe you can talk them into an earlybird special eat and run!

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

I am looking forward to that story.i have found older people are the ones who really know how to party!

Linda Medrano said...

Now you and the Blues Sisters have a blast! I can't wait to hear about it! How fun a trip! (Be careful, but don't be too good! You need something to be forgiven for after all!)

Elle said...

Hope all goes well on your trip! Sounds like a fantabulous time!!

Alyssa said...

How did I miss this? Thinking of you in AC today with a huge smile on my face!!!

MiMi said...

I can't wait to hear about your trip! It sounds like it is gonna be a blast.

Kate@And Then I Was a Mom said...

Have fun and don't forget to show some leg.

Kimberly said...

Oh! That sounds like a whole lot of fun.

Have a great time!

foxy said...

Have fun!

And I have a little something-something for you over at my place.

Existential Waitress said...

They sound like some tough old birds that I'd love to hang out with - my kind of people! Have a blast!

Amy said...

Ah, this trip has gansta written all over it! I'm super tempted to grab Mike's grandma and take a road trip to meet you ladies!

Have fun dollface!

Allyson said...

Suddenly, I have flashes of Reno 911 and short shorts, sliding across cop cars Bo Duke-style. What's not to love about THAT? OK, I guess it's pretty great if you haven't hired them to actually catch a robber.

Have a fantastic time. I've always wanted to go to Atlantic City. For some reason, I think it would be like Gatlinburg, but with more slot machines and less dead hookers. I cannot WAIT to see pictures and hear stories from this trip. I'll bring the jug of vodka and maybe Foxy can supply the Marlboro Menthals.

Eternally Distracted said...

Sounds FABULOUS!! I wanna come, I wanna come... I will be back to read about the exploits of which I am sure there will be manY!

blueviolet said...

Thinking about you and hoping you're having the best time!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Black Kitteh - I'm back and it was actually pretty relaxing overall/

Melissa - If you consider ventriloquist acts to be a rockin good time, then this delivered.

LPR - Surprisingly, there was a minimum of police activity.

Susan - It was a great time hanging out with these ladies.

3 Little Monkeys - It was much more fun than the elderly should be allowed to have.

Lin - Thanks, girl.

HOKGardener - It was such a low key weekend, there weren't even any hookers around to point at and laugh/.

Ann - No Brad Pitt. Nobody under 50 except me (for the time being anyway)

Michelle - It was fun.

French Skinny - There were blue hairs in great supply. Smoking cigarettes, drinking and agambling.
It was like Church Ladies Gone Wild.

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded - I think the sum and total of my story is going to be that my mother needs a hearing ait;

Linda - I might be beyond forgiveness at this point.

Elle - Everything was great. Thanks.

Alyssa - Me and my party were probably the youngest ones there.

MiMi - It was a great time indeed. I need a day or two to reflect.

Kate - Why? Are vericose veins sexy?

Kimberly - Thanks!

Foxy - Oooh, prezzies to make up for my losses in AC?

Existential Waitress - They are a couple of crazy ladies. We managed to stay out of jail.

Amy - It was gangsta grannies living the thug life. There IS a Harrahs in NOLA. Sounds like an ideal place for granny nappin.

Allyson - Jug Vodka and Marlboro Menthols sounds about right for me (even though I gave up the smokes 24 years ago)

Eternally Distracted - It was fairly tame, but stories are forthcoming. . .

BlueViolet - Thanks. It was a good time and we are home without police involvement.

miss jo said...

Sounds like one lucky road trip. Hope you won big and broke a lot of hearts !

somebody said...


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