Friday, April 29, 2011

No Longer a Bridesmaid

Not wearing another one of these, bitches!


After many, many years of toil and unpaid labor, I am finally being offered a guest posting gig!  I know, I know, it's still unpaid, but all these years of being a bridesmaid, leaving a permanent hoopskirt mark on my ass, today I get to wear the princess dress.  Weeeeeeeeee!

I am over at Wendie's place - Thoughts From This Mom.  Wendie is a fellow Long Islander and working mom blogger, who actually thought I needed a break from the polyester badness of bridesmaid land.  Of course, I am both eternally grateful and suffering the worst spell of writer's block that I have encountered in a long time.  The one true thing about Murphy's Law is that it's dependable.  Thanks Wendie.  If you ever ask me to guest post again, I promise to sparkle in a more bride-like fashion than I did today! 

I think I hear the DJ.  Let's Party!!!!


Friday, April 15, 2011

Happy Birthday Spike!

As I sit here on the couch, about to begin writing my Friday morning blog posting, I am distracted by a strange wheezing noise.  Looking to my right, I see that it is merely Spike, the Hotness Monster asleep on the ottoman and snoring, I guess.   My husband has always said that Spike has a strange wheeze, but until now, I had never heard it.   As a matter of fact, I hardly ever see him sleeping as he prefers to sleep behind either the armoire or the overstuffed chair in the living room.  But today he is as loud and proud as a twelve year old cat can be.

Spike joined our family around the same time as my daughter did.  As a matter of fact, while I was in the hospital,  laboring and threatening the lives of the medical staff that did not yank the bastard anesthesiologist off the golf course, stat, my son was hanging out at his grandma's house, coaxing this little grey stripped kitty out from under the shed.

From the beginning, this little cat was drawn to people and carried his tail high and proud.  Nobody was going to get in the way of what he wanted and it was clear, that he wanted to be part of our family.  So twelve years ago, I got my epidural and said yes to the cat.  After getting the epidural, I would have said yes to adopting six chickens and a llama.  Thank god they were only asking for a cat.

Spike turned out to be an ideal cat in every way and as you can tell from my Avatar, there were no cat/dog issues when we brought Brownie the Wonderdog into the house.  The nuzzling and chaste, neutered love between them is both sweet and freaky and an endless source of entertainment for us.

So, around this time every year, we celebrate Spike and his approximate birthday/adoption day.  He is one of a kind and I am so glad that he chose us.

Here's a little photo tribute:







Sunday, April 10, 2011

Being a Mature and Responsible Parent Bites Monkey Weiner

There are certain things that I try not to do with this blog that are against the spirit of its existence.  Things such as taking down a post.  As a writer of an anonymous blog, there are certain freedoms of expression that I enjoy.  But I recently broke down and pulled a post, which has left me feeling like a complete tool.

My husband almost never mentions my blog to me.  I think this is probably because he almost never reads it.  However, my last post, about a ridiculous school function run by the skanktastic sea hags of the PTA must have caught his eye.

According to him, I had provided quite a lot of specifically identifying detail.  So much so, that anyone casually googling about the event, would clearly recognize those that I railed against and possibly my daughter, which is something that I would never want to do.  The last thing in the world that I would want is for my smart mouth to be my kid's downfall.   I have spent the last  14 years with my barbed tongue rolled back in my head in the presence of doctors, teachers and other children's parents, as a means of keeping the peace for my kids.   This blog has served as a preventative measure to get the comments that I would like to make exorcised before they get vomited out the front door like a pea green sea of jagged insult. Of course, being able to spew my thoughts directly to the offending parties  might make me feel better, but ultimately my kids would bear the burden of my words. 

When I told the hubs that I took the post down he said "You didn't have to do that, you could have just changed it."  I suppose I could have, but then I would break another rule that I have, which is to expose the funny of the situation  by exposing the truth of it.  When I write that my daughter changed my husband's Aim status message (for work, no less) to "I can't chat now, I'm busy shaving my toes.", it's funny because it's true.  I might change or omit names to protect the guilty, but that's as far as I will go in manipulating a story.

So here I sit, conflicted that I took down a story with a great deal of humorous truth to it. It seems a waste to have to pull back comments like  "The problem with our PTA is that it seems to attract a very specific type of woman and this type of woman is not my favorite. In fact, I think it's fair to say that if this type of woman were a man, I'd punch her in the junk.".  Truth.