Friday, December 30, 2011

New Year, New Me. . . not really

Photo Credit: I snatched this bitch from I have no idea where she snatched it from

Hello.  Have you met me? I'm DG at Diary and I am not a "mommy blogger".  I have spent the last three years tippity typing on this keypad, seeking to illustrate how I hate the PTA, would rather be drawn and quartered than carry a Vera Bradley Bag and shoot neighborhood parents with a BB gun when they walk their dogs (OK, the third part is a lie, but some of those bitches make it into my darker day dreams). So why in the name of evil Mother Nature would ANYONE solicit me to hawk their scrapbooking product?

After a long vacation away from my blog, I returned to find an e-mail from some chick that "absolutely loves" my blog and wants to advertise her product on it.  All I can think is, does she love it for my desire to put truck nutz on my Uncle's pick up or for spewing rabid hate about the PTA?  I have never expressed an interest in scrapbooking, wearing sweatpants with words on the ass or any other mommy cliche (apologies if you are sitting on the word PINK as you read this). Not  to say that that those things are bad, they just are not me.

Now, while I may not be a Mommy Blogger, I am most definitely a woman, and what does a woman do when someone professes their love for her?  She tests that love, of course.  So being that this woman has put her love for my blog in writing, I am going to make sure that she really knows what she loves.

This post today is a warning shot of sorts, because in the coming weeks, I am going to go ahead and run her promotion (if she writes back and hasn't figured out her marketing error as of yet).   I don't want you all to think that I have gone soft or commercial or "mommy" once you see me hawking her patchwork rainbow on my blog.  It is more to see if they really pay attention to who they solicit.

Part of this process will be to give away some scrapbooking software, so I will be running a contest.  PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not let my bitter words stop you from entering to win the software, wearing sweats or joining the PTA.  These things are not for me, but I do not judge if they are for you. . .unless you live within my school district, then I'm Judge effing Judy.