Sunday, June 6, 2010

The Hemingway Experiment

Write drunk; edit sober - Ernest Hemingway


Now before you get your panties in a bunch, you need to know that I am not in any way comparing my writing to E.H.'s. No, I am simply attempting to test the merits of his famous quote, to see if it improves on my manic musings in any way.

Allow me to set the stage for you; it's 7:00 PM on Saturday night, dinner is over, I know where my children are and I have decided to open a bottle of Pinot Grigio. I have a tendency to be conservative with wine and save it for times when it can be shared with someone. It is a beverage best enjoyed in a convivial setting, but like the bitches in the L'Oreal commercials say,"I'm worth it."

The link between drinking and writing is one worth exploring as I am a die hard fan of the writing of(alleged) former drunk extraordinaire, Elvis Costello. Though sober now, he was supposedly a spectacular drunk for much of his early career. And while all I can remember about Hemmingway's The Old Man and The Sea is that the old man urinated over the side of his boat, I can quote the lyrics of the Trust album like a televangelist quotes the bible.

At this point in my experiment, I am about 2/3 of the way through the bottle. I wouldn't call myself drunk, but I can definitely feel my my filter fading away. That filter is what keeps me from embedding videos of The Farting Preacher in my posts (investigate for yourself, I don't want to risk the fire and brimstone) and keeps me from saying things like "everyone on the Food Network is a summa cum laude douche bag". I'm not an angry drunk, but I certainly can't maintain my PC facade. I mean, I'm looking at Bobby Flay. Maybe that's not the wine talking.

So I leave this post now and move on to drunk baking. I have a hankerin' for Russian Tea Cookies that can't be tamed by a fruity white wine. Say a prayer that I don't burn myself alive in the process. I will edit this hot mess in the morning and we'll see if Hemingway's theory holds water. If this does not look like the train wreck that I am expecting, I may have to adopt a six toed cat and move to Key West with nothing but the clothes on my back and a couple of cases of vodka. We'll see.


Morning After Notes:

This post, while pointless, neither suffered at the hand of the wine nor gained anything at all. It is merely an experiment in wasted time. So my morning after assessment is that with regard to this particular quote, Hemingway had his head up his ass.

The results of the drunk baking have some merit however. The cookies I made are spectacular. Perhaps the quote should have been "Bake drunk; eat sober" . Perhaps if I consume enough vodka, I might have the stones to attempt my culinary nemesis - puff pastry. But first I'll have to up my homeowner's insurance.



40 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

blueviolet said...

I love what you say about Hemingway! The fact that you started baking when you got drunk is fabulous. I have to say there is nary a cookie that is better than that variety.Delicious!

The Empress said...

Heehee!

This is my kinda post....

Lin said...

I happen to like your drunk post. I mean, I like the filters off a bit and I agree with your Food Channel assessment. Now move onto Bravo with that hot mess "Real Housewives....". Yeah, I know all kinds of women like them. NOT.

Sara said...

I think this was a fabulous and successful experiment!

Granted, Hemingway was somewhat of a lush, so maybe you need to be a full blown alcoholic to get what he was trying to say... but I don't recommend it.

However, I enjoyed the post and you are correct about those L'oreal bitches. You are worth it.

3LittleMonkeys said...

Loved it! You are too hilarious. As far as the "bake drunk" part....not sure how far I would get. I would probably start eating it raw! Hello munchies.

Aging Mommy said...

Love it! I like how this became an experiment and you returned the next day to critique the results. After two years plus of not drinking I am still only able to manage two glasses of wine, with plenty of food, before becoming totally useless. I certainly could not write or bake anything.

But I have to say puff pastry is one of the easiest things to get right, it just takes forever to make it but once you do it takes care of the puffing all by itself!

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

As long as you decided to bake instead of "wave a white flag" it sounds like everything went just fine. E.C. Extraordinaire in any condition.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Blue Violet - Those were the most satisfying cookies eva!

Empress - Not gonna lie. . .it was fun.

Lin - Thanks. I think I might try a little drink and view on the housewives. Sounds like fun.

Sara - Thank you. I feel like I made several scientific breakthroughs.

3 Little Monkeys - It's worth trying. It's lots of fun.

Aging Mommy - You sound like you have mastered Puff Pastry. My hero!

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded - True dat. EC drunk or sober is nothing sh y of brilliance.

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

"Now it's my turn to talk and your turn to think
Your turn to buy and my turn to drink..."

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

LPR - <3 <3 <3 - You're the best!

linlah said...

I can definitely feel my my filter fading away..and when you move I'll be going with you.

Lee said...

I'm just impressed that you didn't burn down your house. I need to try the drunk/sober thing..maybe that will bring my funny back??

The Blue Zoo said...

I can write and drink (thank you spell check), but I should not leave drunken comments... LOL I think Ive lost a couple readers that way... I cant help it if my nice filter slips a little when I drink vodka! At least I think Im funny.

Aunt Juicebox said...

I'd need two full bottles of wine to consider myself to be "drunk posting". LOL

Masala Chica said...

I wish i could have shared that bottle with you. wine and blogging go great together - it's a simple fact :-)

peewee said...

Yah. But I wanna see your writing after TWO bottles! Now THAT would be something! Next week? same time? same place?

Erin said...

I definitely need to drink more in conjunction with other activities, i.e. writing, baking/cooking, and perhaps parenting....

;-)

Kimberly said...

That was great! An experiment worth trying for sure. I will have to lock up all the dogs in the process as well, because the barking, and yapping while I am drinking just ruins my buzz. Now, where are my rollers? (For my hair not weed, I live in CA, but not all of us partake in smoking for medicinal reasons.)

Alyssa said...

Now, Part II of the 'speriment...wha happens when a drunk reader reads a post by a drunk wri...iitter...??? Anyone willing to try it? Not me, of course. I wouldn't know.

Eternally Distracted said...

Two thirds of a bottle of wine is one thing... i think your next experiment should be conducted after two thirds of a bottle of vodka!! ;0)

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

KK - I think that I realize that I am no funnier drunk, just less PC. And honestly, I am a little (ok, a lot) too PC.

Linlah - My filter keeps me out of jail.

Lee - It didn't do any thing for me in terms of funny, but it certainly was fun.

Aunt Juicebox - Yeah, one bottle of wine was a strong buzz. Two would have been sloppy drunk, which could have definitely been more funny and way to dangerous for baking.


Masala Chica - Wine and friends go together. It's much more fun to share.

Pee Wee - Maybe. . . just maybe.

Erin - It's a fun experiment.


Kimberly - It looks like you have a lot of breakable items in your house. You might want to consider trying this experiment in a shed or garage.

Eternally Distracted - Yeah, I made it through 1 bottle. If it had been vodka, I could not have baked from the floor that I would have been splayed across.

MiMi said...

You must be drunk, you used the word convivial. Is that a real word??

LOL

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Mimi - Yes, it's real and I'm a total nerd. See below:

Main Entry: con·viv·ial
Pronunciation: \kən-ˈviv-yəl, -ˈvi-vē-əl\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Late Latin convivialis, from Latin convivium banquet, from com- + vivere to live — more at quick
Date: circa 1668
: relating to, occupied with, or fond of feasting, drinking, and good company (a convivial host) (a convivial gathering)

— con·viv·i·al·i·ty \-ˌvi-vē-ˈa-lə-tē\ noun

— con·viv·ial·ly \-ˈviv-yə-lē, -ˈvi-vē-ə-lē\ adverb

Linda Medrano said...

I kind of think EH was on to something when he said that. I think we tend to "clean up" more than we should when we write. (I don't mean spelling and grammar.) Our first or more basic ideas without all the filtering are usually better than after we over-think them. I wrote an email to my son that had him rolling on the floor and then re-wrote it as a post. He read both and said the unvarnished was much funnier than than the varnished. Still, since I rally do try to be PC most of the time, I'll probably stick with it.

Ann Imig said...

Drink, Drunk! Drink, Sober?

Coooooookies.

miss jo said...

E.H.'s style always seems so withholding and angry to me in its spareness. Frankly, he never had the cajones to write on such vitally funny topics as Farting Preachers. You go Diary !...Love your blog's new spring look :)

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Linda - If the purpose is to peel away the filter, then perhaps it should just be to write drunk. Once we edit sober, we sand the edges off.

Ann - Cookies consumed when drumk are simply delightful.

Miss Jo -ok, so here's the lowdown on the Farting Preacher (I feel I must explain) - there is a televangelist that has an odd delivery. It's full of pauses and grimaces and strange exclamations. Someone got the idea to enhance the audio from his tv show with gas noises. It is SO wrong, but SO funny. I don't know his real name, but if you go to youtube and search for "Farting Preacher" there will be many versions to choose from.

Katie's Dailies said...

Maybe that's my problem: maybe I should start drinking before I cook and my stuff will turn out better!

Mass Hole Mommy said...

You know, I get inspired to bake when I'm buzzed, too. That's probably why everything comes out like CRAP, though, huh?

Chief said...

quote of the day for me

"Hemingway had his head up his ass"

I love you for that

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Katie - after a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, most things are pretty tasty. The key is whether they are tasty the next day.

Mass Hole Mommy - Not if you eat it while you're buzzed.

Chief - Pretty bold statement I guess. Not overall, just where this quite was concerned. Besides, I a qualified to make that assessment because I am familiar with the view.

Menopausal New Mom said...

Thank you for joining our bloghop!!! And of course I'm already following you!!

Traci66 said...

I am now following you. I would like to invite you or anyones else to come join my sister and my Keppin' Company Thursday and I have a Thursday Giveaway Link Up also at http://traci66.blogspot.com
It is kinda crazy Tammy's Two Cents and Menopausal Mom then Traci66 and Heck of a Bunch came up with the same idea of having these Thursday link ups. Happy Thursday

~J said...

Here from Thursday's Friends & Giveaways! So glad I found you!

Tammy said...

Thanks for joining in our bloghop today! I am your newest follower. Have a great weekend!

Kimberly said...

That is funny! We don't have a shed, but we do have a garage that is full of my husbands antique milling machines. So, I would be getting hammered in the garage with giant machines that could eat me. Hey, that is something to post about...drinking and drilling.

Have a great one darling!

Jen Chandler said...

Oh my gosh this is hilarious! I'm glad you didn't burn the house down adn that the tea cookies are scrumptous. I'm not sure if I should write and drink...the results could be disasterous. Or perhaps, sheer genius! Hmmm, it is the weekend...

Happy Friday,
Jen

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

I might just have to give this experiment a try. You know, for the sake of science and bloggers everywhere. Im a giver like that =]

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

I agree with your conclusion. I was afraid your writing would be awesome after the wine. I can't drink. It gives me narcolepsy. I'd have to hang it up if booze had to be involved. So I guess I'm just happy with your conclusion.

somebody said...

酒店經紀人,菲梵酒店經紀,酒店經紀,禮服酒店上班,酒店小姐,便服酒店經紀,酒店打工,酒店寒假打工,酒店經紀,酒店經紀,專業酒店經紀,合法酒店經紀,酒店暑假打工,酒店兼職,便服酒店工作,酒店打工經紀,制服酒店經紀,專業酒店經紀,合法酒店經紀,酒店暑假打工,酒店兼職,便服酒店工作,酒店打工,酒店經紀,制服酒店經紀,酒店經紀

Post a Comment

Questions?
Comments?
Sarcastic Remarks?
Write 'em here: