"It's going to be gorgeous out there today. It's a perfect day to play hookey and go to the beach." Those were the words of the nerdy weather man this morning. He was talking about how the temperature and the humidity would both be in check today; which is something of a mythical unicorn during a Long Island summer. You want to believe that it's real, but you can't until it flies over you and poops glitter on your head. Well today, it's raining glitter.
Days like these are the kind of day that I wish I gave a shit about communing with nature, but the bottom line is I have never been what you'd call outdoorsy. My skin is a shade of white that makes milk look tan and it is sensitive to the elements in the extreme. If I am not covered from stem to stern with SPF 50 a jihad between sunburn and freckles will break out on my skin and won't stop until I retreat into the nearest cave. Maybe that's what Bin Laden was doing with all that early cave-dwelling, he was recovering from a wicked sunburn. They might have caught him sooner if they followed the sunblock and aloe trail that he must have left. I am clearly a geopolitical/dermatological genius for figuring that one out. Anyway...
Let's face it, geeks and losers are the only people that are going to risk West Nile Virus and use this gorgeous weather for something abhorrent like "going to the beach" or "gardening" or "riding a bike". Weather like this can only result in one activity - outlet shopping. This may be the only day of the summer where shopping at an outdoor outlet complex can be tolerated. I miss many a great bargain on purses and shoes due to my rabid distaste for heat and humidity. I think it's time to grab the sunscreen, sunglasses, hat, umbrella, hand held personal fan and comfortable shoes and get my shop on.
So, armed with a rainbow colored array of credit and debit cards, I will brave the elements today at lunch time and hit up the outlets. Lucky for me, they are right around the block from work. It's probably safe to assume that I'll be back a little late from lunch. However, if I am not back by dinner, check the nearest cave.