I walked into the powder room last night and lifted the lid of the bowl to find a note written on a piece of construction paper. It was a strange feeling to see the written word on the toilet and I wondered for a split second whether this was going to be some sort of ransom note for the last roll of toilet paper (a commodity worthy of extortion, to be sure). But no, a recent purchase of a case of the stuff ensured that this was not about a hostage situation.
The note was written in blue pen on purple paper, a cruel trick to middle aged eyes, to be sure. I squinted to read it under the light of the bathroom sconces. This is what it said:
"If you are reading this, you're probably about to go pee or poo. I honestly don't know about your personal life. Well, anyways, good luck. Have fun.
Love and scones,
How did I react? Well if you guessed that I marched out of the bathroom and gave her a stern warning about people's privacy and whatnot then this is either your first time here or you haven't been paying attention. I gave her what every comedienne wants; laughter and lots of it. I am, after all, the person who at the same age, found my father's high school year book and wrote the following:
"Have a great summer. Eat spam.
I had no idea this stuff was genetic.