I am in a bit of a parental pickle and here's why - As your mother, I am supposed to be an example of good taste and good behavior. One of my primary responsiblilities is to teach you to be a fine and upstanding young lady , to make sure that you know right from wrong and use excellent manners in all social situations.
And while it is understood that instilling these attributes is a large part of my motherly job description, I admit that sometimes I fall a little short. Take yesterday for example, I found it impossible to respond in a mature manner and tell you that what you did was not necessarily the right or most lady-like thing to do. It was my job to explain to you that what you did was sort of juvenile and a little disgusting and probably a tad disrespectful to the other people that you share this house with.
The problem is, when you do something like this, I end up laughing so hard that I can't speak or breathe long enough to form the words to correct you. And when your father is the first to find your handiwork, well, that puts the last nail in my measly maturity and I literally roll on the floor in laughter (honestly, I thought that was just an expression until yesterday, but no, it's real).
I am considering hiring a maturity surrogate for moments like these. What's that expression? The first step in solving a problems is admitting that you have a problem. Well, allow me to introduce myself - "My name is DG and I am a Bathroom Humor-aholic."
Please don't faint, it's only paper mache.