Thursday, September 2, 2010

Dashboard Diva Does Italy

The phone rang on the Sunday morning before we were leaving for Italy. I recognized the voice on the other end immediately. It was my old friend Randy Jackson. Seems he had a diva that was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and he needed my help to get her back online.

Here's how the conversation went:

RJ: Dawg! Dawg! Dawg! What's up dawg?

DG: Oh, hey Randy. What's up?

RJ: Girl, I need your help with a friend of mine who's on the brink of a nervous breakdown. She's in rough shape. Worse than I was my first year working with Simon.

DG: Hmmm. Sounds serious.

RJ: Dawg, it's more than serious. She keeps breaking out in spontaneous fits of melisma in the most inappropriate places. The doctor's office, Starbucks, Olivia Newton John's 4th of July barbecue. She really needs to get away.

DG: So what do you want me to do about it?

RJ: You're going away, right?

DG: Randy, no!

RJ: C'mon dawg, she's really small.

DG: I don't care how small she is.

RJ: Nah dawg, you don't understand. I don't mean to say that she's petite. She's truly small. Like she could ride to Italy in your purse.

DG: Randy, no.

RJ: C'mon dawg. I'll owe you.

DG: OK, I'll do it. But you have promise to do me one favor.

RJ: Anything dawg.

DG: You have to make sure that super tool Bret Michaels doesn't get the open judge slot on idol.

RJ: You got it dawg.

DG: And one more thing. . .stop calling me dawg.

RJ: You got it dawg.


So, as a result of my unfortunate encounter with Randy Jackson, we left our house on late Sunday afternoon, bound for an overnight trip in NYC to shortcut our trip to JFK the next morning with a pocket sized diva in tow. Here are some of her vacation snaps . . .

The Diva chills at the Marriot Marquis, saying her final goodbyes to NY city.

The Diva has her final NY meal at the JFK airport Chili's. (It can't always be sushi at Nobu, diva)

The Diva practices her scales at 36,000 feet.

The Diva likes the fluffy Robes at the Marriot Grand Flora in Rome.

The Diva is no stranger to a bidet.

The Diva has a post-bidet gelato.

Diva really prefers the Caprese salad at Bacco. They use arugula instead of basil leaves.

The Diva makes note of the location of the American Embassy. You never know when she might create an international incident.

Food coma 1.

Food coma 2.

Food coma 3. (we stopped counting after this one)

Diva does Siena. Nothing like a high maintenance gal in a medieval city.

Diva at the top of the Spanish Steps. Must be nice to climb them in someone's pocket.

Diva, LIVE at the colosseum.

Diva in wine jail in a medieval castle.

Dinner at the Castello Trebbio in the hills outside of Florence. (Somebody had a few too many glasses of wine and too few slices of Tuscan bread. Carbs are your friend, Diva. You need to build a base to suck up the alcohol.)


This video was in heavy rotation on Italian MTV and was rapidly climbing the charts. It was already a hit in other parts of Europe, but I don't think it has made its way to the states. It's so refreshing to hear a singer that can actually sing without autotune. The song has a cool retro vibe and best yet, the Diva approves!

30 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Sarah Lindahl said...

Oh my God, the food coma pictures! Shut up! That's hilarious! I didn't know you and Randy were friends (dawg), wow! Impressive! I am so jealous of the little diva. I would love to see the colosseum and have a post-bidet gelato. Sigh...

Bossy Betty said...

What a trip, Diva and your hair stayed perfect throughout!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Sarah -me and Randy are tight. He owes me for this one. She was a pain in the ass.

Bossy Betty - Amazing how polyester hair holds its shape.

Caution Flag said...

You're nothing but generous toward Diva. One question though: did her luggage get lost? Poor thing in one dress for the entire trip!

Brans~Muffin said...

That Diva is one Lucky Doll!

hokgardner said...

That is just awesome! I particularly like the coliseum picture.

Stereos and Souffles said...

What kind of friend are you??
No change of clothes for the Diva...sad.

The Empress said...

Oh! oh! OH! I wish I had something to give you for that post! The pictures, the pictures! The story, the hilariousness, the music video!


The Empress said...

Can I say it again??

OOOOOh...that music video!!


DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Ok, Ok. For those of you that are worried about the Diva's lack of variety in her clothing need to understand that the Diva views her look as a uniform. She packed 12 identical red lame dresses. I tried to explain to her about the practicality of that, given the sight seeing and the heat, but she was unswayed.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Empress - Your comments alone are gift enough. Wait until I show you MY pictures. The Diva is a terrible photographer.

Noelle said...

next time can I be the dashboard diva?

The Empress said...

thanks a lot...can't stop replaying and playing and replaying that video now!!!


man. i am uber jealous of the diva. not bc of the trip to rome. bc she got to sit in yr pocket and listen to LI accents all day.

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

Will The Diva be my new wingman?

Love the dancing old dudes in the video. They are totally "my type."

Aging Mommy said...

Love the Diva view of your travels. I have all over Tuscany, to Florence and Siena and all those other wonderful walled towns and cities, I even did a week long walking holiday through Tuscany. Yet I still envy you having just been there so recently, it is one of my favorite parts of this world of ours and the food.....oh, the food.

Linda Medrano said...

I adore that video! Wow! Also the Diva made your photos of a wonderful place all the more fabulous! I'm glad you took her, Dawg!

BeMistified said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BeMistified said...

"12 identical red lame dresses" I think she is in need of more help than what was once thought. Awesome post. Reading from a distance.

linlah said...

no one should ever stop counting the food coma's.

Kate said...

By the end there, Diva's hair was looking a little frizz. I suspect she used the bidet the Wrong Way.

Erin said...

Dawg, I'm super jealous of Diva. She's got it made in the shade. This may very well be your best post ever!!! LOVE it!

Lin said...

That dress. That hair. That LIFE! I wanna BE the Diva. Sheesh, that woman has got it goin' on! ;)

Amy said...

OMG, love this! Especially the food coma and wine jail.

Sounds like my heaven;)

Sara said...

Doesn't everyone deserve a post-bidet gelato?

That should definitely be a thing.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Kate - Diva needs a brazilian blowout.
Linlah - There was an outbreak of food coma the entire length of the trip.

Erin - Diva needs to take a xanax and go home.

Lin - That hair is like a dish scrubber. When my sponge on a stick wears out, Diva will be on kitchen duty.

Amy - Next time you get in my bag. The diva was a pain in the buttocks.

Sara - Anything that is done post-bidet becomes that much more memorable.

blueviolet said...

That was totally a crack up! But that mess of hair...oh huzzah!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Blue Violet - Yeah. She's having a bad hair life.

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Marvelous! Hair intact and still smiling.

Sandra said...

What a fantastically clever way to brag about the fact that you went to Italy! lmao! This was terrific!

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