Sunday, July 21, 2013

Two-fer Tuesday

This morning I sat my four month old puppy Buzz down and I looked him directly in the eye "We've loved having you here Buzz," I began, "and you know that we love you very much. Right?"  Buzz looked away, lost in his own thoughts of what this conversation might be about and the yellow chew toy in the corner. "Buzz, look at me.  Please look at me when I talk to you."  Buzz looked back at me and looked away, afraid to put his focus on my message.

"Buzz, honey, sometimes pet parents have to ... Buzz, come back here.  Put my new flip flop down!  That's not a chew toy, get your Kong.  As I was saying Buzz, sometimes pet parents have to do something that they don't want to do but have to because it's right for...Buzz, come back here.  Stop chewing on the throw rug. Please, come here."  Buzz walked back over to where I was sitting, sat in front of me and tilted his head like the RCA dog.  I continued.  "Sometimes we have to do what's right and responsible and...hey, where are you going now?  That's YOUR tail, if you catch it you end up biting yourself.  Listen, I need to tell you something important here.  Come back."

At this point,he bolted into the kitchen.  I followed, exasperated that our communication was so difficult.  I found him with his head buried in the corner by the fridge.  "Buzz...Buzz? Buzz!" His head popped up like a critter in a Whack a Mole game and he was crunching something.  "What do you have there Buzz?  Is that ice?  I guess the kids dropped a cube on the floor...listen, I need to let you know about something that is going to be happening this week.   We are going to be taking you to the doctor.  Buzz, honey, you need an operation.  Wait! Don't run away again. Where did you get that playbill?  Give that to me.  Now listen..."  And off he ran, up the stairs and under the bed.

He must already know. Most men have a psychic connection to their testicles.  Why should he be any different?  I sighed heavily and decided to let it go.  If he didn't know yet, he'd know soon enough.  It was Sunday and his appointment was this coming Tuesday.

Later in the morning, I went up to my room and there he was on the bed, licking his little man area.  I backed out of the room quietly and closed the door.  Best to give him his privacy and let him enjoy them while he has them.  Adios testicles, you were good company while you were here.




4 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Grace said...

I love your banter and witty repartee...Just a delight to read your posts - Well done...

Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Grace - It's very nice of you to say so. Much appreciated. It's a pleasure to have you over.

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

Ah. I'd have used bribery. Afterward, Buzz, we'll drop by Petco and buy you some brand new balls.

Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

MOTPG - my husband actually wants to get him a prosthesis. My response to that is that society puts to much vaue on balls. Let him feel the newfound breeze between his knees.

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