Hello there. It's me, your old pal Diary and though I have been away for a while, I hope you will forgive my recent spate of blog neglect. Oh the pain. The guilt. The shame.
Blogging and I have had a very stormy relationship. He wants me to spill my guts on the regular, but being the busy and easily distractible sort that I am, I often gravitate to the nearest shiny object and leave poor little bloggie to fend for himself. This leaves me to ask myself "what kind of blogmother am I anyway?". My blog is starving over here and I am busy drinking too much wine in the East Village. So much neglect, it's like a bad made for TV movie from the 70's and I am the Meridith Baxter Birney character. Worse yet, perhaps I am Linda Purl.
So, the question that I now need to ask myself is "Can I repent?" More importantly, do I want to? It's a tough question because do I want to have a blog or do I want my blog to have me? Should it be calling all the shots? Demanding a certain amount of posting per month? Expecting me to mine for readers from a rapidly diminishing pool?
I think not.
I have often wondered whether there was value in keeping this thing going. I think it is time for me to accept the fact that blogging is merely a momentary brain dump meant to provide temporary mental relief and hopefully, if anyone actually reads it, some modicum of entertainment to others. It's pretty clear to me that I never had any great blogging aspirations. I didn't envision myself as a Pioneer Woman or geez, I am so out of touch with blogging, I can't think of another uber-famous blogger to site, but you know what I mean.
All of this self examination stems from a strange and wonderful event that happened to me this week. I was sitting in the office, working on my resume because it may be the only thing in my life that has suffered more neglect than my blog. My daughter came into the room and uttered five little words that made my sphincter seize..."I was reading your blog...". I suppose I panicked because very few people I know read my blog. It's kind of a private thing..but anyway...I braced for the impact. "You have a very distinctive voice and your prose (yes, she talks this way at 16, she is too smart for my own good) is very contemporary. You should write a book." Full disclosure, she said this after she complained about me outing her as a hypochondriac and obsessed with shows about women that kill.
I didn't know how to process the compliment other than to question why she read my blog and to offer a faint and confused thank you. But after I had a little time to mull it over, I realized that I have to keep this blog going. I have to write, even if it is only every six months because she revealed the kernel of value that I had been questioning. I may be a neglectful blogmother, but as an actual mother, to come to the realization that my blogging might have value to my children, well, I can't neglect that.
This one's for you, Soph and if I didn't say it loud enough, THANK YOU!