Sunday, February 9, 2014

Good Times Ahead - Thanks Philip Ezeson!

For the longest time now I have found my Gmail account to be extra-super-vigilant about identifying and isolating spam messages.  That is until the last month or so.  Now I find myself the recipient of some of the most ridiculous spammer scammers.  Does anyone fall for this crap?  The grammar alone is a dead giveaway.

Today I want to share one of these recent smoldering turds and to respond in open letter format...that is if the numbnuts that wrote are capable of understanding what an open letter is. 

The spectacular offer sent to me (note that I could not get a normal font after pasting this in. Who knows what kind of internet cooties the original email message was infested with.  I have since fumigated, deleted and burned it.):
Attention Beneficial,

You have been awards (1.500,000,00USD) through money gram department after our finally meeting regarding your fund, All you will do is to contact Money Gram director via E-mail:(

He will give you direction on how you will be receiving the funds daily. My agreement with them is 5000USD daily until the whole funds is transferred to you,

Contact Money Gram director Mr. Moche Anderson send him your Full information to avoid wrong transfer such as,

Receiver's Name_______________
Address: ________________
Country: _____________
Phone Number: _____________

contact Mr. Moche Anderson or you call him at +229-99221908 as soon as you receive this email and tell him to give you the Reference number.

Thank you.

My response:

Mr. Philip Ezeson

Dear Mr Philip Ezeson (do you really be easy son or are you
just a tease?),

I am so glad to hear that I have been awards.  Lately, I have
been feeling a little like a Grammy, sometimes an Oscar
and even, on occasion, a bit like a SAG award.
Your astute recognition of this is truly amazing.
I see that 1.5 and many zerosUSD through money gram
department if all I will do is contact Money Gram director
via this reasonably formatted email address -
I anxiously look forward to he give me the direction on how I will be receiving the funds daily.
I was hoping that I could get in all in pennies, delivered via a monkey pushing a wheel barrow.  You have the power to make this happen, this is clear.
 I know this will probably take a long time for the whole funds to be transferred to me, but what a delightful way to receive it.

As for the full information that you requested (to avoid wrong transfer such as, of course), here you go:
Receiver's Name:  Analwartopolus Dingleberry
Address: 901 Yourmoms Bungway
Country:  Lichtenstien
Phone Number: 1(800) URA-DICK

I can't wait to contact Mr. Moche Anderson.  Does he tap dance or have a vineyard?  How is that name pronounced?  Is it Moo-chee  or Mo-chez
or thedevastatingresultsofsyphyllis?  No matter, I will tell him to give me the Reference number and to give his mom a scorching case of the herpes.

A pleasure, as always.
- Beneficial

3 Your comments, banter and witty repartee:

Lin said...

Don't you wonder what sort of complete imbecile would fall for this?

Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

Lin - I am terrified that there are actually people that do fall for it. And, as if on cue, I got a new one this morning that I want to share:

I, Liliane authenticate this email, you can read about me on:
I write to you because I intend to give to you a portion of my Net-worth which I have been banking. I want to cede it out as gift hoping it would be of help to you and others too. Respond for confirmation. please Contact my private email; for more informatiom

With love,
Liliane Bettencourt

Anonymous said...

I also can't believe that people fall for this crape. I seem to get one email telling me that I am going to be given all these millions and then about ten emails telling me the first one has been cancelled - just a shame they don't cancel my address from their system as the next day the same thing happens again. I guess they must be able to scam some poor bigger or else surely they wouldn't bother repeating it!

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