Friday, June 11, 2010

Look What Fell Off My Family Tree Friday - Teenager Edition - The Empress from Good Day, Regular People

Today's post comes to you from the Empress over at Good Day Regular People. It is a thoughtful and funny interpretation of teen speak.



Enjoy!





The following morning exchange occurred on a day when the world's surliest teenager woke up late for school. If this is your first trip to Angstworld, and you're unfamiliar with Angstspeak, I have inserted translations below the actual dialogue. I have become well versed in "Angst" and am available for hire. Fee: free, in the spirit of fellow commiseration.
PARENT: "Hey, darling, you'll be late if you don't get up now."
15 YR OLD: "Why'd you let me sleep so dang late? You NEVER wake me up in time for anything."
HE IS SAYING: "Man, I am so tired, Mom. Can I sleep a bit longer?"
PARENT: "Sorry you'll have to rush, sweetie. I'll help you out. What do you need?"
15 YR OLD: "You still don't know what I need in the morning? How long have I been your son?"
HE IS SAYING: "I'm too tired to think, Mom. You always do it right. Can you do it for me, please?"
PARENT: "Here, I've got breakfast set. Come on down, I'll get your lunch packed. Then you can wash up instead of a shower."
15 YR OLD: "No shower???!! No shower??!! Man, does everyone get gross like that when they get old? I'm taking a shower. You're the one that got me up late. Why do I have to be the one to go without a shower."
HE IS SAYING: "You know how important my appearance is at this age. Please figure out a way to make time stop so I can get in the shower."
PARENT: "Alright. Sneak one in. I can get you to school on time. You're never late, it'll be alright."
15 YR OLD: "Nothing's ever alright at that place. They always find something wrong..I hate having to get a tardy slip. Just get me there, alright?"
HE IS SAYING: "I have a lot of pressures with being cool. Walking in with a tardy slip like a little kid is embarrassing. Please oh please, Mom, break some laws getting me to school on time."
PARENT: "It'll be alright. Come on, honey. Everything is set, and I fixed your breakfast so you can eat it in the car. Get dressed, and you'll make it with 2 minutes to spare. I'll be in the car. Your backpack's already in there, too."
15 YR OLD: "Thanks, Mom."
HE IS SAYING: "Oh, Mom, I am such a fool. Blind and full of bitterness. I'm so sorry for the way I acted toward you. I spoke to you with disrespect and a curt tongue, when all the time you are my mother.Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?"
PARENT: "Of course I do."
15 YR OLD: "Whatcha say, Mom? Who are you talking to?"
PARENT: "Oh, nothing, honey. Just something I heard in my head. Here, I think you've got some Clearasil left on your face. There. I love you."

53 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Sarah in deepest, darkest Lomellina said...

If that is my future I am going to need several new boxes of patience.

Glowers suspiciously at nine year old for signs of imminent teenagerness.

The Empress said...

Bountiful thanks for hosting me today, DMB!

I'm enjoying this series, and thought Sarah's post last week on how she'd design teenagers differently brilliant!

Sarah Lindahl said...

Empress, I'm so glad you're my new friend. I will be in need of your translation services in the future.

Bossy Betty said...

I thought I was the only one who heard these voices! Thanks, Empress!

Alyssa said...

That was funny and touching at the same time! One question: when do parents ever get a reprieve? I'm waiting for the boss-of-the-universe stage to be over...hoping there's some good "in between".

alicia said...

So not looking forward to those days. I think we are already there and my Little Man is not quite 11. yikes!

Pamela said...

This is about the same conversation that takes place in my house every day. I love how you spun out the end.... great twist, great writing!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Happy to have you here Empress. This is a great post!

Lee said...

LMAO! I am ALMOST to teen angst speak...sceeerrrreeedddd.

Tiffany said...

'blind and full of bitterness'--does it mean i haven't matured at all if, 11 years out of teenage angst, i'm still like this? probably.

Paul and Kerry said...

a classic and oh so true! these teens do love us. they really do. lol

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Here you are !!!
Funny and true post. My dd is an angel when she goes to sleep, but sometime in the night, Captain Howdy takes over her body and comes to life when you try to wake her.

Brian Miller said...

do you have a universa translator for 6 and 8 year olds as well. smiles. nicely done empress...

Sara said...

Is there some place we can send our children while they're of the ages 12-17?

You know, like Greenland?

the mombshell said...

As always, brilliant Empress!

Island Gal said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog and for sharing the recipe site!!!
I'm now your newest follower!! ;)

ps: very funny post!! lol

Noelle said...

Great post Empress!!!

SurferWife said...

This was the exact post that got me hooked and following the empress.

I am scared for my kiddos to get any older.

Angelika said...

Love it, LOL. If only I could have you in my head when I'm talking to The Evil Teen. :-)

The Drama Mama said...

This is so funny, especially the ending.

kristy eléna said...

LOL!!! this is awesome.

Vogue Gone Rogue

Aunt Becky said...

Mine sounds like that at 8, which is terrifying, because it's never.going.to.end, is it?

Wait, don't answer.

3LittleMonkeys said...

Great picture!

So I'm going to have 3 teenage boys talking like this? I better learn the language!

Ed Pilolla said...

ah, so this is the survival tactic of parents. i can see how this would be necessary:)

The Flying Chalupa said...

You might be an Empress, but dealing with teens means you're also a saint.

PS - When you figure out how to make time stop, please let me know.

PPS - Clearasil. hahaha!

Eternally Distracted said...

I remember my 15th year and I'm sure my Mum was never as kind as you!!

Great post :))

The Empress said...

Thank you to all who visited here and left a comment. I'm happy you understood what I was trying to say with this post. Teenagers need more love now than ever....I'll help you with the angstpeak...just send me your stuff, and I'll send it back transcribed. Love you, all.:-D

Mr. Stupid said...

This was hilarious. My Mom would try only one time. And then it was "Wake up by yourself". I got late most times due to that policy.

Liz said...

HAHAHAHA!!! Oh, Empress - I think you are rather kind about what your son is *really* meaning to say!

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

I think the parent in this dialogue is either a saint or heavily medicated.

Only You said...

I swear I have started to see signs in my son and he is only 6. Looking back, Alexandra, had there been signs along the way??

I remember loving this the first time I read it. Hilarious and beautiful! If it's appropriate (for privacy reasons), please write about teens!

Mary said...

I never realized you were bilingual :-). This was fun. Have a great day. Blessings...Mary

KLZ said...

I have conversations like this with my husband too.

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

Hahahahaha! You need to create an automatic translator box that gets affixed to every teenager's throat. I bet it would help with communication between parents and their teens. Or maybe we should call it the, "Hear what I wanna Hear Box." Well done, Empress.

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

P.S. So glad I was sent here by the Empress! I always follow the funny, and just the title of this blog alone makes me crack up. Will have to read through some of the posts.

Tracie said...

I'm dreading these days. The tween years are hard enough.

Mrsblogalot said...

Alex, this was wonderful and scary all at the same time. Is this really going to be the sounds coming out of my sweet little guy? Say it ain't so. Or just lie to me, I'm easy(-:

My name is PJ. said...

Scary and accurate and scary and funny and scary and silly and scary!!

dusty earth mother said...

Hilarious as always, Empress!

Melissa said...

Oh, to have the presence of mind and understanding of a loving mom...seems to come naturally, doesn't it? Just like our kids' ability irritable and irritating at the same time.

Anonymous said...

HA! Love It!

Alex@LateEnough said...

Fabulous. And you're good mom-ness shines through too :)
Poor teens. I would NEVER want to go back to high school!

~J said...

LMAO! I love this..and so totally relate!

The Crazy Baby Mama said...

AND I THOUGHT IT GOT EASIER ONCE THEY WERE POTTY TRAINED.

DAMMIT.

BTW, I HOPE YOU WILL CHECK OUT THE
THE TOO MUCH INFORMATION AGE CONTEST I'M STAGING THE CRAZY BABY MAMA :)

A GIFT CERTIFICATE TO GOOD VIBES COULD BE IN YOUR FUTURE :)

The Blue Zoo said...

Sounds like mornings with my 9 yr old!!

Meghan said...

Thanks for joining in at Monday Madness!

Meghan
www.thetuckerstaketennessee.com

Kimberly said...

My 12 year old is still speaking the language I understand. Does this process automatic once he hits 13? Is it worse in girls or boys?

What a humorous post! I remember those days, but my mom was never so loving! She is one super understanding and sweet mom! Is she available?

peewee said...

WOW. You're good! REALLLY GOOD!!! Can you bottle up some of that patience and understanding and sell it on ebay? Thanks...I'll start bidding now.

tyneboden said...

I'm a new follower - as well as an English teacher of teenagers. I feel your "pain." At least I get to send them home at 3:30!

Would love if you'd follow me back!

Amy said...

Hilarious! But all these teenager posts have me nervously laughing like a crazy person. Seriously, I'm scared ya'll!

Chief said...

Finally, someone who can translate teenager lingo!

I think you are spot on as well!

Aunt Juicebox said...

That was good. Very good. You are so much nicer in your motherly responses than I am in similar scenarios. Usually it involves lots of cursing and cold water.

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