Friday, June 4, 2010

Look What Fell Off My Family Tree Friday - Teenager Edition - Sarah Lindahl

The first installation in the Teenager addition of Look What Fell Off My Family Tree is from Sarah Lindahl. When not dropping knowledge about teenagers at my place, Sarah is the author of the blog "So. . .What Else?". Pop over there and show her some love after you read this:

Why Intelligent Design is Such a Stupid Idea
Sarah Lindahl

In a word; teenagers. Sam is fast approaching teenagehood, his birthday is at the end of the month and he will be thirteen. He's a very nice boy and I'm not expecting any horrific behavior from him but even if he does act like an asshole from time to time in the next ten years I will probably have to write it off as teenager-induced mental illness.

Already there is evidence of the hormones racing through his veins - a creepy little mustache (that he is ridiculously proud of); growing like the incredible hulk, (if the hulk only grew tall and didn't put on any muscle mass); and fits of emotional overload. I can't really blame the guy because his brain is being marinated in new hormones and chemicals at a rate that his little synapses have never experienced. And coupled with the newly marinated brain, his frontal lobe, the part of the brain that is responsible for judgement, reasoning, and emotions, is going to be taking a developmental break for the next several years, in the middle of which he is going to be DYING to drive a car and have sex. Sounds like a mean joke, doesn't it?

Teenagers are as stupid and helpless as toddlers when it comes to navigating the real world, but unlike toddlers, they resent their parents and don't talk a fraction as much as toddlers, so you never know what's really going on in their heads. When they do occasionally tell you what they're really thinking about, the adult instinct is to say, "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard," because what they said is probably the stupidest thing you ever heard. But, of course, if you say that they won't tell you anything anymore, so you have to bite your tongue and listen to the ridiculous theory about how having a huge snowplow attached to the front of your compact car is a good idea.

I've been thinking about getting full-time work again, but with this teenage thing looming, maybe now is not the best time. Sam will be easy compared to Kira (I hate to even think about that), so perhaps now is not the best time to leave them to their own devices. We've been lulled into complacence while they were in elementary school, but soon the ultimate-parenting starts up again. I hope we are ready.

That, among many other reasons, is why I think intelligent design is such a stupid theory. Another is the fact that the prostate gland, which ALWAYS gets enlarged later in life, goes around the urethra. How dumb is that?

If I was going to intelligently design a human, the control center (brain) wouldn't be teetering on the top of a skinny neck, just begging to be hacked off or cracked open, it would be in the center of the body. And eyes would be on stalks and would be able to regenerate. I could write a book on how I would design a human, but I won't bore you with any more details because I don't want you to be thinking "that is the stupidest thing I ever heard."
How would you design a human?

13 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

I love it! I would have them designed to encase in a cocoon at the age of 13. A pretty one that would look nice in the corner of the living room and then emerge at the age of twenty fully educated, well adjusted and acne free.

Amy said...

Hilarious! Speaking from the mommy of a son who turns two at the end of this month, I can't quite relate just yet. But boy am I dreading those teen angst years already!

Sara said...

This is a good idea. Teenagers provide endless fodder for blog posts.

Kimberly said...

My son is 12, and he is one of those children that does his own thing. I am sure once I "free" him more often we will have lots of laughs too.

They have already contributed so much to our gag reels. We bring up all kinds of stories at dinner time.

Sarah Lindahl said...

Thank you so much, DG for letting me guest post! And thank you so much for all the comments! Keep 'em coming!

Lin said...

I have one teen daughter and one teen son--which is two too many in my opinion. My standard saying is "If it's not one, it's the other. If it's not that, it's both." Which is brilliant if you are a mom of teens because you know what I'm talking about. The Terrible Twos have NOTHING on the teen years.

The Empress said...

I love the blog fodder I get from my 13 and 15 yr old sons.


Aging Mommy said...

Stopping by from SITS to say Happy Saturday Sharefest and I am so glad I did. This is a wonderful post! First if all I am reading your comments about teenager behavior and your comparison to that of toddlers. My daughter is three and talks all day long and regards me as her best friend and soul mate. Her first words this morning to me were "Mommy I want to tell you you have been a really good girl and Mommy you are a princess" so I shall miss this stage when it is gone, even though sometimes it drives me crazy never getting a moment of silence :-)

As for the human body and it's design, there are so many things I'd change, not least of which is the aging process. I understand vital organs get worn out with use but could you not design skin so that it retained it's youthful splendor and find a way to stop hair from growing gray?

Looking forward to reading more, consider me your newest follower!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Aging Mommy - Thanks for the follow aging mommy and I hope you popped in at Sarah's place too!

Tracie said...

I would design humans with a pause button. That way when my kids are annoying me I can stop them right in the middle of it.

Eternally Distracted said...

Phew - there are times I'm grateful to not be a parent... when I think about what I put my folks through I have no idea how they (or I) survived!

LiLu said...

I'm with Tracie... but let's add a "mute" as well.

somebody said...


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