Friday, December 30, 2011

New Year, New Me. . . not really

Photo Credit: I snatched this bitch from I have no idea where she snatched it from

Hello.  Have you met me? I'm DG at Diary and I am not a "mommy blogger".  I have spent the last three years tippity typing on this keypad, seeking to illustrate how I hate the PTA, would rather be drawn and quartered than carry a Vera Bradley Bag and shoot neighborhood parents with a BB gun when they walk their dogs (OK, the third part is a lie, but some of those bitches make it into my darker day dreams). So why in the name of evil Mother Nature would ANYONE solicit me to hawk their scrapbooking product?

After a long vacation away from my blog, I returned to find an e-mail from some chick that "absolutely loves" my blog and wants to advertise her product on it.  All I can think is, does she love it for my desire to put truck nutz on my Uncle's pick up or for spewing rabid hate about the PTA?  I have never expressed an interest in scrapbooking, wearing sweatpants with words on the ass or any other mommy cliche (apologies if you are sitting on the word PINK as you read this). Not  to say that that those things are bad, they just are not me.

Now, while I may not be a Mommy Blogger, I am most definitely a woman, and what does a woman do when someone professes their love for her?  She tests that love, of course.  So being that this woman has put her love for my blog in writing, I am going to make sure that she really knows what she loves.

This post today is a warning shot of sorts, because in the coming weeks, I am going to go ahead and run her promotion (if she writes back and hasn't figured out her marketing error as of yet).   I don't want you all to think that I have gone soft or commercial or "mommy" once you see me hawking her patchwork rainbow on my blog.  It is more to see if they really pay attention to who they solicit.

Part of this process will be to give away some scrapbooking software, so I will be running a contest.  PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not let my bitter words stop you from entering to win the software, wearing sweats or joining the PTA.  These things are not for me, but I do not judge if they are for you. . .unless you live within my school district, then I'm Judge effing Judy.

12 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Lin said...

I hate the PTA, Vera Bradley bags, sweatpants of any kind, and minivans (even though I drive one). I also hate fundraising for anything my kids belong to, but I do because I have to. I personally cannot wait to see your post because I've always wanted to do a snarky one for all of the fools that make the same request of me. I had one recently that asked me to post about my wedding plans. Gees, won't Joe be a little surprised!

Do you read The Bloggess?? She's always going after these fools and her posts about this are HILARIOUS. If you don't read her, please do. I think you will be inspired.

andrea said...

I, too, hate PTA, Vera Bradley, and minivans. I refuse to own one. I think there really is no need unless you have, like, your own basketball team or some shit. But, to each her own.

I always feel evil and a little out of place when I am listening to hard rock in the car line. But, hey, these kids need to know what real music is about. Ha ha

hokgardner said...

Damn. I got the same offer and was feeling really special. Looks like I wasn't the only one hit on.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Lin - Who is Vera Bradley anyway? Beyotch.

Andrea - Rock on in the car line. No shame in that!

Hokgardener - Yeah, pretty much a form letter. I can safely assume that she has never read my blog or she never would have extended the offer. This should be fun (rubs hands together maniacally

The Empress said...

I'm just about in tears over here.


I love you.

I love you.

I love you.'s waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too serious out here.

So good to have you back.


Allyson said...

I realize that you will not judge me for briefly patting myself on the back on the blog today for almost finishing my wedding scrapbook. Because, after all, if you don't scrapbook it, did it really happen?

However, I'm with you...quilted items belong on the guest bed, PTA stands for Parent Trap Association, and minivans are only useful when you want to commit vehicular homicide and have no one suspect you. And, unlike you, I can't hide my disdain for the women who embrace these things...because they are clearly not my people. My people just unstrapped their child from Mustang.

Roshni said...

..and, if I win, what on earth am I supposed to do with it?!?!?!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Empress - Hey baby <3

Allyson - Girl, you could scrapbook your entire wardrobe and I'd still think you were the coolest kid on the block.

Roshni - Dang, I can't offer any advice here...I plan to make a collage of PTA hags faces in a sea of sunflowers, to showcase their less than sunny dispositios.

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

I can't wait to see it! But then, the only letters I would wear on my ass are PTA.

Amy said...

"apologies if you are sitting on the word PINK as you read this"....That is some funny Sh*t DG! Loving this little marketing experiment you got going on....Bring on the scrapbook crap!

Linda Medrano said...

Honey, I do judge. Don't join the PTA. Don't scrapbook. Don't wear sweatpants with anything written across the butt. If you do, I will be disgusted with you. There. I said it.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Mom of the perpetually grounded - Please tweet a photo of same.

Amy - You know it girl. Hugs to you. Hope all is well.

Linda - My butt will remain a word-free zone.

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