Friday, November 22, 2013

The Tale of the Fairy Princess and The Mountain Cootie Monster

Welcome back...to me that is.  I am admittedly somewhat ashamed of the date of my last post and the paucity of my visits to everyone else's.  But I am battling back the guilt on this one because that pressure to post and read was what put a pin in my last blogging effort and I made a vow to go easy on myself going forward.  Let it be stated (mostly to me, again), that I will post when I can, read when I can, and that's ok.  Wow, that last sentence came out sounding way more like Stuart Smalley than I would have liked.

[Inquisitive, child-like voice in my head] So, if not here in blog land, then where Diary?  Where have you been?

[Commanding, inappropriately confident voice (also in my head)]
Oh, I am happy to share my recent whereabouts with you.

[Soft, bedtime storyteller voice in my head that I have ironically, never used with my children] 
Once upon a time, in a land called Pennsylvania, a group of girlfriends got together for a long weekend at a cabin.  They spent four wonderful days together, talking, laughing, shopping, eating and drinking.  Their cozy little cabin was exactly their idea of a weekend of "roughing it" in the woods - including: WIFI, 2 bathrooms, washer dryer, cable and other, folksy, homespun touches like a fridge full of vodka and wine.

One day, they decided to venture out to the local Walmart to stock up on essentials items like deer feed and chocolate bars.  While combing the aisles for their goods, our redheaded heroine was blasted with a huge dose of mountain cooties, deposited by stealthy, unusually dressed characters from the People of Walmart website.  Our redheaded heroine was not aware of her dosing of cooties until she returned home to work.

Later that week, she found herself consumed with pain when she attempted to swallow as it felt as if there was a grapefruit lodged in her gullet, leaching acidic juices and preventing enjoyment of food and drink.  It soon became abundantly clear that a trip to the local doctor was in order.  Her doctor, being of a somewhat sadistic bent, gagged our heroine with a Q-Tip and pronounced that she had indeed been caught in the clutches of the mighty mountain strep.  A diagnosis not seen since her own grade school days. 

ZPack to the rescue!  Which is where we find our heroine today, on day five of a five day Zpak.  Feeling much better, festering grapefruit dispatched and back in blogging shape.

So, what have we learned other than the fact that there are an abundance of voices in my head? I think there may be a few lessons baked in - 
1) Walmart is a festering pot of disease and filth and should be avoided at all costs.
2) Strep throat sucks monkey wang.
3) A long weekend with your best girlies is worth risking a bad dose of mountain cooties, as it is healing and soul-satisfying, long after the strep monster is wrestled into submission.


Of course, there's always these little disease spreaders to consider.  But, they are so cute, you can forgive them their pox-ishness.


5 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Lin said...

Hell of a souvenir you got there. :(

No worries about posting. I'd rather read one good post every so often than read mindless stuff every day. I'm working on doing that as well. Now that the kids are gone, I don't have as many stories. Even the cats are boring.

Glad you are feeling better.

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

Mountain Walmart cooties sound terrible. There's a special breed of them in the Palm Coast Florida Walmart that I encountered on a business trip. Diabolical creatures.
But Pennsylvania is lovely and it sounds like a great time otherwise!

Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Lin - Yes and it's the gift that keeps on giving as I probably dosed a dozen people with my germs before the enlightenment of a diagnosis came along.

MOTPG - Walmart is a scary, scary place. Not going back without a hazmat suit.

Alexandra said...

I would rather stop here and find something I can sink my teeth into instead of hopping around and clicking out thinking "well, and what was that I just read?" Wal mart, yuk, don't like, my kids love, I just can't. xo

Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Alexandra - Aw girl, it is a plague on the universe. But...where else can I get deer feed and chocolate bars in one stop?

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